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Yes, this is an important issue in the charedi (both litvish and chasidish) community. We tend to call single grown people – BOYS. Now, if in context of shidduchim it’s half a tzarah. However, in any other setting, it is extremely demeaning and embarrassing. How in the world are we brazen enough to refer to a man, at least 21 and older, even 30 or forty years old, and more, as a boy (which according to webster is till around 18 or 20)? What happened to malbin pnay chavero, be it byachid or brabim? Would any of us refer to a divorcee as a garush? Imagine sitting at a simcha and saying oh, garush, pass the salad please. How does bachur or boy differ?!
Why do we often hear a gabbai calling up an obviously grown man, with a developed size, sometimes with a balding head and nismale zkano, as YAAMOD HABACHOR so and so?!! Did he think for a second that he’s embarassing someone and reducing them to a mere teenager? Especially when the next guy is called REB and is wearing a tallis? Why?? JUst because he put a ring on a woman?! Are we totally nuts??!!Why must you 1) refer to the man by his marital status?? Is that his essence? 2) advertise his marital status to others sitting there?
I believe the goysishe world doesn’t have this issue; chachmah bagoyim taamin; I believe we must follow them in this regard.And what about this irrational and mistaken practice that singles think or are made to think (or must do so as the public thinks) thatthey’re patur or assur to wear a regular tallis gadol???!!! Besides having ZERO BASIS IN HALACHA, (in short see m.b. siman 11 at the end) what happened to kvod habriyos that is such a chamur issue in halacha???
NOW IN THE 3 WEEKS, IT IS TIME FOR THE RABBANIM AND ROSHEI YESHIVA OF BMG TO COME OUT WITH AN OPEN LETTER THAT ALL MEN 20 AND ABOVE ARE OBLIGATED TO WEAR TALLEISIM, SO THAT EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE STILL YOUNG AND NOT EMBARRASSED YET, THE PEOPLE WHO ARE OLDER AND ARE EMBARRASSED DAILY FOR NO SANE REASON, WILL BE REDEEMED FROM THIS TERRIBLE TREATMENT. שלא לבייש את מי שאין לו
עי’ סוף מו״ק וסוף נדה וש״ע סימן י״ג בחומר כבוד הבריות עד קצה האחרון בענינים בלתי מובנים כל כך וכל שכן בנדון דידן אשר הוא רציחה לכמה בני אדם שמתביישים בכל יום תמיד בלי שום סבה ושכל שבעולםWho knows if this terrible practice we have of shaming singles in many different contexts such as
1) talis
2) aliyos
3) title
4) reverence and respect
5) other areas
is not m’akev the geulah? How can we step on this chamurdige issue of kvod habriyos daily in so many venues many of which akin to retzicha and then darshen about bein adam lachavero?Richmond Braun:
This problem doesn’t exist. I never heard anyone call 30 or 40 year old men (or 21 year old men, for that matter), a “boy”. Not sure where you’re coming from, but this seems to be an isolated behavior to your circles.
Additionally, there absolutely IS a difference between a bochor (bachelor/never married man) and a yungerman/married man. For example, a 20 year old married man can daven for the amud on Yomim Noraim, while a 40 year old alte-bochor cannot. And when the 20 year old yungerman is called up for an Aliya, he is called Reb, whereas the 40 year old is called Bochor. This is all appropriate and correct and fully sanctioned by Chazal.
It should be an encouragement for all bochorim to get married ASAP. Hopefully, as young as possible — as Chazal strongly demand. In fact, Beis Din is supposed to force bochorim to get married once they are 20 years old.
P.S. The age of adulthood for men is 13 years old. A 13 year old and a 19 year old have the same “man”/adulthood status.
P.P.S. We do not follow the Goyishe world; in fact, we strive to usually do the opposite of them.
P.P.S. No one may alter the minhag yisroel, for the majority of Ashkenazim who follow it, that a bochor does not wear a talis godol.
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