April 10, 2011 4:09 am at 4:09 am #596208smartlittlecookieMember
Im davenng for years for my bashert and my zivug still never came. I feel like im just burnt out of davening so much when i see no results. Is that a terrible thought?!April 10, 2011 4:17 am at 4:17 am #758470MindOverChatterParticipant
I heard (or read) that if Moshe Rabbeinu would’ve davened ONE more time, Hashem would’ve allowed him to enter Eretz Yisrael. Maybe this very next teffila of yours will bring your zivug closer. Teffilos NEVER go to waste. Perhaps in the zechus of your teffilos your bashert is shteiging away now. Hatzlacha! May you find your bashert real soon.April 10, 2011 4:18 am at 4:18 am #758471golden momMember
No its not terrible but maybe u have to switch gears! Like look for something diff if ur only looking for one type consider st even if its totally not what u had in mind hey u never know. And get brochos from rebbes it can only helpApril 10, 2011 4:51 am at 4:51 am #758472Pashuteh YidMember
The pasuk says that Chana actually got angry with the RBSH in a sense, and finally he listened. It says merov kaasah. You may want to try arguing with Him. Avraham Avinu said Chalila lecha, hashofet kol haaretz lo yaaseh mishpat?
All of us here give you our heartfelt brachos that you get your bashert immediately.April 10, 2011 4:53 am at 4:53 am #758473cshapiroMember
try personal prayer…its totally different, speak to hashem in ur own words, itll build a different relationship, if u wanna check out in forest fields by rabbi arush, translated by rabbi brody, its amazing!!April 10, 2011 4:58 am at 4:58 am #758474eclipseMember
Yes,talking directly to Hashem really helps.And Forest Fields is a great book!
cshapiro,how are ya?April 10, 2011 7:05 am at 7:05 am #758478Baal BooseParticipant
check out the sefer from R shimshon Pincus.
i dont meant to needle, but do you mske it a point to show up at least one minute ealry for davening.
You would if you gave it chseevus.
i started doing it ( including early enough to say 5 kapitals thillim, )and starting seeing results within a week.April 10, 2011 8:14 am at 8:14 am #758479RABBAIMParticipant
have a private conversation in your own spaceApril 10, 2011 8:40 am at 8:40 am #758480hanibParticipant
i also never understood the davening – it can feel as if you’re literally talking to a wall. but then i realized that when it said that Hashem answered Chana’s and Sara’s tefillos, it didn’t mean that that was the first time they davened. but rather after davening, and davening, finally, for some reason, that tefillah was answered. maybe all those tefillos add up and get us to do that one davening, and then Hashem answers us immediately or it’s the culmination of all the davening. or our davening changes us and/or our bashert to make us more ready for marriage.
one rebbetzin once told me that she and her husband changed/grew during marriage, while she sees that many people have to grow tremendously/change before marriage. why some 1 way and some another, no clue.
so good luck and keep davening. and remember that the best davening is not from the mind, but from the heart.April 10, 2011 1:26 pm at 1:26 pm #758482Torah4MeParticipant
Have you seen the Sefer ‘sheorim b’tfillah’ by R’ shimshun Pincus? It looks at all the 10 types of tefillah and shows you how to use each one to achieve your request from H-shem. one of these is mentioned above – using a argument. It is an amazing sefer and not very expensive. May you find your Bashert soon.April 10, 2011 1:50 pm at 1:50 pm #758483ursula momishMember
No, burnout is very normal. May your tefillos and the tefillos of others on your behalf be answered l’tova bekarov! Yeshuas Hashm kiheref ayin.
(DISCLAIMER: Please, no one be offended by what I write, this is just my personal experience, i’m not extrapolating to anyone else’s situation, or making any assumptions about it, or advising anyone of what to do. Please don’t yell at me.)
Two personal stories (rather long, sorry): Everyone in my family married late, my parents, siblings, relatives — the youngest to get married was almost thirty, the others including me almost forty, almost fifty (to people of comparable age or older)–but just because it was the family experience didn’t make it easier. It was very very hard and there were times i (I can’t speak for my siblings/relatives) did give up. One year I took a trip to EY with a friend — a tzaddeikes to put up with me–and we went to kivrei tzaddikim, davened whereever we could, and cried all the way to AMuka, all the time there, and all the time back. Did I meet my future husband there? No, not until about a year later (ten years in older-single time).
Did the tefillos and tears help? Yes.
Eventually I went to a gadol and said listen, i’m a woman, there’s no chiyuv on me to marry, i’m really feeling old and tired and discouraged, so is it ok if i stop dating already? like, if Hshm wants me to get married He can just trap me in an elevator with the right guy or something, right?
to my surprise the rav said no, you do have a chiyuv, the man can’t marry without you, etc. then he asked about the men i had seen lately and gave me some good advice, which i followed.
so about a week later, after standing my future husband up one time because he didn’t sound so excited (to my jaundiced ears) he proposed on the third date but i was so shell-shocked it didn’t really penetrate.
fast forward a few years and b”H a few children later and my older brother–a much nicer and better person than i will ever be–is still single. mid-forties. parshas chayei sara. i’m on the phone wishing my mother a good shabbos and tell her to daven hard for brother this week. i start to cry because i really remember how it felt and imagine how it is for him and my mother is shocked. i hang up with her and grab my boys’ hands and tell them we are going to practice dancing for uncle x’s wedding and we dance around and around singing ohd yeshama and crying until we fell down. then my husband gave tzedaka with him in mind.
my brother got engaged that purim.
we are not taking any credit for it but our tefillos couldn’t have hurt.
i know other people’s stories don’t really help but, try not to give up entirely. Hatzlacha!April 10, 2011 3:02 pm at 3:02 pm #758484eclipseMember
ursula…wow.Well-written and inspiring!April 11, 2011 1:05 am at 1:05 am #758485GumBallMember
I LOVE davening!!! i totally love it!! lk you want somefin you daven and hashem answers it!!! its the BEST,BEST,BEST thing to do!!April 11, 2011 5:39 pm at 5:39 pm #758486adorableParticipant
ursula- wow your story is amazing! I must admit that when I saw this thread I was going to post that I am also fed up sometimes but since I read your post I cannot say that anymore. I cant say that its always easy but thank you!April 12, 2011 3:39 pm at 3:39 pm #758487smartlittlecookieMember
Thanks all of you. I guess all i need is chizukApril 13, 2011 12:05 am at 12:05 am #758488rescue37Participant
Daven for someone else and forgot about yourself.
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