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I went on a date with a guy that was aparantly very tired or very uninterested in me and kept yawning from begining to end on a FIRST date (every 2 minutes like clockwise). I asked if eerything was ok and he looked @ me werid so i quickly said- oh u must b so tired form work- and he nodded his head in agreement..All i wanted to do was run for the door…how wud one gracefully get out of such a situation?
“You seem so tired…it’s ok with me if you need to get some rest now, I totally understand”
I once went out with a guy who came on the date straight from shlugging kaparos, and lots of fowl at that (he has several kids)…it was so foul..now how would one get gracefully out of that situation?
There is no way out during the date.
Did he show other signs of disinterest (distraction, no eye contact, short responses, etc.) or was it just the yawning that was “off”?
I have asthma, which worsens in the springtime, and one of my prodromal symptoms is excessive yawning/sighing as I work harder to get enough air. Yawning from shortness of breath can also be a symptom of anxiety.
you don’t gracefully get out of the situation.
you act like a mentch, and finish the date. and then tell shadchan, no thank you. 🙂
RedNails- I agree with you that if this is the way he acts on a first date when he had a hard day, what will happen in the future?!?!!? I read an article this morning (not posting the source or link….wont get thru either way) that one guy wanted to test his wife (while they were dating) so he made her really really mad at him and then watched her reaction. That proved whether he liked her or not and if she can deal with life’s stress.
@Clairvoyant: Yes, there is a way of a date. No one (male/female) has to waste their time with someone who is rude. Don’t be nasty, just end early. Say something like: “gee, all your yawning has made me tired”. I would like to go home now”.
@Avram in MD: Avram, I also have asthma and you are right, after a severe bout I do yawn a lot for a couple of days straight. If this was the case, then the this young man should have told the poster what was going on.
@am yisrael chai: I thought I had the worst….guy came straight from work (camp bus driver) without going home, showering and changing his clothing. I remeber there was a black ring of dirt, both on his neck and on his shirt. It was around 90 degrees that day. I most certainly changed what I was wearing from very nice to very casual. But, I have to say you win!!!!
@walton157, “gee, all your yawning has made me tired”. I would like to go home now”
No problem. I just remembered I have another appointment now. I hope you have a Metrocard for the subway.
There are many reasons why people yawn. Being tired is the most common. Lack of attention, being bored, being bombarded with too much information are also reasons why people yawn. The common thread in these are that the person is no longer interested in receiving information.
For example: Two boys start learning B’Chavrusa and suddenly one is constantly yawning. Its not so much that the Gemara is a “sleeping pill” its just that this boy isnt of the mind to sit and learn at the moment.
If your date is yawning every 2 minutes you can talk until youre blue in the face he will not remember a word you say once the date is over. I do not think its rude to say,
“I see you are tired, you mustve had a long day, I think we should cut this date short.”
You will come across as caring and it will prevent hard feelings on all sides.
@Clairvoyant: As matter of fact I do. One thing my mother taught me, don’t allow anyone to waste your time and always, always be independent that if you have to get out of a situation that you do not like you get up and go.
There is also a new concept called a car service. Bring enough money so if you have to call one, you leave.
No one is obligated to finish a date because someone is paying for it.
The women of today are more savvy, educated and wise than our mothers or grandmothers. We know our worth and know exactly how to utilize it.
The women of today are more savvy, educated and wise than our mothers or grandmothers.
In the Jewish community our mothers and grandmothers are wiser than us.
my friend brings PepperSpray…
I pack a pistol.
no “pun” taken?
The women of today are more savvy, educated and wise than our mothers or grandmothers. We know our worth and know exactly how to utilize it.
Sure. The growing numbers of single unmarried & once married prove it! We’re smarter than our mothers! MY MOMMY TAUGHT MY DIFFERENTLY. She’s a lot smarter than cute little me.
I totally agree Zeeskite (and hence the growing number of divorces)
It was nice of you to give him an out saying he must have had a hard day. You could have also suggested that you go somewhere for a cup of coffee. The young man should have apologized and either owned up to being tired and cut the date short, or own up and just laugh at himself about it, apologize for not being good company and do his best to be as attentive as possible. Yes and drink coffee to wake up or take a walk, or both.
I had the same situation. He looked so uninterested right from the beginning, but blamed it on being tired. However, I was lucky since he cut it short. He never really gave me a chance, but I guess it was not bashert. :<(
maybe he was just really really tired. maybe you gotta give it another chance.
the Steipler zt”l FELL ASLEEP(!) the first time he met his wife and they were happily married
goody, do you have a Mekor for that
maybe he was just nervous and tired not disinterested. After all you are meeting someone who you are going to potentially marry and talking to girls is not something yeshiva guys do (or should do) all that often. Nobody is disinterested and wants to go out again. On my first shidduch I seemed disinterested but actually was interested but couldn’t think of anything to say because I was too tired from being nervous and not sleeping the night before so it was awkward and boring even though I’m not like that. I say you should go out again- your potential gain outweighs your potential loss.
pepper spray…haha thats a good one. wow yawning is pretty bad, i mean so much for a good first impression…i prob wouldve offered to drive him home as to not let him fall asleep at the wheel…if he didnt get the hint i wouldve hadta call for back up…aka my friends or sister.
goody, true, but he had a very good reason for that – hadn’t slept for days, cuz afraid that seats on train were made from shatnez.
i completely agree with zeeskite.
once you’re on a date, whether male or female, you spend whatever the normal time for a date is and act like a mentch!
i wonder if guy was really disinterested if he wanted to go out again? but either which way, you definitely do NOT have to go out again, but when on a date – unless he is dangerous or truly crude, you do not leave the date. it’s also very rude, to say, oh, i would like to leave, or i forgot that i wanted to go to bed early tonight, etc.
goody613: that’s not quite the whole story.
As I heard it, the Steipler’s future wife had three things which disturbed her when she met him the first time and she discussed them with her brother, the Chazon Ish.
The first was that he couldn’t hear properly, the second that he was not neatly dressed and the third that he fell asleep.
To the first point, the Chazon Ish said ‘the time will come when the whole world will be listening to what he says’, to the second he said ‘that’s the job of his wife, to look after that.
The third thing – that he fell asleep – the Chazon Ish said indeed *wasn’t* acceptable and needed to be investigated. [It was because the Steipler didn’t want to sit on the seats in the train since he thought there might be shatnez and stood the whole night instead of sleeping)
mbachur: Its printed in Hanoch Tellers book “Sunset”. Probably several other places. (He did have a very good reason though, which when his future wife heard it, she changed her mind about calling it off)
i apoligize of behalf of all lousy daters
Heck, forget yawning. I once fell asleep on a date. Fortunately, my wife chose to remain married to me anyway.
The Wolf
Wolf
Did you at least have a valid reason?
Did you at least have a valid reason?
I was tired.
The Wolf
It was because the Steipler didn’t want to sit on the seats in the train since he thought there might be shatnez and stood the whole night instead of sleeping
IIRC, there was still more to the story; the Steipler had a unique schedule, staying awake for a full day, then sleeping for a long time, then staying awake for a full day. Before traveling on the train, he adjusted his schedule, stayed awake even more than usual, figuring to sleep on the train. When the chashash shaatnez kept him from sleeping, he ended up having gone days without sleep.
What about a guy that didn’t shower since the beginning of the 9 days?
Other versions of the story with the Steipler is not that he fell asleep the first time he met the rebbetzin. The Chazon Ish and his brother R’ Meir went to meet the Steipler and the Steipler motioned to them that he just said the brocha of Hamapil and they let him sleep. After he awoke, he explained to them about the train ride.
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