CR Relationship

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  • #600378
    2scents
    Participant

    This is directed towards that in their real life they don’t have any personal relationship with someone from the opposite gender.

    Do you think that it’s Ok to have a relationship with someone from the opposite gender only because you don’t see that person?

    After all you are exchanging ideas, arguing and cracking jokes here.

    What’s your thought?

    #1179959
    John Doe
    Member

    My thoughts are that if anyone believes anyone on an Internet forum who claims that they are a male or a female is complete idiot.

    For the record, I am a male horse.

    I lied.

    I’m a female turtle.

    Get my drift?

    #1179960
    yitayningwut
    Participant

    That’s stupid. I don’t believe you’re a horse or a turtle.

    #1179961
    midwesterner
    Participant

    If you can call anything in the coffeeroom a relationship, then you can believe that John Doe is a turtle.

    #1179963
    2scents
    Participant

    I have seen posters get hooked onto each other, not that I think this relationship can get you anywhere. However is this appropriate?

    Should a bachur start discussing things with a female teenager he doesn’t know??

    #1179964
    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    Joseph has started this discussion many times in the past. Please search for the other threads.

    #1179965
    Toi
    Participant

    i find meaning and fulfillment here.

    HA!!!!

    #1179966
    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    And in case anyone is wondering, I am a 20 year old female slug. Jothar is a 42 year old male Angora Rabbit. And popa-bar-abba is a 98 year old gum ball.

    #1179967
    Imaofthree
    Participant

    I kind of see your point, but in the coffee room there is no way you can get in touch with the other person and there are no pics. It’s not like facebook.

    On the other hand I would not like it if “Abbaofthree” would be communicating with other women even in the coffee room.

    #1179968
    supergirl613
    Member

    What about me? Who am I?

    #1179969
    ✡onegoal™
    Participant

    42- I think you should be banned 4 revealing so much info. Maybe popa didn’t want people to know that hes related to gumball. Shame on you! Oh by the way I’m a 347 million year old male triceratops.

    #1179970
    YW Moderator-72
    Participant

    what if…

    a person has 2 screen names 1 with a male persona and 1 with a female persona. can s/he have a conversation in the CR between the two screen names? would it be maris ayin if IRL someone new the person behind 1 of the screen names and not that s/he was behind both names?

    #1179971
    ZeesKite
    Participant

    72, Ever heard .. He is a she, a dog is a fish…

    #1179972
    2scents
    Participant

    Imaofthree, you almost got my point, not entirely.

    my concern was not that someone will get in touch with someone else as a result of the CR. only that people will have regular conversations with the opposite gender, something that this same person would not have done in real life, as you pointed out you would not want Abbaofthree comunicating in with other women in the CR (and here i am communicating with you..!)

    #1179973
    Sam2
    Participant

    Even if you assume that talking is included in the Issur Kurvah L’arayos, there is no Kurvah in the CR. In fact, the CR is probably inherently not Derech Chibah. It might make you uncomfortable, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with it.

    #1179974
    am yisrael chai
    Participant
    #1179975
    i am here
    Member

    If you think that it is a problem then this is not the place for you!!!!!!!!!!

    #1179976
    soliek
    Member

    “Even if you assume that talking is included in the Issur Kurvah L’arayos, there is no Kurvah in the CR. In fact, the CR is probably inherently not Derech Chibah. It might make you uncomfortable, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with it.”

    theres a chapter or two in my book with your name on it…that is so not true its not even funny

    #1179979
    Sam2
    Participant

    Soliek: Explain please. What did I say that’s not true?

    #1179980
    2scents
    Participant

    Sam2, as I pointed out, this is directed towards individuals who would refrain from having ANY personal relationship with someone from the opposite gender.

    this is not about Halacha, only about opinion, if that same person feels that it is OK to have a relationship here.

    i am here, thanks for the advice, however your statement does not contribute any substance to this thread.

    #1179981
    soliek
    Member

    well on the face of it nothing…but i dont think people understand the dynamics of online relationships and how they develop

    #1179982
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    Soliek – I totally agree

    #1179983
    bpt
    Participant

    I am a male horse.

    I’m a female turtle.

    Now, I’m totally confused, as from your screen name, I have no idea what you are.

    Who ever heard of a female named John?

    #1179984
    Sam2
    Participant

    2scents: If it’s Halachically acceptable then who is anyone to say it’s wrong? Say you’re uncomfortable with it, fine. But to say it’s Halachically fine but still wrong to do? There’s something very wrong with that mindset. It has to be about Halacha and then personal preference. Calling something Halachically fine but still not OK is just wrong.

    #1179985
    Jothar
    Member

    Sam2, the mesilas yesharim talks about excess conversations with women in shaar haprishus, He makes it clear that it may be technically mutar but it’s wrong. The mishna of al tarbeh sicha im isha is in avos, not seder nashim. The Rav ZT”L said similarly when someone asked him about women dancing on simchas torah- there’s nothing halachically wrong but it’s wrong anyway.

    #1179986
    Sam2
    Participant

    That’s an Eitzah Tovah that Chazal gave us which takes on the level of a quasi-Halacha. I don’t think that applies at all in an anonymous internet chat room. You can disagree with that part if you want. But I don’t think you can agree with that part and then say that it should be avoided anyway.

    #1179987
    2scents
    Participant

    I never said that it is wrong or not.

    this was not the point of this thread.

    rather I was referring to people (from the context of some posts it is clear that some of those people do post here regularly) who would refrain from having ANY PERSONAL relation ship with someone from the opposite gender. If they think that it is OK to chat joke around and debate with someone in the CR even if they are clearly not the same gender.

    If personal relationship with someone from the opposite gender is permitted or not, this is something that i did not want to touch.

    #1179988
    BTGuy
    Participant

    Hi 2cents, I am speculating here, but if you are having an online relationship with someone of the opposite gender ‘because’ you don’t see that person, eventually you will; or try to. If you like each other, can you label your interaction as dating (since you said you are available)? Otherwise, you may be getting into something down the road which will be less than an ideal relationship.

    A great Rosh Yehshiva of a high school once gave the following moshal, although not in these exact words:

    “If we go ahead and do what we want, if it is not the Torah way (and I am not saying this is not the Torah way), then we go ahead doing something we like and it seems sweet; but it will eventually become like thorns to us. If we want to do something, and hold back because it is not the Torah way, what seems like thorns to us at first, because we are holding back what we want to do, will end up yielding something sweet in the long run.”

    #1179989
    2scents
    Participant

    BTguy, I was not referring to the Halacha part of this.

    since that is an entirely different subject.

    I was referring to people which would refrain from having any relationship with anyone from the opposite gender, even if it would lead to no where. since they think that it is not appropiate.

    if they have a problem chatting, debating and discussing things online even if they know (via the username or teh poster reveals it) that the poster is from the opposite gender.

    #1179990
    yitayningwut
    Participant

    I agree with the OP.

    If someone would normally refrain from conversing with the opposite gender, here should be no different.

    I may not know that someone is indeed what they claim to be, but the fact remains that for whatever reason, rational or not, I assume that the posters are generally not lying about these details. And I do not believe I am the only one. That is why I think the (rhetorical) point that a poster might be a turtle or a horse is stupid.

    The fact remains that I believe that to a certain extent I “know” some posters here. I might be fooling myself, but that’s how I feel. And do not tell me no one else has this feeling.

    Someone who, on principle, normally refrains from talking to someone of the opposite gender has an inhibition. “Knowing” a person of the opposite gender, even via this medium, lowers that inhibition a little bit. It is a violation of such a person’s principles.

    #1179991
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    I agree with 2scents and yitay. It makes me very uncomfortable when posters who are obviously male or female address each other specifically with compliments, cute remarks, smileys or other things they wouldn’t say to someone of the opposite gender when in person. Sometimes I find it creepy, but usually it makes me very uncomfortable.

    #1179992
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    I agree with 2scents, yitay and Syag. It occurred to me at a certain point that I shouldn’t have told anyone my gender, especially since everyone thought I was a boy, so I could have left it at that.

    That being said, everyone has to make their own cheshbonos just like they do in “real life”. The problem is when people have completely different standards (or no standards) for online as opposed to “real life”.

    Personally, smileys don’t bother me (depending on the context, although I could see why some might not like it), but I don’t like ;)’s. That’s just my personal opinion.

    #1179993
    Person1
    Member

    The thing is, in real life I would rarely if ever find myself having a conversation with a woman that isn’t my immediate relative.

    But since here I do have conversations and discussions with the opposite gender (and let’s assume it’s legitemate for a moment) I can’t act all cold. I carry my conversations the way I do in real life: with a smile. If I think I’ve offended someone, I apologize. If someone wrote a really thoughtful post – I try to acknowladge that. I can either talk with someone in a natural way , or I can not talk to them at all. I suppose it’s easier for people who are very matter of fact in all their conversations. I’m not like that.

    #1179994
    Sparkly
    Member

    lilmod ulelamaid – me too. NO ONE needed to know if i was a girl or guy.

    #1179995
    Meno
    Participant

    Sparkly,

    I actually still can’t tell if you’re a guy or a girl…

    #1179996
    Sparkly
    Member

    Meno – good lets keep it like that.

    #1179997
    apushatayid
    Participant

    The anonymity of the keyboard.

    #1179998
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Person1 – as far as I recall, you’ve always been appropriate.

    Personally, I do talk to members of the opposite gender in real life which is mainly because I am in a different stage of life than many people here. I don’t think that I do anything differently here than I do in real life, and I davka find myself putting in an extra effort here to be careful and make sure that I don’t write anything inappropriate. There have been many times when I starting writing something and changed the way I was writing it for these kinds of reasons.

    I do wish that I knew who was married and who is not. It does me uncomfortable talking to men if I don’t even know if they are married or not.

    #1179999
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Meno, I was going to send a smiley on your last comment, but now I’m scared to.

    #1180000
    writersoul
    Member

    I would ordinarily not think this was a problem. I don’t think that anyone gets into enough of a “relationship” with a particular poster that it would approach problematic territory.

    On the other hand, there are some posters (one in particular) who can get either inappropriate or degrading when they know they’re communicating with women.

    #1180001
    Sparkly
    Member

    its NOT tznius to talk to the other gender.

    #1180002
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Sparkly – ???? You are the one who always says that it’s not a problem!!!

    #1180003
    Joseph
    Participant

    lilmod: How does it make a difference when a female is writing to a male in the CR whether he is or isn’t married?

    #1180005
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    I don’t know – hard to explain – I guess the same way I would be uncomfortable in real life talking to a man if I didn’t know whether or not he’s married.

    #1180006
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    A moderator wrote near the beginning of this thread that this topic has been started before. How would one find those threads?

    #1180007
    Sparkly
    Member

    lilmod ulelamaid – girls and guys ARENT allowed to talk to each other. END of conversation.

    #1180008
    Joseph
    Participant
    #1180009
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Sparkly, so that means that you can’t talk to your Rav anymore. And you can’t go on any more dates or ever talk to any boy or man in any context.

    I don’t know a single person who never talks to members of the opposite gender. Even Rav Chaim Kanievsky Shlita does in certain situations, or at least he did when his wife, zatsal, was alive and pressed him to.

    #1180010
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Thank you Joseph. Regarding the first one, I wasn’t sure what I would put in the search box for this.

    #1180011
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Joseph, someone wrote that you started this topic many times. I couldn’t find that anywhere (but I still can’t figure out how to find things).

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