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Which, if any, is the Jewish way?
Beshow vs. Shidduch setup is the only debate as to which is the Jewish way.
Jewish way would probably be dating because courting are for the Christians.
Shidduch is a form of dating.
What is the definition of “courting” and what is the difference between courting and dating?
Personally, to me “courting” sounds like the guy is trying to seduce the girl into marrying him. Dating is something the boy and girl do together; I think that courting is something the guy does to the girl (although maybe I’m wrong about that, but I think that is how I have usually heard the term used).
Joseph, Rav Soloveichik did not meet his wife either way. I know another rav who met his in Bnei Akiva (as did Rav Kahane). Rav Aviner and Rav Zalman Melamed have also endorsed Internet sites.
The only Jewish way is:
1) To have the boy’s mother meet the girl at least 5 times in different settings.
2) For the girl’s father to farher the boy for at least 2 hours before the boy ever sees the girl at all.
3) The boy and girl then have a conversation with a large, thick curtain between them, with adult supervision. This conversation can last no longer than 20 minutes.
4) Mazel tov. The parents all sing and dance together, leaving the boy and girl awkwardly sitting on opposite sides of the curtain to think about how they ever got into this situation. But no worries, they’ll be able to see each other again at their wedding.I’ll post this pretending you are being funny and not condescending – 29
I think the OP is trying to make a differnce between a Shidduch date where the parents set them up, they go out a few times and get engagaged vs a couple who finds each other on Jdate or a Singles event and dates for 6 months
29, if you can’t laugh at yourself every now and then, you’re not really living.
So true, and I definitely take that advice. I just have to be careful here at work when we can’t see who is laughing at themselves and who is laughing at others.
🙂
The problem is that there are probably a lot of people in cyberspace who wouldn’t realize that’s a joke and seriously think that’s how (ultra) Orthodox Jews date. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there with crazy ideas about (ultra) Orthodox Jews who would take that seriously.
That doesn’t mean it’s a problem to make jokes as long as it’s clear it’s a joke. So if anyone out there in cyberspace seriously thinks that’s how we date, I am here to tell you that it’s a joke.
Lilmod, that’s a dangerous generalization to make. All jokes have some element of truth to them. That’s what makes them funny.
A certain bachur was very nervous about the test for a shidduch with the rosh yeshiva’s daughter. His friends told to just let the father talk and then say “Maybe it’s the opposite”. When the father set forth his sheeta the boy said “Maybe it’s the opposite”,. The father said “Maybe” and then set forth an opposite sheeta. He later told his daughter that the boy was an illui.
“Lilmod, that’s a dangerous generalization to make”
Huh? Where did I make a generalization?
Inshidduchim’s serial story is the jewish way
Courtship is the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. -Wikipedia
So we do a courtship? Why do we call it dating and not “courting” ?
I think courtship is the word they used in the older days and dating is the contemporary word.
Semantics. It’s all semantics. So much of what we fight about in here is really all semantics.
In some cases, semantics matter. In this case, it doesn’t. Which in a way is good because it makes for a more peaceable argument since it doesn’t matter anyhow.
In the modern world the definition of dating is meeting someone for the purpose of a casual relationship and the definition of courting is for marriage.
We that live in the orthodox world are blissfully unaware of the definition of dating.The ideal system, of course, is that the boy’s father sends his servant to a well, and waits for a girl who shows up and offers to draw water for the servant’s camels.
Or to work seven years for your father in law to get your first wife and then another seven for your second wife.
מעשה אבות סימן לבנים
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