Cell Phones On Dates

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  • #590803

    Is it appropriate for a guy to bring a cell phone with him on a date? I don’t have a lot of experience dating so I want to get some opinions. Until now I have always brought my phone with me and left it on with the ringer silenced, I admit I have forgotten to turn off the ringer sometimes but I’ve never answered or made a call without having a good reason that I explained to the girl. My reason for bringing the phone is that I feel that I am responsible for the girl while we are out and in case of emergency I think it’s important to have a way to call for help right away. The reason I’m questioning my logic is that I recently went on a date with a girl who brought her cell phone with her (on the first date) and seemed to be checking it for text messages a couple of times (not while we were talking but as we were getting up to leave and while getting into the car). I found this to be a little annoying and I’m wondering if girls feel the same way about guys bringing their cell phones.

    What do you think?

    #668831

    FunnyBunny
    Member

    Personally, since I don’t bring my cell with me on dates, I would rather prefer the guy does bring his. Case in point, the second time I went out (first guy), we got very lost in Manhattan on a rainy night, looking for a restaurant… and he couldn’t call to ask for directions, b/c he didn’t have his cell. I was also one time on a date where the guy’s phone did ring, and he just quietly hit the ignore button and put it away.

    #668832

    pookie
    Member

    i think a boy not having i phone on a date is not responsible and i would have my doubts

    #668833

    Thanks for the replies, I like when people agree with me. For some reason I seem to get more phone calls when I’m on a date, especially when I forget to shut off the ringer. I usually apologize to the girl, shut off the ringer and wait until the girl is in the bathroom to check the voicemail.

    #668834

    NY Mom
    Member

    Bring it. Just keep it on vibrate and don’t answer it. No texting either.

    #668835

    mybat
    Member

    Take your cell phone but don’t check for SMS. And don’t answer it if it rings.

    #668836

    BEST IMA
    Participant

    Take it with you but i wouldnt even keep it on vibrate. Its kinda annoying when youre sitting with someone and something starts vibrating. Just keep it on silent.

    #668837

    tamazaball
    Member

    for sure bring your cellphone! i never saw it weird just leave it on vibrating, and dont text.

    #668838

    Jothar
    Member

    If the boy/girl cares more about his/her toy than you, you know it won’t get better when you’re married.

    #668839

    willi
    Member

    It’s rude if you make / answer calls during a date, and inappropriate if it even rings or vibrates. So put it on silence or shut it off. if you’re a woman you can put your cell phone into a dainty little purse that you carry with you, and a man can put it into a pocket. (or bag)

    #668840

    shaatra
    Member

    Of course bring it with you, (and she should too) keep it on silent, and don’t take it out of ur pocket.

    #668841

    haifagirl
    Participant

    I agree with the bring it with you but leave it silent and don’t look at it rule. The only exception would be if you might be getting some sort of important call (for example if you’re a doctor), in which case you apologize to your date at the beginning but let him/her know you might get such call. In that case you can leave the ringer on, check when it rings, but if it’s not that call, DON’T ANSWER IT!

    #668842

    neatfreak
    Member

    I would bring my cell phone with me but i would turn it off before i was picked up. this way if needed it was available (once we had to call for directions and another time to find out where the next available mincha was) but it was not distarcting me and i would not be able to check for texts or anything.

    #668843

    Phyllis
    Member

    The nerve of a date to answer a cell phon. Though I heard of a common problem. The boy says he need to be excused, he goes to the mens room, and spends a half hour there talking on his phone discussing the date.

    #668844

    working
    Member

    I dont really understand why someone would put the cell phone on vibrate. Right now the person you are dealing with should be a lot more on your mind than the phone call. Put it on silence. If your not gonna answer it anyway whats the point of vibrate — and then it get you curious to know who called and whatever.

    #668845

    Rochelle
    Member

    Of course you should bring it. If you see the girl your dating is dull, uninteresting or mind-numbing, its a real lifesaver. start blabbering on your phone and she’ll be the one saying no.

    #668846

    willi
    Member

    when the phone keeps vibrating or beeping during a date, it sounds like you’re desperate to appear “vichtig” or ultra busy..

    #668847

    mazca
    Member

    just take the cell for an emergency but turn it off

    #668848

    useurbarin
    Member

    While I think it is very important to bring your cell phone on the date just in case G-d forbid something happens (flat tire, dead car etc.) one should not be checking txt messages or anything on the actual date. It should either be left in the car or on silent in your pocket. A date is short and all time should be focused on getting to know the person and seeing if it is a potential mate, not your friends asking if he is cute or if she is pretty.

    #668849

    I appreciate all of your opinions, I think in the future I will continue to bring the phone and either put it on vibrate or silence, depending on if she would be able to hear the noise when it vibrates. The reason I don’t want to shut it off completely is that I have received important calls during dates, of course I wouldn’t answer the first call from anyone (unless I was expecting it and told the date about it beforehand) but if someone who knows you are on a date is calling you a bunch of times in a row it’s possible there is an emergency or something you need to know about. That said I will be more careful in the future to make sure it doesn’t look like I’m playing with my phone a lot or that I have more important things to so than talk to my date.

    #668850

    oomis
    Participant

    It is never acceptable (unless one has an ill family member or someone is going into labor) to speak on your cell phone on a date. Turn it off if you can or leave it silent. You can always check your messages when you go to the restroom, if it is so urgent. Never let the other person feel your phone is more important than the date. My daughter had an eye-opening experience, with a guy who took every call he got. The fellow was over 30 at the time, and it is clear why he is to this day still unmarried. He was VERY rude. No one is that important unless he is a doctor, that he MUST talk on the phone every time it rings. And that goes for the girls, as well. You’re on a date, BE on a date!

    #668851

    d a
    Member

    I dont think turning your phone off is a good idea. Almost everyone agrees that a cellphone should be taken on a date IN CASE OF EMERGANCY. Most cellphones take time to turn on. C”V, if something happens, your phone should be ready in a second, not in a minute. SILENT (or vibrate) ONLY!

    May everyone be safe, and find their right one soon!

    #668852

    shaatra
    Member

    Rochelle: LOL!

    #668853

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    I think one should have it on vibrate or silent, never answer it during date,

    or check text. that;s what excusing yourself to the restroom is for.

    unless you drank too much coke or pepsi. (depending on the lounge)

    The only time it is appropriate to use during date is when your a)lost, b)flat,

    c)accident, d)or all of the above.

    If you answered d)you’re not getting another date!

    #668854

    Elliot1234
    Participant

    What should be the problem with answering it?

    #668855

    Jewess
    Member

    Yes–bring it, and yes–use your brain. Don’t be rude and text while having dinner with your date.

    #668856

    haifagirl
    Participant

    What should be the problem with answering it?

    It’s rude, that’s what!

    #668857

    working
    Member

    Elliot1234- I hope you got married before the “everyone has a cell phone” stage. Talking on the phone or texing is a very serious problem when dating. I for one wouldnt even consider a guy that thinks his cell phone is more important than me right now!!

    #668858

    oomis
    Participant

    Elliot, if you have to ask that, then you are probably guilty of doing so. if you are on a date, THAT is where your mind should be, and not on the millions of chashuveh people just dying to contact you during those two or three hours. People who cannot let go of their phones even to potentially meet their basherts, are just acting like jerks. And believe me, no girl will want to go out twice with a guy who embarrasses her by taking repeated calls, unless he is a brain surgeon on call (in which case he should never have made a date for that night). This goes both ways, too. Girls have no business being ont he phone either. I have a friend who is always checking her e-mail and texting when she is with me, and I have stopped socializing with her on a regular basis, because after nicely asking her to stop, she continues to do this. IT IS VERY RUDE and it tells the other person that you really don’t care about their feelings!No one is so important that he must be reached 24/7, unless, as I said, he is a brain surgeon (or if chalilah there is a family emergency).

    #668859

    working
    Member

    oomis i am in total agreement with you. I have a friend that officialy doesnt talk on the phone, only texts. I hate it. And oh by the way i dont either walk with such people on the street. It is so annoying to walk with a person who is holding a conversation with someone else. They talk and then give a sudden stop on the street thinking and me like a golem keeps walking. There is such a thing called kuved habrius. Cell phones can be a very usefull thing if used in a normal fashion.

    #668860

    Jothar
    Member

    Rav Dovid Weinberger Shlit”a mentioned cellphones as another cause of divorce. People pay more attention to their machines than to their spouses. Or people are taking care of their kids and instead of giving them attention, are on the phone with or texting someone else. Kids need personal attention.

    #668861

    Just-a-guy
    Member

    Cellphones are not a cause of divorce. Rudeness and lack of consideration manifested through over-attention to cellphones, and neglect of one’s spouse may be a cause of divorce, but a cellphone is an inanimate object that doesn’t cause anyone to do anything.

    #668862

    willi
    Member

    I know who woman who says her husband is married to ‘mrs blackberry.’

    So if you can already see while dating that you’re dealing with a ‘mr. blackberry’ it, it won’t get any better after marriage.

    #668863

    oomis
    Participant

    “Rav Dovid Weinberger Shlit”a mentioned cellphones as another cause of divorce. People pay more attention to their machines than to their spouses. Or people are taking care of their kids and instead of giving them attention, are on the phone with or texting someone else. Kids need personal attention.”

    You’ll get no argument from me on this one.

    #668865

    Elliot1234
    Participant

    Your right, it is very rude

    #668866

    anonymrs
    Participant

    i know this is a dating conversation, but i have a question. why should it stop when the dating stage has stopped? if you are out spending quality time with your wife, why not keep the phone on silent/vibrate? if you are eating dinner with your family, make it about family time. most calls can wait.

    #668867

    dunno
    Member

    anonymrs: If I recall correctly, there was on thread on this previously. I wholeheartedly agree with you.

    #668869

    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    anonymrs; Good point! You are very right. Personally, my cell is always set to vibrate.

    I can’t take it when i’m in shul and these Kalei Rosh,

    come in without closing ringer. in middle of Shomneh Esrei their cell phones

    start blasting away with all these crazy loud ringtones,

    some even let it ring for a while. why they do not jump to silence it,

    or why they come into shul everyday without changing the setting is beyond me.

    I’m not talking about the guys who usually do, but occasionally forget.

    I’m talking about the one’s who don’t even chap it is terribly wrong.

    Oh and btw, if you answer your cellphone, girl or boy, while on a date,

    and start schmoozing with your friend, it will affect you,

    for being mentchlich on a date is number #1 priority.

    More important than what you wear or how much you spend. At least to the majority.

    So set your phones to vibrate and Hatzlocha Rabboh.

    #668871

    oomis
    Participant

    The worst cellphone issue is when someone goes to a levaya or shiva house and fails to turn the sound off. With all the musical ringtones so prevalent today, it’s a boosha and incredibly thoughtless that the aveilim have to be subjected to this when they are at the height of mourning.

    #668872

    haifagirl
    Participant

    The worst cellphone issue is when someone goes to a levaya or shiva house and fails to turn the sound off.

    I was at a wedding where the kallah’s father’s cell phone started ringing under the chupah.

    #668873

    balanced
    Participant

    the best rule/answer for every question in life, is its a balance and you need sechel and daas torah to find the balance

    as my rebbi says rules are only good for ppl with sechel otherwise each rule is just another opportunity for the person to display his foolishness. tzaddikim yelchu bo…

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