August 2, 2013 4:59 pm at 4:59 pm #610237nitpickerParticipant
true. but a) should it be true? be) why is it true?August 2, 2013 5:18 pm at 5:18 pm #969227EnderParticipant
I hate to repeat myself but. . .
The reason litvish boys aren’t ready to get married before 22-23 is primarily because they aren’t expected to. Chassidic boys are ready at twenty because they are expected to be ready when they are 20. If it became the norm for litvish boys to start dating at 20 or even younger, they would be ready to start.August 2, 2013 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #969228yeshivaguy45Participant
notpicker you started two threads!
I’ll repeat myself here
The truth of the matter is that it’s not based on age. It depends on when you mature. For some people it’s 18-19 (most boys not) 21,22,23,24 etc. Even if you’re expected to, it won’t change anything. It all depends on how mature you are. I know several people who got married young. One got divorced a year later. Another one I know who got married young is still married bli ayin hara. How do you expect to get guys to mature faster? They can’t go to EY any earlier. (That’s a whole discussion in itself.) Everyone has their own maturity level. I don’t think it really depends on age.August 2, 2013 5:30 pm at 5:30 pm #969229popa_bar_abbaParticipant
It’s because of the girls.August 2, 2013 7:13 pm at 7:13 pm #969231golferParticipant
It depends on when you are ready for the yolk of marriage.August 2, 2013 7:53 pm at 7:53 pm #969232ObstacleIllusionParticipant
Are most girls REALLY ready to be married at 19 or 20?August 2, 2013 8:13 pm at 8:13 pm #969233rebdonielMember
I don’t think most people are ready for marriage at such a young age. Before you can know someone else intimately, you need to know yourself.August 2, 2013 8:30 pm at 8:30 pm #969235WolfishMusingsParticipant
so ?? ?????? ???? ????? is a mashal?!
No, it’s something that held true in one cultural setting but does not hold true in today’s culture. Marriage, including the expectations of it from the participants, have changed over the centuries. You can argue whether or not that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but the change *has* happened.
The WolfAugust 2, 2013 8:48 pm at 8:48 pm #969236WolfishMusingsParticipant
It looks like the post I responded to disappeared…
The WolfAugust 2, 2013 9:17 pm at 9:17 pm #969237whatdoiknow99Member
How much does a boy mature after marriage? If a boy is immature at 20, will he suddenly become mature after marriage?August 2, 2013 9:40 pm at 9:40 pm #969238rebdonielMember
Hazal’s dictum to marry by 20 was rooted in a different social reality- most people died much younger back then than nowadays. Even 100 years ago, many people didn’t live past 50.August 2, 2013 11:29 pm at 11:29 pm #969239MAGParticipant
It’s very simple if someone can support you then why not get married at 20 years old, otherwise you can always have the government support you with programs.August 3, 2013 7:17 pm at 7:17 pm #969240Shraga18Participant
The Chidah writes (in his sefer Arvei Nachal) that there is a known remez in the Torah to getting married at 18. The Passuk says “Vehu Naarah Bivsuleah Yikach”. Vehu is gimatria 18. But he then continues and says something very relevant to this conversation.
He says there;s another hint to 18 in the passuk. The last letters of the words “naarah bivsulaeah yikach” also are gimatria 18. Says the Chidah: “Why did the torah hint to age 18 at the END of the words? And he answers that there will be a time, at the end of generations before Moshiach, when people will say that “Ben 18 L’Chupa” was only in “the olden days”, that it doesn’t apply today. Therefore The Torah hinted to 18 at the END of the words, to tell us that 18 applies even today!
The Steipler as well as the Chazon Ish also held that 18 applies even nowadays.August 4, 2013 1:59 am at 1:59 am #969241Jersey JewParticipant
Reb doniel, whats “hazal” ?????August 4, 2013 3:35 am at 3:35 am #969242147Participant
The Steipler as well as the Chazon Ish also held that 18 applies even nowadays.
So does the Mishno in Pirkei Ovos.
Yet when it comes to teaching Chumosh, Mishno & Talmud, many people are commencing at ages younger than delineated in this Mishno:- Hence why aren’t they doing likewise when it comes to Chuppo age mentioned in this very same Mishno?August 4, 2013 3:50 am at 3:50 am #969243nitpickerParticipant
I actually posed two questions when I started this as tangent of another thread.
why are most boys not ready for marriage at 18?
Ought we to try to change things so that most are?
I heard a story , I dont remember who it was about( I think it was a rebbe but not sure ) who was an advocate of earlier marriage. When a boy said he was some age older than 18 he said, “nu, ben shmoneh esrei lchuppa.” The boy answered, “ich shtai a langer shmoneh esrei”.
he rejoind with, “mit a langer shmoneh esrei, falihrt min kedusha!”.
How is that for instant ingenious riposte!August 4, 2013 9:32 am at 9:32 am #969244jewishfeminist02Member
My brother just turned 18. I think he is emotionally ready for marriage, BUT he has no idea of what he is going to do for parnassah, and I don’t think anyone should get married until they have a plan. I also don’t think that MOST boys are even emotionally ready for marriage at 18.
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