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(1) Any suggestions on how to do so?
(2) Some teachers just make it seem so hard! WHY? -if you are a
teacher please enlighten me!
(unfortunaly, i only realized the importance of building a kesher with teachers now, in my last year of high school. so i need help fast!)
Is it because they don’t have time after class to talk? Maybe ask if you can call them when they are available. Can you visit them on Shabbos maybe? Hatzlacha
it really depends on the teacher and the school. in some schools its totally normal to ask your teacher for a meeting, and the teacher knows how to begin the conversations in those meetings to build the kesher. some, not so much. I found the best way was to ask advice on something and then once you start one conversation they just grow. eventually you invite yourself to their house for shabbos etc etc
How amazing would it be to have had this thread started by teachers who asked how to build a kesher with their students?
Start off with one who you think is the most approachable… and then just ask if she has time to shmooze.
I attended public school, so it may be different, but I actually did build a nice relationship with some of my teachers simply by hanging out in their classrooms after school was done for the day. I did small things for them, and in the time I was there we were able to talk. They didn’t seem to mind. I kept in touch with some of them for many years after I graduated high school. (One of the things we talked about? I wore a kipa to school in my junior and senior years, and the non-Jewish teachers were absolutely fascinated by it.)
Just make up a discussion question, even if you think you know the answer to initiate. I promise, it works. And it’s worth it.
A kesher needs to work both ways – if a teacher doesn’t want one, you can’t build one! When I was in yeshiva, our Rabbeim used to do things outside the classroom with us also. In the spring, when Shabbos started later, one Rebbe would sometimes play basketball with us for an hour. Another Rebbe would sometimes host something in his home, such as a Chanukah mesibah, a Friday night oneg, or something else.
When I was leaving the yeshiva, I asked my Rebbe if he minded me calling him to keep in touch. He was happy to say yes. Now, almost 13 years later, I still speak to him, and when I’m in the area, I stop by to visit.
Rising613 – Smart move! Personally, I think teachers are the most valuable resource available to teens and it’s taken for granted way too often. In my case I had my high school principal, as well as a teacher reach out to me so I can’t say how to form the initial connection, however I can tell you one thing. Once you leave school please DON’T let the relationship fall to the side as more (seemingly) important things fill your life. This is one thing you should not let go of.
you just need to catch them long enough to ask for a meeting. teachers generally have some time set aside for that, you just need to claim it
My observations from the boys system may not hold true by girls, but for what its worth…
No one wants to be used. A good teacher/Rebbe will make himself available for a student when approached, if they see that there is a sincere need. If you’ve approached one with a problem, or desire to discuss something, and been rebuffed, that’s no good. But you haven’t said that. Rather, you feel you may need them in the future. So you want to get to know one, so they’ll be available when necessary. I agree that you need that, but I’m sorry, I think its a disrespectful way to approach someone, and I think teachers sense that. Its fake and insincere. Not enough that you want the person to give time for a relationship clearly one-sided from the beginning. If they got the feeling that you really felt you’d grow from it, that would be incentive enough to give their time. But if you really don’t desire it at all, but want them at your service at some future time of need…
A more sincere approach would be to realize that while there may be times in the future when such a relationship will be crucial, it makes sense that its probably very beneficial now as well. So do some introspection, and realize in which areas in your life you can benefit from guidance. You sound like a mature enough teenager to realize that having the perspective of an older person you respect is always helpful, not just in times of crisis. Then you can sincerely approach them and initiate a discussion, and they’ll hopefully be open to it.
Wow. I didn’t expect to get away with that. So either I was wrong about that, or no one read it.
Ah. Now you begin to exlain.
Funny that a teacer who’d say that would then not be easily accessible ? Unless you’re specifically pursuing another…
That doesn’t necessarily mean putting down. Just explaining that even if you’re ok now, you’ll probably need them in future. But I guess that depends how its said.
You don’t have to have a problem. But this is not a friend. Do you think they’re lacking friends ? At the end of the day, their motivation is to help, not to widen their social circle.
Friendly conversation with a teacher isn’t going to create the kesher we’re discussing. So B”H no problem – but plenty of questions about important topics in life… things to ponder and learn…
And its not that practical for a teacher to have time for whatever number of students either… It’s like that by the boys, and by any mentor figure. They’re in high demand – you gotta be somewhat pushy.
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