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Im ussually not into this whole shidduch crisis thing, I know the basic problem is that alot of boys and girls are still single and were trying to figure out exactly why and how to make the shidduch trend move a little faster.
I heard about a clip put out on the web saying how the problem is boys are too picky, they chas vshalom refuse to go out with a girl who is even a few days older than he is. What’s wrong with that? As long as they arent marrying someone more than 10 years (at the least) over his age, than why should it matter?????
If anyone knows where I can see the clip, i hear it’s really good, besides the fact that the actors pretending to be young boys freaked out at the prospect of marring someone 4 days older than he was wasns’t too convincible, you could tell that he was acting…
Nope, it’s that girls are too picky, so they say no to awesome boys who go out and marry someone who appreciates them while the stupid girl is left wallowing in self pity and complaining about the self imposed shidduch crisis.
You can’t accuse me of being too picky… I married the second girl who said yes to a date with me (although, to be fair, I think we already knew we were going to eventually get married even before our first “official” date).
The Wolf
It can’t be a solution because boys aren’t the ones who are so picky.
It’s because the girls aren’t picky enough. v’hameivin.
It’s not the BOYS who are too picky – it’s their mothers, when reviewing the millions of shidduch profiles (I refuse to call them resumes, it just makes me nauseous to equate a shidduch with a job application). I know someone personally, who rejected MANY lovely young women for her son, because she did not deem them date worthy, based on “undesirable” economics, their height, geographic location, the girl’s earning potential (yep you read that right), and how many siblings she had (because if they have a lot of daughters, they might have to support their husbands, thus lowering the amount her own son could expect), and if they had unmarried sons still in yeshivah, they might still be supporting them.
What happened to simply seeing if 2 people are compatible with each other by LETTING THEM MEET?
Um…
Demographics.
yo pba, i think i might be the only one who meivin. still, good work.
There are a lot of picky people on both sides of the fence. Many people in the parsha actually have a desire to be lifelong spinsters of bachelors, in my experience.
popa b a, does “v’hameivina” count at all?
What I don’t think everyone knows is that its a crisis for the boy too but in a different way having a million resumes is not great it just gets you all confused and you have ten million random people friends and shadchanim driving you crazy to go out with their girl Bottom line:Girls are in a desert- no trees but boys are in a foreast everything looks the same Not saying that boys have it as bad as girls but its definitely not easy either To those who say just go out I cant go out with a million girls monetarywise and because of the drain on emotions
The Crisis ended in late 2010.
its mainly bc some boys and sometimes girls just put on hold for no reason sometimes its bc they just cant decide or they just got st else on. one must understand that the moment u decided to meet someone from ur point of u its perfect and the only thing ur going to check out is if u can tlk
when that will be sorted then things hopefully will b better
good luck to all
lo hivanti
Oh, boo-hoo, the poor boys are getting too many dates. Sorry, no sympathy here. You know what? When you are dating you need to know what your values are and what you are looking for in a spouse. This goes for both boys and girls. So if you have a million shidduchim, start by rejecting the ones that don’t fit the basic profile you want. Then you still have too many to handle at once (understandable; definitely go at your OWN pace, not anyone else’s). There are many ways to narrow it down. You could start with one that jumps out at you for whatever reason, one that was suggested to you earlier than others, or one that comes from someone you really know well and trust. Or pick from a hat if you want. It doesn’t matter. If you are going on dates, you are on your way to your bashert.
Jewishfeminist02:guess your name says it all you dont understand what boys are going through the pressure from all the people that red shidduchim,the dates one after the other that are just a doa etc so dont speak till you have gone through it
Oomis, I have tremendous respect for you and how you are so careful in how you speak to everyone here on the site, so I don’t want to offend you with what I’m going to say. I have read your comments to this same effect numerous times and know that you mean this to sincerely help people find their bashert.
My objection to this is that life is so much more complicated than when you were going out to meet your husband and unfortunately the boys and girls in shidduchim are much more naive and often more sheltered than you (or even I) was in your day. People are not always what they seem on the outside and I would hope that a parent might be perceptive enough, having more experience in life, than their child to help weed out the inappropriate prospects that are out there. How is someone supposed to know if they are compatible, just based on meeting someone? I know that I went out with boys that I “just met”, even at properly organized singles events, and I felt that it was such a meat market and all any of them was looking for was a thin, attractive girl. The shy (I’m not) or heavier (I am) girls were totally overlooked and made to feel second rate. What girl would want to put herself through that? Where should we meet? You mentioned previously at chassanahs of friends, or other such places, but who says that just because our friends are getting married does that make us compatible?
Even a single person who makes a list of all the qualities he/she is looking for in a spouse does not see everything in the person when they meet socially. By the time any type of investigation can be made, there is already some sort of emotional investment, which may be hard to ignore if any reasons are brought up to discontinue the “relationship”.
I do appreciate that you mean well, but I think the world has changed so much that in the best interests of our children, investigation beforehand is prudent, but not pickiness to the point of rejecting girls (or even boys) out of hand without really solid reasons. I certainly would not want my daughter (who just turned 17) to be meeting boys in this manner.
I do hope that you do not take offense and that I presented my case in as pleasant a manner as you have presented yours on many an occasion.
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