February 14, 2012 12:19 am at 12:19 am #602048
Went to a bar mitzva last night. They invited just immediate family and the BM boys friends (not even cousins, just siblings / spouses and grandparents).
They hired a young kid as the DJ. Food was simple but great (not fancy ).
I thought it was a great idea because its a fraction of the price, nobody gets insulted as to why they were not invited, the BM boy enjoys it more because its more about him then his parents.
Im not one for takanas but maybe this can be a new trend.
Makes more sense to me. Anyone with me?February 14, 2012 1:42 am at 1:42 am #851314BSDMember
Any one else with bar mitzva ideas ?February 14, 2012 3:22 am at 3:22 am #851315golden momMember
Hu what did u say the bar mitzvah is for the boy well not according to most yeshivas around here who don’t allow boys at the bar mitzvah at all the rebbe doesn’t even show and menahel shows to say mazel tov and to check that non of the boys r actually thereFebruary 14, 2012 3:51 am at 3:51 am #851316
‘Hu what did u say the bar mitzvah is for the boy well not according to most yeshivas around here who don’t allow boys at the bar mitzvah at all the rebbe doesn’t even show and menahel shows to say mazel tov and to check that non of the boys r actually there ‘
every BM I go to I see the kids there, not sure what your referring to.
Im sure the rebbe would not mind if its only the KIDS there and immediate familyFebruary 14, 2012 5:46 am at 5:46 am #851317NechomahParticipant
In EY, we split it up, making a seudas chaverim for the Rebbe/Menahel and boys in the class – usually done at home, but maybe in a small hall if the family is very wealthy. This would be a full meal – on hamotzi. This is usually done on the day of the Bar Mitzvah itself.
For friends, both of the family and of the boy who are not in his class, we make a kabbolas orchim, where mezonos, salads, desserts are served. Most of this can be homemade. It’s like an open house where people come and go. Many people I know make it in the house and others make it in a small hall. Only very wealthy people have made it in a larger hall. I made this for my son the night of his Bar mitzvah, but it depends on when this happens (what if it is on Shabbos/Yom Tov). I also know people who just make a big kiddush (like for an aufruf) the Shabbos of the leining. This can be done in the house or at the shul’s hall.
For family, people can make a special meal for the whole family, making it as extended as they like. Many people make this right before the kabbolas orchim at the same hall.February 14, 2012 5:52 am at 5:52 am #851318commonsenseParticipant
although I am not against the idea I don’t think the bar mitzvah boy would agree with you that it is better for him (having heard from bar mitzvah boys themselves.)February 14, 2012 6:33 am at 6:33 am #851319soliekMember
shkoyach, so it worked for you. why does it have to work for everyone?February 14, 2012 1:10 pm at 1:10 pm #851320
‘although I am not against the idea I don’t think the bar mitzvah boy would agree with you that it is better for him (having heard from bar mitzvah boys themselves.) ‘
He needs the parents 100 friends?February 14, 2012 1:11 pm at 1:11 pm #851321
‘shkoyach, so it worked for you. why does it have to work for everyone? ‘
never said its for everyone – just an idea – I specifically said Im not one for takanasFebruary 14, 2012 1:49 pm at 1:49 pm #851322Imma613Participant
I am totally not getting something. Why are classmates forbidden from attending a boy’s bar mitzvah???February 14, 2012 2:33 pm at 2:33 pm #851323bp27Participant
First of all, who says that a Bar Mitzvah is a celebration for the boy and not for the parents?
Imma613 – In most yeshivas in Lakewood and Boro Park the boys do not come to the seudah. There are a number of reasons. First, the boys end up staying late and don’t function well in class the next day. When you have the entire class not functioning it doesn’t work. Try then to imagine 2-3 bar mitzvahs a week.
Second, the boys can and do get rowdy, and sometimes turn a nice Yiddishe Simcha into a wild birthday party.February 14, 2012 2:39 pm at 2:39 pm #851324zahavasdadParticipant
I just had Simcha, I had it at a restaurant. Costed me $20 a Kid and $25 an adult and I did not have to pay any room rental fees , cleanup fees, tips (It was included in price).
Had it smorgasbord style which most people like better anyway since they can choose what they want to eatFebruary 14, 2012 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #851325asyyegerParticipant
At my son’s school in Rockland, the boys are invited to a 2-hour block of the bar mitzvah affair, for the dancing. At the beginning of bar mitzvah season the school sends home a contract that the boys have to sign regarding their expected behavior. Among other things they are told to wear a jacket, to make sure to say mazel tov to parents and grandparents, and to listen quietly to speeches, even if they’re in yiddish and they do not understand it – in general, to make sure they make a kidddush Hashem. The reason for the 2-hour limit, as I understand it, is because they have discovered that the boys get too wild after that. Also, if the affair starts at 7 or 8pm, the boys are exhausted the next day(s) if they’re up until midnight.February 14, 2012 3:25 pm at 3:25 pm #851326zahavasdadParticipant
These are 12-13 year old boys. To expect them to sit down and be quiet for speech after speech is unreasonable.
Keep the kids active and they will behave. They are young and need to let of steam.
I had my simcha for 4 hours and there was no trouble. I kept the speeches to a minimum so the kids would not get ansy and bored.
And IMO Yiddish Speeches should be BANNED (Unless everyone speaks it)February 14, 2012 4:21 pm at 4:21 pm #851327soliekMember
“And IMO Yiddish Speeches should be BANNED (Unless everyone speaks it)”
OH YES PLEASE!!! and can we PLEASE do away with that ridiculous sing-song tune that the kids read their speeches in!?
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