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Why do people do it? I know of two people in shidduchim that are unrealistic in what they are looking for in a spouse
1) a guy (in the 40 year old range) who isn’t yeshivish doesn’t want to date a girl that has social media, hello! No girl that isn’t ultra yeshivish wouldn’t have it! (I know! Three negatives in one sentence!)
2) a girl who is yeshivish (also in her high thirties) wants to marry a learner. Anyone that is a shtark learner would have already gotten married (or if not must have other “problems”) who does she think she is going to marry?Could be they’re both afraid of getting married.
Idea: make a shidduch between guy in #1 with girl in #2.
In my opinion much as these people want to get married they would still prefer to be single over marrying someone who they do not believe to be ideal for them. Deep down they know they are being unrealistic and have limited chances of getting married with these stipulations. They would still prefer that over someone who isn’t their ideal
This does sound like a good shidduch. It is not late for him to start learning and for her to get off social media. Let her use CR instead. Show them this thread.
I think the guy in number one is entitled to keep looking. There are people who stay off social media for practical reasons. Just that he can’t expect to find her through social media! He has to go looking for this cyber-shy girl.
And the girl in her high thirties who wants a ‘shtark learner’ is out to lunch. just like most of the young girls who claim to want strong learning boys. Almost every boy is out of learning at that age. The only ones who stay that long are both very committed and have had good mazal with their social life, family life, and finances.
Girls have no idea what a learner is.
Being registered in a yeshiva doesn’t make a learner.
Being a regular in Bais Medrash does.
Dear Coffee,
Why would not being yeshivish mean that he is not a learner?
Or the reverse.
Dear Coffee,
1) My point is that the learner she wanted is probably a learner who also works at this point in his life.
2) I don’t see that the real learners are the more yeshivish type. They are too busy just learning. If the guy isn’t a learner than he isn’t. but it’s not necessarily because he isn’t yeshivish.
A unicorn is a startup worth a billion dollars. You need to invest early to get on the ground floor of one of those.
Oh, this is a shidduch thread, sorry.Dear Coffee,
1) That is why she is out to lunch. Staying in learning forever is a reflection of circumstance. Nothing else. She doesn’t need a shidduch. She is already married to that circumstance – waiting for her learning husband to come.
2) I reread all our posts. My mistake. I apologize.
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