cousins marrying each other
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- This topic has 43 replies, 23 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 3 months ago by charliehall.
February 20, 2011 5:19 am at 5:19 am #595162
isnt it weird??February 20, 2011 5:21 am at 5:21 am #742622
if it’s bashert? no. then it’s not at all.February 20, 2011 5:22 am at 5:22 am #742623
We’re all cousins if you go back far enough.
The WolfFebruary 20, 2011 5:22 am at 5:22 am #742624real-briskerMember
So?February 20, 2011 5:30 am at 5:30 am #742626
wolf wow you are so smart that was a really funny post
I KNOW WE ARE ALL COUSINS IF YOU GO BACK 5000 YEARS.
im talking abt cousins in the year 2011February 20, 2011 5:32 am at 5:32 am #742627
im talking abt cousins in the year 2011
In the year 2011, I am cousins with just about everyone on earth.
The WolfFebruary 20, 2011 5:34 am at 5:34 am #742628
why not?February 20, 2011 5:34 am at 5:34 am #742629
Nonetheless, if it’s halachically permitted and legal in the jurisdiction where the couple live, why is it any business of yours? If you think it’s weird, don’t marry a cousin.
The WolfFebruary 20, 2011 5:35 am at 5:35 am #742630aries2756Participant
Medically it is not recommended.February 20, 2011 5:36 am at 5:36 am #742631commonsenseParticipant
not necessarily weird because not all cousins know each other well, but not very smart because of inter breeding.February 20, 2011 5:38 am at 5:38 am #742632
Why is it weird? Judaism has always permitted first cousins to marry. So do most western nations (but not most US states).February 20, 2011 5:40 am at 5:40 am #742633
Medically it is not recommended.
i agree.February 20, 2011 5:45 am at 5:45 am #742634
So you go have your marriage ceremony in a state that allows it. We never allow secular law to interfere with who we marry. Especially since it is so easy to get around.February 20, 2011 5:49 am at 5:49 am #742635farrockgrandmaParticipant
There are some in my own family (older generation) who married first cousins. There have also been times in the past, such as communities of conversos (hidden Jews) where cousins married to stay Jewish. What’s wrong with it?February 20, 2011 5:54 am at 5:54 am #742636
wolfish i am talkin primarily abt first cousins
second thirs and fourth are also a topic of discussion
405 COUSINS OBVIOUSLY ARENT PROBLEMS BECAUSE IF THEY WERE NOBODY WOULD BE ABLE TO ET MARRIED
If you think it’s weird, don’t marry a cousin.
WHAT A CONVERSATION KILLERFebruary 20, 2011 6:01 am at 6:01 am #742637
It is not assur, and it is only contraindicated medically if there is a negative family history in the genes that could get passed on. I personally do not recommend it, but don’t chassidic “royals” do this often?February 20, 2011 6:50 am at 6:50 am #742638
My cousin married his neice. Now THAT was weird!February 20, 2011 7:02 am at 7:02 am #742639
smartcookie: How old were they?February 20, 2011 7:07 am at 7:07 am #742640JamParticipant
Its a mitzvah for a man to marry his neice.February 20, 2011 7:11 am at 7:11 am #742641
Tums- about 19. It was very interesting.
The Wedding consisted of only one side! One family of Mechatunim! The kallah grew up with her new family and didn’t have to get to know them!
I personally cannot understand wht happens if such a marriage doesn’t work out Chas Vsholom.February 20, 2011 7:18 am at 7:18 am #742642
smartcookie: You never start or base a marriage on what if it doesn’t work out.February 20, 2011 7:20 am at 7:20 am #742643
Tums- nobody based oe started the marriage with those thoughts. It’s just my own thoughts I shared with you! Anyway, If you marry someone THAT close, you gotta think all around it. Of course we only try to stay with positive thoughts (and Tefillos!)February 20, 2011 7:24 am at 7:24 am #742644HealthParticipant
OOmis -“I personally do not recommend it, but don’t chassidic “royals” do this often?”
Yes they do and sometimes they don’t have normal children, but not always. The Rebbish families only like their own Yichus.February 20, 2011 7:24 am at 7:24 am #742645
Not only chassideshe “royals” but all royals inter-bred (look at english royal history specifically)
Uncles marrying nieces, as strange as it may seem is/was actually encouraged by the mishna and halacha (bas gilo)
Medically speaking, as was pointed out, if nothing shows up to be a problem then why not? True you may be narrowing the gene pool so it wouldn’t be recommended for everyone to be running around rampant marrying their first cousins but I don’t see it as an issue
On the other hand if it is a cousin one knows so yeah it may seem awkward (someone tried setting me up with a second cousin of mine and well let us just say that I am happy she never heard about it (when I was in high school I used to be by their house almost all the time)
😀 Zuberman! 😀February 20, 2011 7:29 am at 7:29 am #742646
Go for it yossi. She may be your bashert!February 20, 2011 8:13 am at 8:13 am #742647
Yeeah .. I don’t know about that. Nothing against her or anything, I just don’t know if it would be a good match (I am a working boy (which I don’t know if that would be an issue or not and I would feel uncomfortable bringing up even as a theoretical case what she/her parents think of working boys) and there is too much I don’t know-gee I seem to be getting set up by people who set up by personality and not enough info-yeah its happened before) and if she knew that the shidduch was suggested, well it would make things on the awkward side whenever we saw each other (baruch Hashem there have been many happy occasions at which we bump into each other)
Unless you have suggestion(s) as to other ways of going about things? Not that I would bedavka want to look into it as a shidduch, I just would have no issue if you had a (better) idea of how to do things
😀 Zuberman! 😀February 20, 2011 8:14 am at 8:14 am #742648popcornMember
I know of at least 4 married couples in my community that are
first cousins….and if I think long enough I’m sure I can come up with more. Also, many Chassidic Rebbe families married
first cousins, nieces, nephews etc.February 20, 2011 8:24 am at 8:24 am #742649OfcourseMember
I happen to know of Chassidic first cousins who got married and got divorced very quickly. It happened within the last few years. Must be terrible for the parents.February 20, 2011 10:50 am at 10:50 am #742650PosterMember
Bobover rebbe’s son married his first cousin. You have to understand that by the chassidim there is no chit chat boys and girls even cousins. So it’s not so wierd. They dont know eachother. It’s not like cousins get together for chanukah parties and have male and female shmoozes. ALL simchas and get togethers have mechitzas.February 20, 2011 2:36 pm at 2:36 pm #742651hudiParticipant
I don’t think this was so unheard of in sepharadi countries…it was halachically acceptable, and they were never told anything was wrong with it. They also didn’t know anything about the genetic dangers of inbreeding.February 20, 2011 2:41 pm at 2:41 pm #742652600 Kilo BearMember
Now with Dor Yeshorim it is safer and I think it is really because of American culture that it seems unusual. Still, more than once every couple of generations is looking for problems that won’t necessarily show up on DY.
Lehavdil, Saddam Hussein YMS was born to a very inbred family, and he married a cousin. His sons YMS made him look like a tzaddik.February 20, 2011 3:08 pm at 3:08 pm #742653
We forget that just as inbreeding can produce “damaged” children, it can likewise produce outstandingly brilliant, artisitic, talented children. the question is which genes are being selectively bred. If you have, i.e., two children from a family who each carry recessive genes for hemophilia, the chances are very strong that they will produce children WITH hemophelia (50% chance each pregnancy, 25% chance of the child being a carrier, and 25% chance of no defective gene being found). Genetic counseling would be strongly in order here.February 20, 2011 3:33 pm at 3:33 pm #742654whatelseisleftMember
My Cousin and i made a deal that we aren’t ever getting married when we were younger.
it was actually quite funny.February 20, 2011 3:50 pm at 3:50 pm #742655
My Cousin and i made a deal that we aren’t ever getting married when we were younger.
Why would either of you want to never get married?February 20, 2011 3:51 pm at 3:51 pm #742656
“We never allow secular law to interfere with who we marry.”
Yes, we do!
We don’t allow two 13 year olds to marry in the US.
Nor do we allow an uncle and niece to marry in New York.
Both of those are illegal. And the person who performs such a wedding ceremony can be prosecuted and imprisoned. Furthermore, the 13 year olds can be prosecuted for rape.February 20, 2011 6:13 pm at 6:13 pm #742657emanParticipant
I just redd a shiduch between 2 24 year old 3rd cousins which was rejected for that reason.February 20, 2011 6:43 pm at 6:43 pm #742658
3rd cousins? First cousins I could hear, second cousins ok but third cousins? Isn’t that a bit far removed?
😀 Zuberman! 😀February 20, 2011 9:32 pm at 9:32 pm #742659whatelseisleftMember
to each other.
coulda sworn that was in thereFebruary 20, 2011 11:54 pm at 11:54 pm #742660
THIRD cousins are considered quite distant in the gene pool. I once very much wanted to someday marry my mother’s first cousin’s son (making him my second cousin). I was too young then to even be considering marriage, and he was aabout four years older than I and definitely ready to be seriously looking for a shidduch.
He got married three years later (he lived in E”Y and we faithfully corresponded during that time, but he really was ready to be married, and I was not). He DID consider the possibiity, but his mother O”H, whom I loved dearly and who loved me, felt it would not be wise, because there were children in the family who were not well, and who were the result of a marriage betwen distant cousins. So we went our separate ways, he married a wonderful woman, I and married a wonderful man, and I fondly remember those years.February 21, 2011 3:52 am at 3:52 am #742661
My husband and I happen to be third cousins. Whichever professional we asked about any medical issues involved said, third cousins? No problem!February 21, 2011 3:54 am at 3:54 am #742662popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Didn’t Yehuda marry Dina?
Well, they were siblings. That is much closer than cousins.February 21, 2011 4:20 am at 4:20 am #742663MDGParticipant
Shimon and Dina, I think. According to the Midrash, Shaul ben haCanaanit came from that union, so did Osnat, Yosef’s wife. Shaul became Zimri (Parashiot Balak and Pinhus).February 21, 2011 4:22 am at 4:22 am #742664popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Yes you are right.February 21, 2011 4:34 am at 4:34 am #742665
“they were siblings. That is much closer than cousins. “
Marriage of full siblings is prohibited even for non-Jews.
The gemara in Sanhedrin proves from the case of Avraham and Sarah that marriage of paternal half-siblings is permitted for non-Jews.
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