Becoming A Shadchan

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    How can someone become a shadchan? I was at an Agudah Convention about 7 years ago, and one of the speakers implored everyone to start redding shidduchim to single friends, family, etc. What is the a difference between a part-time/casual shadchan and a full-time professional shadchan? What information is good to know in becoming and being a shadchan?

    Part 2 of this question, and perhaps most importantly, how do you “know” who to redt to who. Is it just a “feeling”? Do you compare attributes from his resume to her resume and look for matches between them? And how do you quantify looks/beauty? How do you describe it to the other party?

    Do you call the parents or the singles? When speaking to them how do you introduce yourself and how do you introduce the shidduch?


    Shadchanus is like picking stocks. When picking individual stocks you rarely win. You need to buy mutual funds with many stocks and you’ll have some winners. Similarly in shidduchim you keep throwing darts until some stick.


    Sheker Dover Kesef Notel

    you need to be ready to be as blindly discriminatory and stuck up as the leader of teh KKK.


    Hacham, I agree! If everyone knew the ratio of failures to successes, they’d flip. A huge percentage of Shadchanim’s ideas dont survive past the first phone call to the first side.

    Bar Shattya


    people are not darts.

    People are not guinea pigs.

    I’m happy I dont know you.


    bar shattya cant you make friends with people?


    I personally am pro anyone being a shadchan! This past year, I set up two of my friends. None of them worked out, but I did get a yes from both sides (which could quite awhile!) and one went out twice! There are no official ‘rules’. You generally call the boys side first, tell him (or his parents) a little about the girl, and send them her resume. I worked with both people I set up and knew the guys so I told the girls about the guys first just to see if it would practical to call the guys.

    Good luck with it all!


    I don’t understand why communities or shuls don’t hire a shadchan. Pay the person a salary, and he/she can do it as a job, rather than on spec. Seems to me that everyone would benefit.


    ronrsr, you deserve the Nobel Prize for that one!!!

    But where’s the money going to come from? No one has any extra money except for their vacations and summer homes and designer duds…..Everyone is penniless and barely making it (until you see them in the most expensive vacation spots and stores….).

    golden mom

    If people would know how many hours of work back and forth it they would flip! Everybody should just try the worst they could get is a NO but u would hit urself if u thought of st and 5 yrs down the line they get married and u could of done it 5 yrs bf and made the couple happy earlier anyway its the best feeling in the world when u actually make that shidduch so its worth going right bk and trying again don’t give up!!!


    Rabbi Pesach Krohn speaks about this on a shiur dedicated to this;

    some of the points he mentioned were;

    1) invite a Single into your home in the week, not just on Shabbos.

    2) if you invite a girl and boy for a Shidduch, let the girl help you, she may tell you things about the boy in the kitchen she would be embarrassed to say at the table.

    I forgot what else he said, you can hear the Shiur if you like.


    You don’t have to do anything or certify anywhere to become a shadchan. You simply pick up the phone and start redting shidduchim. No barriers of entry, but lots of mitzvos.


    It’s always a good idea to know the folks you are redding!

    Another name

    Englishman, I second that! In addition, if you are not familiar with one or both sides, don’t mislead the other side by “raving” about them. Be honest, and recommend that they do their own research. This advice is even more imperative if it is the close friend or relative playing shadchan, since the parents are more likely to trust someone they know.


    Is shadchanus really just a numbers game? You just keep on redding and eventually some will happen?


    I used to be very involved. Every couple I set up told me that I was on the right track and that I listened to what they were looking for. Although I only really made one shidduch and that B”H was my own niece, for which I am very grateful. With the others it was always, yes exactly this type but not this one, keep working on it. I found it difficult to let the young people down. That was the hardest part. The work involved didn’t bother me, it was the hurt involved that got to me. But I did mentor a lot of young people through shidduchim. That was a lot more fulfilling.

    What I would like to say is that anyone and everyone should try to make shidduchim. It is a tremendous mitzvah. Many times the Eibeshter will put a thought into your head. You are obligated to follow through on that shidduch. We always think, why me? Why should I? It will never work. But on the other hand, we need to think, why did Hashem put this idea in MY head? Why does he want me to be the sheliach? Even if it doesn’t work Hashem wants me to get the mitzvah of trying. So even trying to make a shidduch is worth something, that in itself is a mitzvah. So whether you are doing it professionally or doing it for the mitzvah please try whenever you can.

    Another name

    shlishi, much of it is dependant on mazal and siyaata dishmaya. I know a few people that tried many many times without success and then in a matter of years were zoche to red a spree of successfuly shidduchim!

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