Chasan and kallah learning together

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  • #617871
    yosefaleichem
    Participant

    Is there an inyan for a chasan and kallah to learn a sefer together while engaged? If so, is there a specific sefer the olam is noheig to learn?

    #1157316
    Joseph
    Participant

    They’re not married before the chasuna and all the regular halachas regulating interactions between men and women are applicable.

    #1157317
    blubluh
    Participant

    Considering all the halachos they will face for the first time the answer should be “yes”, though I don’t know of a sefer written specifically for that purpose.

    I know of a pulpit rabbi who offered a weekly class to newlyweds in his shul for several years. He put together a sourcebook he then used in the lessons, but it’s not a published work.

    #1157318
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Considering all the halachos they will face for the first time the answer should be “yes”

    Considering that they’re not married and shouldn’t be looking for more reasons to see each other, and considering the types of halachos they will be learning, the answer should be, and usually is, “no”.

    That being said, the chosson’s teacher and kallah’s teacher should be on the same page, and this is not always the case.

    #1157319
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Considering that they’re not married and shouldn’t be looking for more reasons to see each other, and considering the types of halachos they will be learning, the answer should be, and usually is, “no”.

    I don’t agree with that at all.

    I think they should spend a lot of time with each other, and speak very often.

    I don’t really think they should learn together though. v’es vahev b’sufah.

    #1157320
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I think it’s asking for trouble on several levels.

    When I got engaged, I asked my rebbe how often we should meet. He responded, “not often”.

    I think every chosson should get guidelines from his rebbe about this, and follow them.

    #1157321
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    My rebbe is a bigger talmid chochom than your rebbe

    #1157322
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I would be very surprised if your rebbeim disagree substantially with mine on this.

    #1157323
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    You agree, that’s why you changed the topic.

    #1157324
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I would also be surprised if my rebbeim couldn’t beat the living daylights out of yours.

    #1157325
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    MODS! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

    DY shoudl be blocked.

    #1157326
    DaasYochid
    Member

    Oh, no, not again…

    #1157327
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Settle it with arm wrestling. Thats not too violent and doesnt run afoul of YWN rules.

    #1157328
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Better yet, have them settle it with thumb wrestling. the more developed thumb from all those svaros will prove who his smarter.

    #1157329
    moishy1998
    Participant

    Seriously both of you probably have great rabbaim and every one just listen to your rebbi

    #1157330
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Yeah, but mine are much greater.

    #1157331
    Joseph
    Participant

    My talmidim claim I’m the greatest Rebbi bzman hazeh.

    #1157332
    Avi K
    Participant

    Rav Tzvi Yehuda Kook encouraged it in order to build their spiritual connection. Of course, all of the halachot, such as yichud, pertain. He himself learned “Orot” with his fiancee, who was Rav Hutner’s sister.

    #1157333
    yungerman123
    Participant

    kallah teacher and chosson teacher must be on the same page and should be in contact regarding certaain things, and certainly should be aware of each others’ hadracha

    chosson and kallah should not learn together before wedding. that said, and for that reason, there is a fantastic kuntres from R’ Daniel Frisch- 2 of them actually, Yom haChuppah l’Chosson and Yom haChuppah l’Kallah which it is nice and short for each to go through on their own

    #1157334
    Joseph
    Participant

    That was a different Rabbi Hutner, not the famous Rosh Yeshiva.

    #1157335
    tiawd
    Participant

    Popa: It depends when b’sofah is. If it’s only after they’re married, that would be better. Although, if they’re k’oyvim now, it might prevent the chasunah from actually taking place.

    #1157336
    writersoul
    Member

    I know a very frum MO couple who made two siyumim at their wedding- on a mussar sefer and on a masechta. Definitely not what “the olam is noheg” (though maybe their olam) but they’d recommend the general idea of learning together as bonding (they started learning together once they realized the relationship was getting serious).

    #1157337
    Avi K
    Participant

    Wrong again, Joseph. Unless there was another famous rosh yeshiva. Rav Tzvi Yehuda Kook married Chava Leah Hutner , the sister of Rav Yitzchak Hutner. BTW, Rva Hutner wasa talmid of the elder Rav Kook and also had cordial relations wiht Rav Soloveichik and the Lubavitcher rebbe. He also encouraged his talmidim to earn academic degrees. Among them were Rav Aharon Soloveichik (doctorate in Law) and Rav Prof. Israel Kirzner (doctorate in Economics). The latter is both a talmid muvchak of Rav Hutner and the chief student of Ludwig von Mises (who interestingly was an anti-religious Jew and was even buried in a non-denominational cemetery).

    #1157338
    Joseph
    Participant

    Avi: Chava Leah Kook’s father was Rav Yehuda Leib Hutner. Her brother was Rabbi Yehoshua Hutner, director of the Talmudic Encyclopedia started by Rabbi Meir Bar-Ilan. Her father had a brother named Rav Yitzchok Hutner who passed away in 1880, but the family was only distantly related to the famous Rav Yitzchok Hutner, Rosh Yeshiva of Chaim Berlin.

    #1157340

    Could lead to dancing.

    #1157341
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Whether she was his sister or some distant cousin, it is irrelevant. The bottom line is that whoever he was, he wasnt her father and likely had little say in what she did or didnt do.

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