March 14, 2011 5:02 pm at 5:02 pm #751523
truth be toldMember
Troll:No, no. BIRTHDAY! Not apeasment flowers. The same rabbi Reisman who announced the story/minhag to the world, said it’s was a birthday present, not apeasment.
And you can take offense, that’s perfectly fine.March 14, 2011 5:15 pm at 5:15 pm #751524
How about go out with him and get something for him together? Whatever his heart desires. Set a price limit and splurge within that price limit.March 14, 2011 5:20 pm at 5:20 pm #751525
Avram in MDParticipant
Wow. How appropriate the username…
Why then, do you persist?March 14, 2011 5:23 pm at 5:23 pm #751526
If you have not noticed, almost all the suggested gifts have been sefarim, clothes for Shabbat, things for Yom Tov, or things for mitsvot. Why do you persist in saying that the whole gift idea is counter our values?
No one is trying to buy love, nor live for the moment. Obviously, the issue is showing appreciation for the man on his birthday and wanting him to keep growing.
BTW are you jealous?March 14, 2011 5:48 pm at 5:48 pm #751527
Why then, do you persist?
Sometimes I just can’t resist. It’s a failing of mine.
The WolfMarch 14, 2011 6:24 pm at 6:24 pm #751528
How about a gift certificate to home depot? Most men find those tools fascinating!!! 🙂March 14, 2011 7:09 pm at 7:09 pm #751529
Truth be told-
Dont even bother with him. For some reason its ok for him to make up that I have Shalom Bayis problems…but its not ok for you to call him disgusting…you see what you’re dealing with here.
I do thank you for sticking up for me though : )March 14, 2011 7:14 pm at 7:14 pm #751530
“Give him a day off” lol. From what? Yeshiva???March 14, 2011 7:24 pm at 7:24 pm #751531
I got my husband a shtender and a new shabbos tallis (hoping the shtender will prevent someone from accidentally walking off with the tallis). I also had each kid write a note to my husband telling him what they are thankful to him for. I don’t know if that ‘activity’ was a bigger gift to my husband or to my kids. Or to me because of the joy I got from seeing his face when he received them.March 14, 2011 7:32 pm at 7:32 pm #751532
” From what? Yeshiva??? “
No, a day with the chevrah is fun and games.
Let me say it this way; from time to time, I get a “legal holiday” off from work, but Mrs, does not.
THAT, is what I call a day off!March 14, 2011 7:55 pm at 7:55 pm #751533
As a husband: The nicest present my wife ever gave me was a nice supper together with the whole family, children, parents, in-laws and siblings. Was most appreciated. The other presents received were an added bonus.March 14, 2011 7:58 pm at 7:58 pm #751534
“Why not ASK him what he would like”
several reasons, asking the recipient shows a lack of imagination,
takes away some of the anticipation of opening the gift, perhaps he will say he doesnt want anything (but actually does), part of the gift is the thought that goes behind it.March 14, 2011 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm #751536
MDG: That would work the other way around, however usually its the husbands money. what good would it be to tell him to buy himself something and then put a price limit. Where’s the logic?March 14, 2011 9:36 pm at 9:36 pm #751537
me tooMemberMarch 15, 2011 6:28 am at 6:28 am #751538
The logic is that many people won’t splurge for something they want because they may feel guilty. This way the splurge is guilt-free, as she is encouraging. Anyway it’s their money, whether it’s gotten with him or without him.March 15, 2011 10:30 am at 10:30 am #751539
My husband is in yeshiva. He has no idea how much money we have. I take care of all the banking…March 15, 2011 12:36 pm at 12:36 pm #751540
“(although I wouldn’t recommend it)
Why wouldn’t you recommend that I cook lunch for my wife? Especially in light of the fact that you immediately said afterward that it was a nice gesture.
Hamaivin yovinMarch 15, 2011 12:50 pm at 12:50 pm #751541
Guy-och just said it’s the husbands money. What he means is that all money and assets in the family (except a few exceptions like the wife’s wedding ring) are owned and belong to and are the property of the husband not the wife, under halacha, as any money she earns or comes into possession to belongs to her husband.March 15, 2011 2:32 pm at 2:32 pm #751542
Instead of being snarky and answering cryptically, how about answering my question in a straightforward manner. Why would you not recommend that I cook for my wife?
The WolfMarch 15, 2011 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #751543
OTOH, someone can give something to a married woman on the condition that her husband not have any share in it and it becomes hers exclusively.
One could argue that by giving his wife a gift, the husband is voluntarily relinquishing any rights to ownership of the item (or else what’s the point of the gift?).
The WolfMarch 15, 2011 3:10 pm at 3:10 pm #751544
Wolf, only women belong in the kitchen (barefoot and pregnant).March 15, 2011 3:14 pm at 3:14 pm #751545
Because he’s a jerk, thats why.March 15, 2011 4:16 pm at 4:16 pm #751546
Grandmaster – that’s not how we operate today. Are you married? If so, does your wife need your approval when she goes out for a cup of coffee or groceries or new clothes?March 15, 2011 4:23 pm at 4:23 pm #751547
Wolf, because we all know what a hubby cooking for his wife leads to… haven’t you ever seen those Levitra commercials????March 15, 2011 4:35 pm at 4:35 pm #751548
SJSinNYC, I love that answer!!!! I can almost picture what u look like based on the your diff posts.March 15, 2011 4:40 pm at 4:40 pm #751549
why not give Tzedakah in his name…March 15, 2011 4:53 pm at 4:53 pm #751550
Poster 🙂 So what do you think I look like? I am pregnant, but I am not barefoot nor in the kitchen at the moment LOL.March 15, 2011 4:57 pm at 4:57 pm #751551
i never understood the barefoot part what is that all about?March 15, 2011 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #751552
The Goq – it serves 4 purposes that I’m aware of:
1) A woman will know when the floor is dirty because she can see it on her feet or feel it. She will make sure to clean it right away (a true balabuste)
2) Shoes get the floors dirty because they track in dirt from outside. See #1.
3) Shoes get worn out by wearing them. If she doesn’t need them then its wasting money.
4) Shoes imply going outside. Why does a woman need to leave her home more than once a month? See the Rambam.March 15, 2011 5:12 pm at 5:12 pm #751553
Maybe when somebody asks specific advice, we should just respond, and not soapbox?
One thing my learning husband appreciated was a pocket voice recorder allowing him to record shiurim, or something nice that somebody was saying.
Also, give more info as to what lines/price you were thinking –
Pen sets, Frame a favorite picture, yummy socks, shabbos raincoat, key chain, mail opener, coffee to go/warmer for the car, scarf, sweater, shabbos alarm clock, basket of his favorite nosh/baked goods, a poem on why you respect him.
Good luck!March 15, 2011 5:28 pm at 5:28 pm #751554
How about planting a tree? It will give you permanent “roots” in Israel. Perhaps you can even do the planting together.March 22, 2011 12:45 am at 12:45 am #751555
Is it proper hashkafah for a husband to give gifts to his wife? Or does that cause him to be more aitzel nishsoseihem ketarnegol which is against the torah?March 22, 2011 8:16 pm at 8:16 pm #751556
MosheRose, Ideally, Chazal wanted married couples to live apart, preferably in different countries. Since it is bidieved, maybe a gift would be ok, or at least a telegram.
As far as what to get in general, I would buy him a Lexus. If he doesn’t like it, the Mods will give you my address, and you can forward the car to me.March 22, 2011 9:09 pm at 9:09 pm #751557
Here is what a Holy Jew did!!
The Bobover Rav Zt”l when he was still known as Reb Naftulche had nothing better to do on erev Pesach than send a leather bound ????to a Yungerman to give his wife as a gift. The Rav knew that this couples Shalom Bayis was not the greatest.He was hoping that at least the Seder will be quieter.March 22, 2011 10:01 pm at 10:01 pm #751558
Here are some suggestions:
A nice wine-opening set
A mug with pictures on it
A bottle of cologne
A walletMarch 22, 2011 10:46 pm at 10:46 pm #751559
All of the above, and a free “get out of jail” card for when he ticks you off, and you would otherwise be very angry with him for the next few days. One time only deal, though.March 23, 2011 2:58 pm at 2:58 pm #751560
oomis- nah he doesnt need that. He has never ticked me off in almost 2 years
I like the leather bound Haggadah idea, I just have o find one with nice meforshim
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