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A GIANT part of me wants to tell anyone to NOT match me with anyone who smokes anythint5.
Another VOICE inside me says, “…But your cousin’s husband is so wonderful and he smokes. What if your cousin never married him because he smoked? She doesn’t like it either, but she loves him. He’s the father to her children and their children thank G-d don’t smoke.”
Then ANOTHER voice says, “Yes, but they are from an older Israeli generation where smoking was much more common. You live in America. You do not want smoking in your space in any respect. You want someone who is healthy, and will keep healthy.”
Next VOICE says, “Just tell the shadchanit now, before she matches you with a ton of guys who smoke and do who knows what else!”
“…but who am I? Maybe then I will have no matches whatsoever!”
“BETTER to have none right now then a list of the wrong guys.”
“MAYBE I just need to chill and hope that Hashem will make sure her list is suitable. Or at least give the shadchanit a chance to do her job. Maybe she won’t pair me up with guys who smoke, or are obsessed with football G-d forbid…
“…What if you meet a wonderful man who likes football? It happened to someone you know.”
….Maybe it’s rude to tell her what you don’t want now. She barely knows you.
Please tell me that my concerns are normal?
Your concerns are normal for someone with many unknowns and based on her questions last night (private but relevant as to why I might be paired with men who might smoke).
…. thank you ☺
Sounds familiar…
Any other inner voices that you want to share?
“MAYBE I just need to chill ”
Yes, you do. Worrying about braces, smokers…
As an aside, my rebbes & teachers smoked IN the classroom, before it became verboten.
Nowadays, the PC police call you evil if you smoke at all.
Anyway, most people don’t get exactly the partner they conjured up in their heads.
My friend’s son didn’t want a redhead, wanted a tv in the house, didn’t want a tall girl, didn’t want a chubby one, didn’t want a Hungarian.
Well, guess what? ……..
So yeah, just chill… When the bells rings for you, you guyz’ll just break the plate.
Say buddy…. You got an extra cigarette??… Forgot to say… Yes, he got everything he didn’t want… I mean EVERYTHING… Somebody UP THERE be laughing….
My daughter married an Israeli who smoked, as almost everybody in his yeshiva did. Ironically, both of his grandfathers died of smoking-related disease. She wasn’t happy about his smoking, but saw his redeeming qualities. He quit when she was pregnant. Now he says he can’t stand it when people smoke.
Smoking is a health issue. It’s different than not wanting to marry a redhead.
Which I find extremely offensive.Joseph – a little gentle pls.
Lightbrite – Smoking has different levels. If a boy is a chain smoker then run a mile. If he smokes on a night out with friends that’s a different story.
“Maybe she won’t pair me up with guys who smoke, or are obsessed with football G-d forbid…”
Why are football and smoking being degraded together?
Am I the only one who finds that very wrong?
I believe football is actually encouraged on high. Especially real teams without cheerleaders like the Giants and Steelers. Big z’chus they have. (Apparently not enough for the Giants to win a game but that’s for a different thread).
If you’re not sure whether something is a deal breaker, don’t let it be until you’ve met someone, unless you have to choose out of a large number of prospective shidduchim and need a way to narrow it down.
C’mon, David. Where’s your sense of humor?
ex_236:
Some rabanim posek that smoking is assur.
Some of the same poskim posek that sports are assur.So there you go.
Joseph. Got you. Just figured you were too stop on.
I do not support any professional sports altogether.
The connection between football and smoking is that i don’t mind the football but i mind the smoking big time.
you should tell the shadchan not to pair you up with a smoker, there are many good guys who don’t smoke-so they have another plus that they care for their health.
Don’t hesitate to say no to a smoker and tell shadchanim that you do not want to be set up with smokers. When my daughter’s husband was suggested for her, I forgot to mention this very important issue to the shadchan. Suddenly, after we had already invested more than a week looking into his qualities, and the other side had already said okay, my daughter reminded me that I needed to find this out. I immediately called the shadchan and asked her, at which point she called the other side and was told, B”H, that no, he does not smoke, a very unusual case in his yeshiva. So obviously, since they’re already married (and have 2 beautiful children) the shidduch went forward, but we would have had no hesitation to stop it had we found out that he smoked. It is a habit that can come back to a person and even for the person above who said that they know of someone who now no longer likes it when others smoke since he quit when his wife got pregnant, he can very easily start again if triggers in his life arise, stress being one of them. I hope that he does not, but it is much easier if a person never starts.
BTW, don’t overguess HKB”H. He knows what is good for you. Have your priorities right and some patience and the right one will come your way. Just daaven for the clarity to see that it is him through all the mist that exists in our times. Hatzlacha!!!
So would you say that a smoker, even if he quits, does not deserve happiness?
Some of the same poskim posken that sports are assur.
(Not to play, I’m sure.) Which poskim would that be?
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