Being an individual

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  • June 11, 2012 8:03 am at 8:03 am #603733
    tahini
    Member

    As both mother and teacher I have seen in recent years an increasing desire to fit in at all costs. Is this passsed on by parents desperate to get kids married off or to fit into their desired social group. Or is it coming from the young?

    What happened to individualism in the jewish community, what happened to having your own style, ideas and guts? What happened to the individual?

    June 11, 2012 6:28 pm at 6:28 pm #879519
    bygirl93
    Member

    don’t you know? being an individual is not tznuis!!! people might stare or look at you!!!!!

    June 11, 2012 8:33 pm at 8:33 pm #879520
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    I think it stems from jealousy and a lack of self worth, and is caused by people needing to have a sense of superiority (which comes from immaturity), as well as severe peer pressure. All bad things. I always try to be an individual, and I’m glad that my mom encourages me to.

    Oh, and I’m glad to see you back here, tahini!

    June 11, 2012 11:27 pm at 11:27 pm #879521
    BludgerGold13380
    Participant

    I think it has a lot to do with the parents and shidduchim. If someone is a little bit different- they are labeled right away and their prospects for a “normal” shidduch are thrown out the window. Today, we live in a world where it’s all about fitting a mold.

    June 12, 2012 10:03 am at 10:03 am #879522
    tahini
    Member

    Middlepath thanks for your welcome!

    Do indeed agree with Middlepath about lack of self-worth as well as BludgerGold about a fear of not fitting into the mold.

    Reason for my post or perhaps it is something of a rant was the pressure I see on people to conform.

    Bygirl93 your point was clearly made and understood, ” being an individual is not tznius!” I am not suggesting people dress in a provocative way or speak inappropriately, just let people be themselve and not pressurise them to fit in no matter what. Why would decent jewish people stare at someone different, that is not good middos and actually not very tznius.

    In my classes at college I see lovely young frum kids who feel pressure to conform to the point where the girls all dress the same and speak with the same ideas when together! But wait, alone in a tutorial you can suddenly hear a voice of original thought, often totally absent in group discussion amongst other frum Jews.

    June 12, 2012 2:04 pm at 2:04 pm #879523
    Loyal Jew
    Participant

    We serve one G-d and follow one Torah. Our goal is to get back to Matan Torah or chanukas Beis Hamikdash, when we were all one and there was no machloches. We do everything we can to keep foreign influences out. This gives an advantage to conformity. Also, according to our recent history, non-conformity is a slippery slope that leads to less Yiddishkeit, more assimilation and intermarriage r”l, etc.

    June 12, 2012 2:28 pm at 2:28 pm #879524
    BTGuy
    Participant

    Hi tahini,

    There is no smarter community than ours. Along with that comes a few “know-it-alls”. And part of being a “know-it-all” is that you must make the effort to voice your view and influence others.

    This trait can be found, though, in all circles, and it is one that individuals have to learn to handle. There is always pressure to go with the crowd.

    June 12, 2012 4:21 pm at 4:21 pm #879525
    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    I noticed at a certain point during my yeshiva education when conformity lishma became a “Jewish” value, and in some cases the overriding ikkar to the exclusion of everything including limmud hatorah. Baruch Hashem I’m out of there.

    June 12, 2012 5:33 pm at 5:33 pm #879526
    tahini
    Member

    BT Guy you are right about our smart community, but that very smartness can cause problems. Sure there is always going to be a natural inclination to go with the flow but I guess I feel the sight of young and old feeling the pressure to conform has caused a significant number ” to go off the derech”,

    Loyal Jew yes of course we need to observe one Torah and one halacha, but in reality there are a multitude of different groups and minhagim in orthodox Jewry. Real danger when young and parents feel they must fit in at all costs, at times fitting in with what is not Torah based but more ” the done thing” in certain circles. Happened for centuries but now I think the number of kids ” off the derech” is rising because sometimes these kids are the brightest of all, and the hypocrisy and emphasis on conformity for the sake of appearances wrongly gains priority over substance and true mitzvos, and often the brightest of young people can become the most cynical.

    OK I am an old idealist, but seeing friends and students actually suppress their individuality for the sake of ” how it looks ” seems pretty sad.

    June 12, 2012 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm #879527
    dd
    Participant

    The following was written about the Jewish community from many years ago.

    Brian: Look, you’ve got it all wrong! You don’t NEED to follow ME, You don’t NEED to follow ANYBODY! You’ve got to think for yourselves! You’re ALL individuals!

    The Crowd: Yes! We’re all individuals!

    Brian: You’re all different!

    The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!

    Man in crowd: I’m not…

    June 13, 2012 6:02 am at 6:02 am #879528
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    Err, the brightest of all? Not quite. It is not the top of the class that goes off.

    June 13, 2012 3:59 pm at 3:59 pm #879529
    tahini
    Member

    Haleivi Depends what one calls bright – top of the class and brightest are not always the same thing.

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