between a rock and a hard place

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    Coping methods for women who are stuck in abusive or nonproductive marriages for either financial considerations or parental responsibilities


    Since exit is not a choice you choose to make right now, consider these options to get the husband to soften his stance:

    1 – make a note of the way / words used that are abusive or non-supportive

    2 – if its a real tirade of verbal abuse, consider making a recording, and then in a quiet moment, play it back for him so he hears what he sounds like

    3 – impress upon him how bad an example or how much it undermines you as a mother for the kids to see you treated without respect

    This is if the abuse is verbal. If C”V the abuse is physical, there is almost no chance of him getting better. Leave while you still can. Nothing should take presidence over your safety (and that of your children, who are possibly also at risk)


    There are organizations to help women in all situations eg divorced or widowed. But as everyone would like to remain anonymous its unforunate that a support group would be impossible. If anyone would have an idea how to have an anonymous support group that would be very helpful


    I know that this might not be of much help to you, however others might benefit.

    A good insurance policy for Shalom Bayis, is making sure that your husband has a Rav or Rosh Yeshiva that he listens to. so if something goes wrong, you have where to turn.

    I heard that from Harav Avigdor Miller.


    I know I shouldn’t judge, but…

    Staying in an abusive marriage for financial reasons shows pretty interesting priorities. How about if I offer you a job 9-5 to get abused, great pay ?

    Staying in an abusive marriage for parental reasons is simply almost always wrong – the kids will usually be much better off out of it. Unless you won’t get the kids if you leave, obviously.

    “Unproductive” marriage is a different story.


    ” Unless you won’t get the kids if you leave, obviously.”

    Well, one of them won’t get the kids. So by that consideration, for at least one of the spouses it won’t be worth leaving.

    In any event, even without that consideration, the vast majority of divorces are/were avoidable and unnecessary.

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