Broke Bochurim Going to Friend’s Weddings

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    I just wanted to point out to the YW readers, that when yeshiva bochurim come to a wedding (and there can be alot to go to, as they and all of their friends are in the parsha), they expect to be compensated for their travel costs. Before everyone starts jumping about this practice, I’m not endorsing it, but I just wanted to bring it to people’s attention, as sometimes the uncomfortable situation arises when a bochur who doesn’t have money expects his expenses to be paid for, and then by the wedding he is told to fly a kite. The matter only gets more complicated if other bochurim hitch a ride from one who is stuck with the bill (and he doesn’t know their names or #s)

    I would like your thoughts


    Why would they need to be compensated for their travel costs? If the wedding is far away and they cannot afford to attend, then they should not attend.


    Where did this expectation come from?
    when did it start?

    This was not the case 15 years ago.

    “I would like your thoughts”


    The premise is absurd. There should be no “expectation” of anything. If it is long distance and involves airfare it is nice for the Chosson to contribute (especially if he wants people to go)
    but to start making cheshbonos for every person’s gas and tolls? Your car gets 25 miles per gallon, and you drove 30 miles + x number of tolls on the turnpike, but you could have saved 37 cents by getting on an exit later so thats on you…. preposterous!

    The people getting a ride should contribute a token amount to their driver and zehu. Go because yo u want to be mesameach your friend


    I think he meant gas and trolls!!

    Reb Eliezer

    I remember that I went to a wedding to a good friend as a bochur and was fed salami sandwiches. Was this proper?


    Who “expects” it? They are bochurim, not roshei yeshivos. There is a practice of having a sheva brachos, locally, if the wedding is out of town.

    Reb Eliezer

    These bochurim contribute by singing to the simcha of the wedding.


    I don’t feel bochurim who are over the age of 20 should be treated as second class citizens. if they are invited, they should be served the same way as any adult.

    Reb Eliezer

    If you invite bochurim for your benefit, you must feed them properly even less than 20.


    Where are all the replies from prior to #1813496. Maybe I can figure out why and for what reason a dormant thread was bumped.


    Reb Eliezer, sometimes there’s a menu for younger family members.


    I have never heard of something like that. If you cant afford to go to a wedding you don’t go


    Chazal bring down that the choson/kalah should defer their chassunah until they can afford to pay the travel expenses of all their chevrusah who wish to attend. There are conflicting opinions as to whether that also applies to purchasing the gowns for the kalah’s friends from seminary.


    My guess is that most of the comments back in 2008 when the OP wrote his comment also said we never heard of this.

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