February 11, 2014 3:17 am at 3:17 am #612110
(1) Any suggestions on how to do so?
(2) Some teachers just make it seem so hard! WHY? -if you are a
teacher please enlighten me!
(unfortunaly, i only realized the importance of building a kesher with teachers now, in my last year of high school. so i need help fast!)February 11, 2014 4:55 am at 4:55 am #1003738sm29Participant
Is it because they don’t have time after class to talk? Maybe ask if you can call them when they are available. Can you visit them on Shabbos maybe? HatzlachaFebruary 11, 2014 7:01 am at 7:01 am #1003739
problem: live too far away to visit on Shabbos. also i don’t really have anything specific to speak to them about, just think that the kesher is important to have, so callings not really an option either…February 11, 2014 12:42 pm at 12:42 pm #1003740sem613Participant
it really depends on the teacher and the school. in some schools its totally normal to ask your teacher for a meeting, and the teacher knows how to begin the conversations in those meetings to build the kesher. some, not so much. I found the best way was to ask advice on something and then once you start one conversation they just grow. eventually you invite yourself to their house for shabbos etc etcFebruary 11, 2014 12:42 pm at 12:42 pm #1003741morahmomParticipant
How amazing would it be to have had this thread started by teachers who asked how to build a kesher with their students?
Start off with one who you think is the most approachable… and then just ask if she has time to shmooze.February 11, 2014 2:20 pm at 2:20 pm #1003742takahmamashParticipant
I attended public school, so it may be different, but I actually did build a nice relationship with some of my teachers simply by hanging out in their classrooms after school was done for the day. I did small things for them, and in the time I was there we were able to talk. They didn’t seem to mind. I kept in touch with some of them for many years after I graduated high school. (One of the things we talked about? I wore a kipa to school in my junior and senior years, and the non-Jewish teachers were absolutely fascinated by it.)February 11, 2014 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm #100374349sclParticipant
Just make up a discussion question, even if you think you know the answer to initiate. I promise, it works. And it’s worth it.February 11, 2014 5:43 pm at 5:43 pm #1003744DaMosheParticipant
A kesher needs to work both ways – if a teacher doesn’t want one, you can’t build one! When I was in yeshiva, our Rabbeim used to do things outside the classroom with us also. In the spring, when Shabbos started later, one Rebbe would sometimes play basketball with us for an hour. Another Rebbe would sometimes host something in his home, such as a Chanukah mesibah, a Friday night oneg, or something else.
When I was leaving the yeshiva, I asked my Rebbe if he minded me calling him to keep in touch. He was happy to say yes. Now, almost 13 years later, I still speak to him, and when I’m in the area, I stop by to visit.February 11, 2014 6:16 pm at 6:16 pm #1003745streekgeekParticipant
Rising613 – Smart move! Personally, I think teachers are the most valuable resource available to teens and it’s taken for granted way too often. In my case I had my high school principal, as well as a teacher reach out to me so I can’t say how to form the initial connection, however I can tell you one thing. Once you leave school please DON’T let the relationship fall to the side as more (seemingly) important things fill your life. This is one thing you should not let go of.February 12, 2014 7:46 am at 7:46 am #1003746
im still at a loss on how to even approach them, i feel like they are always on the run.February 16, 2014 4:28 am at 4:28 am #1003747
still need help please!February 16, 2014 3:23 pm at 3:23 pm #1003748sem613Participant
you just need to catch them long enough to ask for a meeting. teachers generally have some time set aside for that, you just need to claim itFebruary 16, 2014 3:37 pm at 3:37 pm #1003749
My observations from the boys system may not hold true by girls, but for what its worth…
No one wants to be used. A good teacher/Rebbe will make himself available for a student when approached, if they see that there is a sincere need. If you’ve approached one with a problem, or desire to discuss something, and been rebuffed, that’s no good. But you haven’t said that. Rather, you feel you may need them in the future. So you want to get to know one, so they’ll be available when necessary. I agree that you need that, but I’m sorry, I think its a disrespectful way to approach someone, and I think teachers sense that. Its fake and insincere. Not enough that you want the person to give time for a relationship clearly one-sided from the beginning. If they got the feeling that you really felt you’d grow from it, that would be incentive enough to give their time. But if you really don’t desire it at all, but want them at your service at some future time of need…
A more sincere approach would be to realize that while there may be times in the future when such a relationship will be crucial, it makes sense that its probably very beneficial now as well. So do some introspection, and realize in which areas in your life you can benefit from guidance. You sound like a mature enough teenager to realize that having the perspective of an older person you respect is always helpful, not just in times of crisis. Then you can sincerely approach them and initiate a discussion, and they’ll hopefully be open to it.February 17, 2014 5:52 am at 5:52 am #1003750
Wow. I didn’t expect to get away with that. So either I was wrong about that, or no one read it.February 17, 2014 7:15 am at 7:15 am #1003751
sorry logician, im not letting u off so easy! i just didn’t have time to respond. now that i do, here’s what i have to Say:
First and foremost, i have heard 2 teachers explicitly say to a class that one of the main reasons that students should have a kesher with a teacher (besides for discussing a particular issue) is so that they will have who to turn to in the future if they need. and this, is actually my main problem! i don’t want a kesher with my teachers just in case i need something from them in the future, but i want a kesher with them because they are my role models. I really admire and look up to them and i can learn so much from them! therefore yes, i do want them for the future, but not just in case i would need them one day, i would want to constantly touch base with them and constantly learn from them.
So, when i heard the teacher say that the purpose of a kesher is so just in case we should ever need something in the future, we can turn to them, her tone made me sort of delfate. to me, it sounded like she said that they are taking us under their wing as a “nebach” or “chesed case” and help us until we leave high school. then, in the future, if we chas veshalom should bother them with our problems or ask them for something, they will be there.
ok, so i may be exaggerating a bit, but firstly, this teacher made it seem like building a kesher with a student is a job or a bother. Does it really have to be that way? and secondly, why is it that students have to have an issue to discuss in order to build a kesher with a teacher? can’t we just want to say hello and have a friendly conversation?!
(Note: input from teachers themsleves is welcome and sought for)February 17, 2014 2:34 pm at 2:34 pm #1003752
Ah. Now you begin to exlain.
Funny that a teacer who’d say that would then not be easily accessible ? Unless you’re specifically pursuing another…
That doesn’t necessarily mean putting down. Just explaining that even if you’re ok now, you’ll probably need them in future. But I guess that depends how its said.
You don’t have to have a problem. But this is not a friend. Do you think they’re lacking friends ? At the end of the day, their motivation is to help, not to widen their social circle.
Friendly conversation with a teacher isn’t going to create the kesher we’re discussing. So B”H no problem – but plenty of questions about important topics in life… things to ponder and learn…
And its not that practical for a teacher to have time for whatever number of students either… It’s like that by the boys, and by any mentor figure. They’re in high demand – you gotta be somewhat pushy.
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