Calling uncles and aunts without using their title
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- This topic has 64 replies, 32 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 1 month ago by TheGoq.
October 25, 2014 11:27 pm at 11:27 pm #614017
Is it an unacceptable lack of manners? When we were children it was inconceivable to call or even to refer to an uncle or aunt without their title. It was Uncle Shimon, Aunt Heidi, Feter Zecharia, Tante Malkie, etc. If we’d dare say their first name alone our parents would give it to us.
These days the coin seems to have flipped with children calling their parents siblings by their name alone.
Yeridos Hadoros? Time to wash out their mouths with soap?October 25, 2014 11:48 pm at 11:48 pm #1136696Letakein GirlParticipant
Why is that yeridas hadoros? It shows that our generation is more comfortable with adults. That’s not necessarily a bad thing- it’s just different.
Parenting styles that worked wonders thirty years ago could prove disastrous if used today, for this reason.October 25, 2014 11:55 pm at 11:55 pm #1136697
Chill! It’s not a terrible travesty! Each family has their own preference in this and if you want your kids to call them aunt uncle etc you introduce them that way so it’s natural. That’s all!October 25, 2014 11:58 pm at 11:58 pm #1136698ubiquitinParticipant
I’m so confused Isnt it up to the uncles and aunts in queston? If Uncle Shimon is comforatble being called “Shimon” are we to tell him too bad, lior says it is “unacceptable”?October 26, 2014 12:33 am at 12:33 am #1136699ChortkovParticipant
In my circles, there is a pretty clear pattern about this – the older the generation, the more chance of calling with a title. In my family, my fathers siblings are much older than my mothers (my father is youngest, mother is second), and we call all my maternal uncles by first name but paternal by Uncle/Aunt title. It is simply got to do with how casual the relationship is, and the younger they are the more casual (and automatically less respectful) the relationship is.October 26, 2014 12:49 am at 12:49 am #1136700screwdriverdelightParticipant
There’s no mitzvah to show respect to uncles & aunts.October 26, 2014 12:55 am at 12:55 am #1136701👑RebYidd23Participant
I get offended when called a title by nephews/nieces.October 26, 2014 1:05 am at 1:05 am #1136702
yekke2: me too. on one side of the family where my uncles and aunts are older, we call them w/ titles, on the other side where my aunts/uncles are much younger, we call them w/o titles.October 26, 2014 1:09 am at 1:09 am #1136703
Umm I’m seventeen, for goodness sake. That would be creepy.October 26, 2014 1:28 am at 1:28 am #1136704
i have 2 agree letakein girl that our generation is more comfortable w/ adults but still its a lack of kavod not calling them by their title. What scared driver said theres no mitzvah 2 honor ur aunt or uncle i have no idea what he is talking about.October 26, 2014 1:32 am at 1:32 am #1136705
CIJ:???October 26, 2014 1:39 am at 1:39 am #1136706hodulashemParticipant
When I became an aunt at 13, my sister-in-law asked me if I wanted to be Aunt, Auntie, Tanta, Doda etc…. and I said “why can’t I just be Hodulashem?” She said that she called all her aunts and uncles by titles, and felt it was better for her children’s chinuch to do the same… She claimed that it’s ok for a 4 year old to call her 17 year old aunt by her first name, but when my niece would be 17 and I would be 30, it wouldn’t be so respectful anymore… I don’t remember what title I chose to make her happy, but long story shorter, my nieces and nephews usually just call me by my name and I prefer it that way! But hey, I’m only in my 20’s …I’ll let you know if I feel disrespected when I’m 30October 26, 2014 1:39 am at 1:39 am #1136707
As a very young prolific uncle, I was peeved by never being referred to by my proper title. However, the older of my nephews and nieces were hardly going to change overnight. So I took the initiative. I focused on the younger ones, and attempted to persuade them to call me ‘Uncle’. This tactic was largely successful, until one of them, being around 2, began completely mispronouncing it a ‘Uggle’ (whatever my name may be). Suffice it to say that this was very amusing, and years later, I find I am still called this by many of my family.
May this be a lesson to all egotistical youngsters.October 26, 2014 1:44 am at 1:44 am #1136708
i believe there is an extra letter or word in the posuk that chazel learn out that u should honor ur eldersOctober 26, 2014 1:46 am at 1:46 am #1136709funnyboneParticipant
When I was a kid I used titles. Most of my friends didn’t. I personally think they’re dumb; my kids don’t and I hate it when my nephews/neices call me with a title. But their parents insist, so I accept it.October 26, 2014 1:48 am at 1:48 am #1136710
its lack of honor not to be called by ur title but if my nieces or nephews would not want 2 say it i have np with them not saying it.October 26, 2014 1:50 am at 1:50 am #1136711screwdriverdelightParticipant
moegreen: care to explain?????October 26, 2014 2:06 am at 2:06 am #1136712
I would feel really weird if my nieces and nephews called me “Aunt” (especially the older ones) Makes me sound like an old lady! (No offence to old ladies but I’m seventeen and hardly think I qualify as one)October 26, 2014 2:30 am at 2:30 am #1136713
idk, im around your age, and while i dont have any nieces or nephews, i wouldnt find it “creepy” to be called “uncle”, though i would rather not be called by a titleOctober 26, 2014 2:37 am at 2:37 am #1136714
“idk, im around your age, and while i dont have any nieces or nephews, i wouldnt find it “creepy” to be called “uncle” “
Precisely – you don’t have nieces and nephews……(I can just see the look on my fifteen-year-old nephew’s face if I asked him to start calling me “Aunt”……)
Forget creepy, it’s just plain weirdOctober 26, 2014 2:39 am at 2:39 am #1136715popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Alternatively bec lots of aunts and uncles today are very young themselves.October 26, 2014 2:52 am at 2:52 am #1136716
CIJ: oh i didnt realize that ur nephew was so old! that would b weird, very weirdOctober 26, 2014 2:55 am at 2:55 am #1136717Letakein GirlParticipant
I know someone that is in the same class as her aunt. Lol, it would be really funny if the niece would call her aunt as such!
Voddmart, I literally LOLed after reading your post. I like British humor!October 26, 2014 4:05 am at 4:05 am #1136718
British humor? Cuz there’s one funny person in England it’s British humor? Sorry, humour!October 26, 2014 4:14 am at 4:14 am #1136719
Perhaps not a ????, but definitely a ?????.October 26, 2014 4:14 am at 4:14 am #1136720
Oh, and thanks.October 26, 2014 4:28 am at 4:28 am #1136721
“There’s no mitzvah to show respect to uncles & aunts.”
Rabbeinu Yona in Sefer HaYira 203 writes that one is obligated to honor their uncles and aunts. He makes a Kal VaChomer from the obligation to honor a stepparent. See also Sefer Chareidim Perek 12:3 and the Chida in Birchei Yosef.October 26, 2014 7:05 am at 7:05 am #1136722
My three year old calls my little sister ‘aunty’. My sister is 12. And all my nieces and nephews call me aunty as well.October 26, 2014 11:33 am at 11:33 am #1136723
Three years old is not fifteen years old…….also it largely has to do with what makes you comfortable…..I personally would feel really weird if even my three-year-old niece called me “Aunt”/”Auntie” etc.October 26, 2014 12:14 pm at 12:14 pm #1136724Baruch10901Participant
This is a very curious observation though there are no rules, culturally or otherwise. AS a matter of fact I have never thought about it until this morning when I opened this site. IT doesn’t really matter much as my neices & nephews have come to know me and address me as the rest of the family does: my first name. To all of you folks out there in the Jewish blogosphere who have children of marriagable age or who are married already,it’s very important to set the stage to in laws and childrens spouses on how you would like to be addressed. If this is not carved in stone they will end up calling you nothing or ” hello” . My parents addressed there mechutanim as Mr or Mrs Shlepowitz which which I always thought absurd unless you are in your 40’s and the in laws are 70 something and Rabbi or Rebitzen in a big shul, Even than first names should be incorporated. Now to push the envelope IMHO to address a mother in law or father in law by first name is the way I would like it though that’s not the way it is in my family though I wish it were. Sorry to use this yeshivish site as my personal platform. And if the moderator deems it inappropriate and deletes it an blocks me out from future comments it’s also OK SHALOMOctober 26, 2014 12:19 pm at 12:19 pm #1136725SayIDidIt™Participant
What if the Uncle/Aunt is younger then the Nephew/Niece?!October 26, 2014 12:36 pm at 12:36 pm #1136726TheGoqParticipant
I was much closer to my n/n than to their parents informality did not bother me.October 26, 2014 12:53 pm at 12:53 pm #1136727
I can understand if the age gap is very small. However I think it’s important for younger children to give their adolescent and adult uncles and aunts their proper title. My brother and my husband actually have the same name so I insist on the title.October 26, 2014 12:55 pm at 12:55 pm #1136728
And assuming in future years some of my siblibgs’ offspring start regularly calling me Uncle, what do you suggest I do when I get one that’s older than me.October 26, 2014 1:08 pm at 1:08 pm #1136729
How do you suddenly get a nephew older than you? Or am I just not getti g the British humour?October 26, 2014 1:11 pm at 1:11 pm #1136730
And for the record this is not a new thing. We called our aunts and uncles by their first names without a title over 40 years agoOctober 26, 2014 1:27 pm at 1:27 pm #1136731
sirvoddmort, I wouldn’t know. I don’t have any “siblibgs”. 😉
(P.S – You forgot to sign off 🙂 )October 26, 2014 1:30 pm at 1:30 pm #1136732
ivory: That just means your Yeridos Hadoros was more advanced than most others… 😉October 26, 2014 1:47 pm at 1:47 pm #1136733Baruch10901Participant
I am told in certain circles a man does not address his wife by her first name.October 26, 2014 3:05 pm at 3:05 pm #1136734
How do you suddenly get a nephew older than you? Or am I just not getting the British humour?
Well, I am not going to be too specific, but take into account gender, and the marital age gap, and I’m sure you can work out how somebody who currently isn’t younger than any of their siblings’ children, could get a nephew older than them.
DukeOctober 26, 2014 3:09 pm at 3:09 pm #1136735
I am told in certain circles a man does not address his wife by her first name.
I just call them No. 1, No. 2 and ‘Carrot’.October 26, 2014 4:37 pm at 4:37 pm #1136736writersoulParticipant
I never called my aunts and uncles by titles- they were always called by their first names. I did grow up with a lot of respect for elders- my neighbors and friends’ moms were always “Mrs X” and my parents were incredulous when they heard that some of my teachers in sem want to be called by their first names (I still have something holding me back from using them)- but my aunts and uncles always preferred to be called by their first names only. Just as a parent can be mochel on their kavod in any ways, kal vachomer an aunt or uncle, no?October 26, 2014 5:30 pm at 5:30 pm #1136737
As an aside, what do people think of friends’spouses calling you by your first name?October 26, 2014 5:32 pm at 5:32 pm #1136738🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
I had never thought about it until I got married and my husband never used my friends first names. It made me more conscientious about it and I think it would feel weird to be called by name by his friends.October 26, 2014 6:21 pm at 6:21 pm #1136739
“Just as a parent can be mochel on their kavod in any ways, kal vachomer an aunt or uncle, no?”
A parent cannot be mochel their kovod to allow their children to call them by their first name.October 26, 2014 6:22 pm at 6:22 pm #1136740☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Just call them by their screen names.December 7, 2014 9:09 pm at 9:09 pm #1136741barlevParticipant
My boss had a son in the business who used to call his own dad by his first name, I found it terribly chutzpadik, but never voiced my thoughts on the matterDecember 7, 2014 9:34 pm at 9:34 pm #1136742Chochom-ibberParticipant
I’d like to be called Sir, Lord or The Honourable.December 7, 2014 9:39 pm at 9:39 pm #1136743Chochom-ibberParticipant
On a more serious note;
I was passing a public school a few years back when I overheard a little girl refer the the older woman holding her hand as “Mommy”. What caught my attention was the “Adult’s” response – “UGHH, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!! IT MAKES ME SOUND SO OLD! Call me Lauren!”
There are many many issues with that story.December 8, 2014 11:35 pm at 11:35 pm #1136744tzviki16Member
Lior: why can’t they be mochel on that? it’s probably not good chinuch but why can’t they be mochel?
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