December 9, 2013 4:44 pm at 4:44 pm #611512
So when arranging a bris does one:
a- work around oot guests and make it early, hence davening at a diffrent minyan and possibly inconvenience a lot of people.
b – work around in town guests and make it at a regurlar time minyan.
c – do it in your regurlar minyan which inconveniences both intown and oot guests, but would be more convenient for me?
question 2, the seudoh do we make it straight after daveneing? or do we do it later on? fleishigs? milchigs?
all comments welcomeDecember 9, 2013 4:55 pm at 4:55 pm #992183
To answer 1,2, & 3, we need to know the ratio of in towners to OOT, how long it takes for the OOT to get to you, and what time the minyanim are.
The seudah should immediately follow the bris, so as not to inconvenience the guests, and although theoretically fleishigs is better, most people don’t want it for breakfast.December 9, 2013 4:58 pm at 4:58 pm #992184golferParticipant
Yes, seuda is usually right after Bris after davening.
Fleishigs- traditional (seudas mitzva etc)
Milchigs- goes over better with the guests in the morning
And try to focus on the beautiful Simcha. Don’t let yourself get stressed when your heart should be full of happiness!December 9, 2013 4:59 pm at 4:59 pm #992185
You do whatever you want to do, and the guests come if they are able to.December 9, 2013 5:06 pm at 5:06 pm #992186oomisParticipant
Personally, I would aim for a compromise. It depends on the “chashivus” of the OOT guests. Can they come in a day before? If not, and they are close to you, you should make a separate minyan. I went to an early minyan bris out of my area, and had to leave my house at 5AM in order to make the bris on time. Bli neder I will not do that again. I would either make arrangements to be nearby as of the night before, or not go. My brother’s son and daughter-in-law made a bris recently for their new son, and arranged to make it conveniently for MOST of their guests, by moving the bris to their old neighborhood. To go to their present location would have been very difficult for most people, including a Bubby and many other close relatives and friends.
People who will be slightly inconvenienced (i.e. going into work later) will do so if they are close to you. A bris is not every day. I would try to make the bris an hour later than the usual minyan, to accommodate people who need to travel to or from say, Lakewood or Monsey. Since you are asking about it, obviously this is of concern to you. Otherwise you would do whatever you wanted in the first place.
Personally, I don’t eat a fleishig meal in the morning (never could understand how goyim eat bacon and eggs or ham and eggs for breakfast). Bagels with lox or tuna, or even just cream cheese are just fine. Just give me a coffee and I’m good to go.
Unless there is a compelling reason to delay the seudah, why not do it right after the bris? Ask your rov about that, ebcause that would solve some of your issues. And to anyone making a bris (or a kiddush) mazel tov on the birth of yor child.December 9, 2013 5:08 pm at 5:08 pm #992187
Popa, that’s selfish. Even from a selfish POV, it depends on if you want them to come.December 9, 2013 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm #992188
Oomis, bacon and ham aren’t “fleishigs”. 🙂December 9, 2013 5:22 pm at 5:22 pm #992189oomisParticipant
DY – yer right 😉December 9, 2013 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #992190ubiquitinParticipant
OOmis its simple. You dont like fleishigs in the morning because it would make you felishigs for most of the waking day. You wouldnt be able to have a regular coffee etc… (and as a result after years of avoiding mean in the morning the idea of eating meat doesnt sit well)
Goyim obviously dont have this concern thus grow up eating “fleishigs” for breakfast.
I would go for the more traditional milchigs meal instead of the modern fleishigs.December 9, 2013 5:28 pm at 5:28 pm #992191TheGoqParticipant
I don’t know what oomis meant by the chashivus of the oot guests if they are family they are family, if most of the attendees are local you should cater to them and hope your oot family will make the necessary arrangements to come to the bris. Mazel Tov.December 9, 2013 5:30 pm at 5:30 pm #992192
Popa, that’s selfish. Even from a selfish POV, it depends on if you want them to come.
That was my point. That you want guests to come, so you should accommodate them to that extent.December 9, 2013 5:45 pm at 5:45 pm #992193HaLeiViParticipant
Many people have a generally pareve meal while the Baal Bris has some Fleishigs.December 9, 2013 6:34 pm at 6:34 pm #992194
Selfish? You have got to be kidding. When I make a bris it is at our shul at our time and I cannot fathom why anyone would expect or need changes on their account. I am at home one week post partum with a whole house full of toddlers and little kids to get ready and transported while the men are at shul and most of the women are setting up the last minute stuff. I should be worrying about you waking up an hour early? You should worry about me having help getting out of the house!
There were only two times when the bris was arranged around someone, we had a menahel who was in end stages of cancer and we wanted him as sandek for our yom tov bris. I insisted on making the bris as close to his shul as possible so he would be in the least amount of tzaar walking to it.
The other time was when my mom was in the hospital for the last time and we arranged for a minyan to go to her bedside after shacharis. When she was rushed to ICU 45 minutes beforehand we quickly moved the bris to the shul of the sandek instead of our own shul.December 9, 2013 7:45 pm at 7:45 pm #992195
That was my point. That you want guests to come, so you should accommodate them to that extent.
I should have caught that. I guess I’m tired; I woke up early for a bris today. 🙂
The first part still stands, though, because there are some guests, such as close relatives, who are going to come anyway.December 9, 2013 7:49 pm at 7:49 pm #992196
Syag, I’m not kidding. If you think there are counterbalancing factors, that’s legitimate, but don’t just ignore the needs of people who will be taking six hours out of their day to celebrate your simcha with you.December 9, 2013 7:59 pm at 7:59 pm #992197
I don’t even know what you mean by taking six hours out of their day to celebrate. Where I live, you are either somewhere within an hour away, or you are traveling in from another state. If you are traveling from another state, you will either come in the night before, or that morning. Whatever time the bris is, is when you plan your ticket. Most people don’t fly in for a bris and fly out. Most people don’t drive three hours for a bris and drive out, so I have no reference point for a scenerio where you would need to adjust your bris time for an out-of-towner.
And if I was driving two or three hours for a bris, it would NEVER occur to me to ask the person to rearrange the whole minyan time for me because I want it to work for my travel schedule.December 9, 2013 9:14 pm at 9:14 pm #992198
Basically I don’t think there is a rule to it, so I think all should do as they please
The only reason for people not to want to be fleshing is to be able to drink coffee through the day.
Simple solution, a triple strength Irish coffee (with or without the coffee)December 9, 2013 9:21 pm at 9:21 pm #992199
Syag, I’m referring to people traveling between Lakewood and NYC.December 9, 2013 9:34 pm at 9:34 pm #992201
Lakewood? That sounds familiar. Is that somewhere near Buffalo?December 9, 2013 9:38 pm at 9:38 pm #992202
Buffalo? That sounds familiar. Is that somewhere near Chicago?December 9, 2013 9:45 pm at 9:45 pm #992203rebdonielMember
Hello? Nobody here ever heard of salami and eggs?
Jews eat meat in the morning, also. Many times, after tefillah on shabbos, chulent and deli is eaten at like 11ish.
Although it seems traditional for people to have lox and bagels for a bris.
In a day and age where we have almond milk, parve coffee creamers, Rich’s, So Delicious coconut creamer (certified Dairy Equipment), etc., parve cheese, parve yogurt, etc., is it really such a tragedy to be fleshig?December 9, 2013 9:47 pm at 9:47 pm #992204Menachem MelamedParticipant
Don’t call them “woes”, a bris is a big simcha. What you have is a logistical challenge. May it be with much mazal!
AmainDecember 9, 2013 10:00 pm at 10:00 pm #992205rebdonielMember
Simchas and holidays and family get togethers are often a huge source of tza’arot and troubles for families. The holiday season, for instance, is always home to a spike in psychiatric crises.December 9, 2013 10:03 pm at 10:03 pm #992206
Menachem melamed you are 100% correct. Mod maybe we can change the title
Done. Would you prefer something else?December 9, 2013 10:59 pm at 10:59 pm #992207147Participant
This Friday nite is 1 of approximately 20 occurrences in a century, when the optimum time to consume the Seudas Beris shall be Friday nite dinner = Leil Shabbos Seudas Rishonos; i.e. If a Beris occurs this Friday be it Bizemano or be it delayed, there is no consumption in the morning in light of Assoro b’Teves, so all the guests would have to return to 6you on Friday nite for the seudo after the Tzom is terminated.
As for how all your long distance guests would travel in, I cannot solve this issue for you crazybrit. At least it shall be a timely venue for serving meaty.December 9, 2013 11:29 pm at 11:29 pm #992208
Wow, thanks for heads up. I could have totally missed the fastDecember 10, 2013 1:12 am at 1:12 am #992209
Ta modDecember 10, 2013 5:23 pm at 5:23 pm #992210apushatayidParticipant
six hours of their day? who did you hire to sing yam layabasha?December 10, 2013 6:28 pm at 6:28 pm #992211
Ever try driving between Lakewood and NYC at 9:30-10:00am?December 10, 2013 9:37 pm at 9:37 pm #992212takahmamashParticipant
147 – what is a Beris?
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