Can someone please help me

On a side note why ask advice from random lunatics on the Internet? Ask a Rav or Mentor

back from sem: Forget all those relationships you formed with all the girls, that is what is confusing you, I think.

I agree, that’s y I suggested not
To listen to my advice

In any case, you need real live guidance. Don’t you have anyone to contact from the Sem that knows you and can give proper guidance.

The number for AishNY is 1 212-921-9090. Maybe they can put you in touch with a Rabbi or mentor. Also you can contact them via FB. Just search for AishNY.

Ask Hashem to be patient with you, go slowly, your brain is confused, but Hashem is your only concern, you don’t need to live up to any other’s expectation.

It’s normal to come down somewhat after coming back from sem, once out of that vacuum, it’s almost impossible to maintain the levels obtained while there. What’s important is to keep looking forward and up. Life is a downhill escalator. If you’re not working all the time, you’re going down. The more you work, the more you will climb.

As to the question of who you are, you are whoever you want to be – not the girl before sem and not the girl at sem, but a combination. You know what it was like to struggle like you did before sem and now you have goals that you were able to set your sights on while at sem. Let go of the image that you have of yourself before sem and just keep moving forward. It’s the yetzer hara that’s telling you that you didn’t really change and that you’ll never change and can never be like you were when you were in sem. Don’t listen.

Try to get some basic values/guidelines set up for yourself before you go looking for shidduchim. You can’t fit yourself into the mold a boy might create for you. You have to define yourself more and then you’ll know when there is a good fit with the boy you meet.

Like others have said above, get real life guidance. There are many continuation programs in US for after sem. You could find something that interests you and go to some classes and see if the teachers there would be good sources of advice. Don’t rush. Good advice is not easy to come by.

Chin up and hatzlacha rabba!!!

Contact Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstien at Or Naavah. He’ll help you. Kudos to you for coming so far. Hatzlacha rabbah! You have a great future ahead of you!

Getting married doesn’t lock you in place, it just binds you and your husband together.

back from sem,

Superd -isn’t it better for me to get married now? Cuz then I’ll have to be on the level I am on now

Unless you know what your values and goals are, that is a recipe for disaster, and would CV”S lead to deep resentment.

What if I know that he will help me with hashkafa

Like what if I know for a FACT

Impossible to know in real life.

I think going to seminary confuses people, too many distractions, too many comparisons, too much competition, too much looking at other people and measuring oneself by them, and not understanding that each person is so different from any other Try growing SLOWLY at your own pace, trying to understand that you will not be left behind because all in in Hashem’s Hand, not panicking, staying sane!
You need to de-stress after seminary, a very un-natural environment!

What are you doing now, working or lounging around at home?

Firstly, try to figure out why the yetzer hara tripped you up before and what changed when you were in sem.

Are you back in the same situation/conditions/relationship dynamic that tripped you up in the first place?

Secondly, utilizing our strengths productively (think job or chesed), maintaining an attitude of gratitude (think gratitude journal), and strengthening our relationships can help us maintain a growth mindset.

Dear “Back From Sem” –
You sound like a young woman with a good heart. I am an old man who has — amid all the joys of life — experienced periods of confusion and pain to which all humans are subject. Nonetheless, it is your pain and confusion. It is real and it deserves compassionate advice.
Please excuse me if any of this sounds glib or simplistic. It is not. It is based on many false starts and the wisdom gained from all those dead ends.
Amid all the suggestions of a spiritual nature, it is essential to not forget the physical. Assuming you are in good health, follow these guidelines for 30 days and — while there is no magic formula to solve every dilemma we face — you are virtually guaranteed an improved outlook and increased feelings of contentment if you do:
1) Exercise! Find a program you can stick with and start… no excuses. Personally, I find yoga and tai chi best, but whatever the activity works best for you — walking, jogging, tennis, etc. — start slowly. But don’t miss a single day for 30 days. Mark off your days on a calendar. Then, after 30 days, you can re-evaluate the program to be sure it is one you can continue.
2) Pay attention to your sleep habits. Try to get to bed every night and rise every morning at the same time. Save your naps for Shabbat.
3) Get out of bed immediately when you awake.
4) Take care of the things you least want to do first… in the morning and throughout each day.
5) Limit your time on electronic devices.
6) Keep a healthy diet. Beware of fads and unproven claims, but limit fats, junk food and sugars and increase your intake of fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains. This is easiest to do if you allow yourself such things on an occasional basis. My best success has been with saving such treats for Shabbat because, after all, you’re never more than three days away from Shabbat.
7) Avoid excessive intoxication, but absolutely do enjoy some wine or a l’chaim on Shabbat and yomim tovim.
8) Focus intently on making others happy through an open heart and a sincere smile. Actively search for such opportunities in the street, at school, at work.
9) Spend time every day appreciating the natural world; plant a garden; study a tree; sit on the ground and watch ants at work; listen for bird calls; read nature guides about plants, minerals, insects, mammals, fishes, birds, weather, etc. Make a real study of it or of some miraculous subject such as anatomy, physiology, chemistry, etc.
10) Find one pasuk that speaks to you deeply and repeat it. Repeat it again. Keep repeating. For me, “Zeh hayom asah Hashem; nagilah v’nism’cha bo — THIS is the day the Lord has made; let us be glad and rejoice in IT” (emphasis added) has even surpassed “Be Here Now” as constant inspiration.
You’re in this for the long haul, BFSem, 120 years. You are the only one who can make these things happen, and you can only do so by taking responsibility for doing so. With the proper understanding of how unlikely it is to be alive in such an incomprehensibly amazing world, you can then follow this paraphrased advice from a teacher of mine, zatsal:
Whenever you find yourself lacking in joy, picture yourself standing knee-deep in the middle of a cool, refreshing river that is flowing all around you. Now realize it is a river of simcha you are standing in — constantly abundant waters of joy. Whenever you feel the need, see yourself in that river, bend down, cup your hands and drink your fill.
Wishing you all the best!