changing your spouse

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    why is it that women get married because they want to change their husband, and men get married hoping their wives will stay exactly the same?

    To women: Why would u want a male version of you? Whats the fun?

    ☕️coffee addict


    seriously I think it’s because a woman is supposed to be an Eizer and that’s their tachlis, whereas a man marries a woman because this is his match at this point of time therefore she shouldn’t change

    :p> mbachur <d:

    i said so

    the point is not to change ur spouse the point is they should both be working on themelves to become better ppl

    i could understand why u would want ur husband to change but not ur wife

    if u think by marrying someone ull change them ur wrong!


    sorry i don’t get your question. can you explain it better?


    I don’t think women realize what that they are trying to change their husbands to be like them, they just think they are trying to make them in to “better” people.

    The reason men don’t want to change their wives is because when your dating the girl has no responsibilities, she is not running a house, working etc. However once they have to take that on it becomes a lot causing their husbands to think they “changed”


    if my wife wished to change me for the better, she would try to change me to be more like my dog.

    My dog had an excellent disposition that I always envied. She wouldn’t stay mad at her loved ones for more than a few minutes, and was always happy to see her loved ones, enthusiastic, playful and loyal. I have always tried to be more like her, but have achieved only limited success.


    Well everyone see’s making someone better as something else, there is not standard perfect person. You really can learn something from everyone around you!!


    phew! i thought you meant change your spouse for someone else. but i guess you would have written “exchanging your spouse” LOL 🙂

    anyway, i think i’ll keep mine even though i haven’t been able to change him in the past almost 21 yrs. 😉


    I believe that the wife is more often the one working on changing the husband than vice versa because women are in general more (for want of a better term) emotionally manipulative than men are. Then again, Hashem may have given this trait to women precisely to help them be an an eizer knegdo, as mbachur pointed out.

    *Waiting for the bashing to begin*



    It’s not that “women get married BECAUSE they want to change their husband”.

    They pick someone they, for whatever reasons, DO want, and they want him DESPITE certain flaws they DO see in him.

    They are willing to overlook those flaws (for now), because they really believe that THEY will change him.

    Later on they realize they ain’t never gonna change him!


    Not that I know this to be the case, but if both would change each other they would be switching places. So, it’s perfect. They both become like her. He wants her to remain and she changes him to become like her:)



    Sorry, but it’s not that simple.

    Ya see, SHE wants HIM to change and he DOESN”T!

    HE wants HER to stay the same, and she DOESN’T!


    What a strange thread. I didn’t marry my husband to change him.

    However, we both help each other overcome our individual weaknesses. For example, I’m not responsible, so my husband helps me out by giving me specific tasks to do. He also teaches me to look at what has to happen first and foremost and concentrate on that and break things up into small, doable tasks.

    He is helping me refine who I am for the better. I hope he can say the same about me.


    People should realize that you can’t change anyone but yourself. You can only change yourself to accept the flaws in another person, but you can’t change another person to improve their flaws. If you can’t accept a person the way they are then don’t count on changing them, it is a pipe dream that will turn into a nightmare.

    ☕️coffee addict


    I basically said the same thing above, I think it’s right!

    sorry no bashing here

    :p> mbachur <d:


    weird question…


    I wouldnt want my husband to be a copy of me….thats pointless..


    Women marry men and are disappointed when they don’t change. Men marry women and are disappointed when they DO.


    why would a woman want to change a man to be like herself?

    obvious answer: because we like ourselves. 😉

    truthfully, we don’t want to change a man to be like us, but rather to help him be the best that he can be. we marry and see all the great potential and realize that we’re best equipped to help that guy actualize his potential. (not social worker stuff; we respect him and realize we’re his other half; and we are his eizer k’negdo, so we can with chochma help change him). though the good wives never admit that that’s what they’re doing. 😉


    I also read this as changing your spouse for someone else, like changing your socks. I’m glad to see I was wrong.

    doodle jump

    You can’t change your spouse. You can definitely grow together in different areas of life, but I don’t think you can change.

    i said so

    growing is something u can always do together but changing one another doesnt really work and if it does than that person must be miserable


    and i thought from the header that it was a question, if you have had enough of your present spouse, how easy is it to change spouses. like can i pick one up in a second hand shop….??

    i once heard the story of the guy who went to the Kosel and saw his friend there at the wall crying and wailing like never before, thinking what terrible tragedy must have befallen his friend he runs over to him and says, “yankel, what happened”??

    “oy!, said Yankel, “all my friends are already on their second or third wife and i am still stuck with my first”!!!

    sad, maybe not funny, but too true!!!

    we are living in a dispoasable world where we want to keep on changing instead of being happy with what weve got.

    so to answer the original question, anyone marrying their spouse in the hope they will change and be someone else, should rather stay single!!!

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