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  • #617407
    emunah18
    Participant

    anyone have good dating topics for a second and third date? i consider myself yeshivish

    we already spoke about bein hazmanim, shabbosim, yeshiva/seminary etc…

    #1145359
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Go bowling.

    #1145360
    Burnt Steak
    Participant

    Get to know each other. Talk about childhood and growing up. Favorite activities, music, food, ect…

    #1145361
    Utah
    Member

    Usually in second dates I try and have fun and see if I get along with the person. I don’t think its a good idea to talk about hashkafa until the third date. I’m more MO tho.

    #1145362
    The Queen
    Participant

    No experience really, maybe talk about your families, and family traditions, like what you do on chol hamoed, how you spent your summers as a kid, and other nice memories of how you grew up. And obviously, listen to his/her memories too.

    You can hear a lot between the lines, if the past was pleasant or bumpy, family dynamics etc.

    #1145363
    emunah18
    Participant

    we wouldnt go bowling on a second date…itll be a lounge again.

    thanks for all the suggestions.

    any other ideas? thanks!

    #1145364
    son
    Member

    figs

    #1145365
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Lounge = what do we talk about. Let me ask random online strangers. Sit there awkwardly across from each other trying to force conversation.

    Bowling (or any other activity) = doing something and creating an environment for conversation and discussion.

    #1145366
    CopyMachine
    Participant

    How about offer a ring? I was engaged by the second time I met my husband… (it was the same day btw…)

    #1145367
    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    So you talked about the non-family topics. Now it’s time for more personal likes/dislikes: Food, Music, the arts. Family, where you’d like to live in the future…etc.

    By mid way through the 3rd date you should be able to discuss whether this should go further and arrange to meet families if you expect to continue

    #1145368
    writersoul
    Member

    Another vote for doing something fun- at the very least, bring a board game, or like my cousin used to do bring a Taboo deck in your pocket for emergencies. Or a crossword puzzle, though if you think there is anything you’re not “supposed to know,” remember not to fill it in. (This has happened to me, but then again I do have a really disturbingly broad pop culture knowledge that I kind of wish I didn’t.) But if you do know something random, it can lead to interesting conversations.

    I vote a museum, personally. It’s formalish enough that nobody’s scandalized about not being in a lounge anymore but also can be a lot of fun.

    Or a nice park, especially this time of year, unless you’ve got my allergies in which case snuggle up in a blanket with tissues and wait til July.

    Interesting conversation was never inspired by a lounge, unless you’re both the people-watching type, in which case I grant it can be very interesting indeed.

    #1145369
    emunah18
    Participant

    lol apushatayid your first line gave me a good laugh.

    thanks for all the suggestions!

    #1145370
    shuli
    Participant

    I’m with Apushuta on this one. Do something fun for the next date. Create a mood.

    #1145371
    takahmamash
    Participant

    IIRC (this was 25+ years ago), I believe our second date was a movie, and our third date was a picnic on a bench at Coney Island.

    #1145372
    apushatayid
    Participant

    If you have to ask what to talk about, a lounge is not for you.

    #1145373
    Joseph
    Participant

    Talk about the Parsha.

    #1145374
    CopyMachine
    Participant

    Talk about … the Coffee Room?

    Ha!

    #1145375
    adocs
    Participant

    are ha’eitz

    #1145376
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Completely disagree with the above. Bowling, and many similar activities, are terrible at stimulating conversation if its already difficult.

    Think about how you bowl. One person sits, and the other bowls. Then the bowler comes back, and if you don’t have anything to say, its easier for the other to go bowl his/her turn instead of staring awkwardly. You go through two games in a half hour, and then what?

    When you go to a lounge, the only choice is to sit and talk, so that’s what you do. If it starts awkward, you talk awkwardly. Talk about the cliche weather if that’s all you have, and then make fun that you’re talking about the weather.

    People like to make fun of yeshivish dating, but it works. We have a way better track record at high proportions of the population getting married quickly and into good marriages. Certainly way better than the critics.

    #1145377
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    How about ping-pong?

    #1145378
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    How about ping-pong?

    Sounds like a great idea if you don’t want to know the other person’s name at the end.

    #1145379
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    In any event, on the second date, you aren’t supposed to go to a lounge. You are supposed to take the tram to Roosevelt Island and go to the starbucks there, and then walk along the east river if the weather isn’t too bad.

    Everybody knows this.

    #1145380
    Bored_on_the_Job
    Participant

    “In any event, on the second date, you aren’t supposed to go to a lounge. You are supposed to take the tram to Roosevelt Island and go to the starbucks there, and then walk along the east river if the weather isn’t too bad.

    Everybody knows this.”

    No wonder most girls dumped me after the second date, I didnt know this.

    I did know first date protocol is Bklyn MArriot, that way even if the date goes bad at least each person will be able to see their friends…

    #1145381
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Why do I need to know her name? If it works out, she’s going to change it anyhow.

    #1145382
    dovrosenbaum
    Participant

    If I were a girl and a guy brought me to Starbucks, I don’t think I’d be impressed. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf is another matter.

    #1145383
    CopyMachine
    Participant

    Back to bowling…

    Am I the only one here that sees a problem with bowling in general?

    I mean, think about it…

    Put together a guy and girl, and send one of them to bend over and throw a ball down a lane… I can only imagine that the other one will be staring at the most prominent body part of the other… In the case of the boy throwing the ball, not so bad…

    But, umm, basic tznuis???!!!

    #1145384
    shuli
    Participant

    I don’t like bowling as a date, like someone else mentioned, it’s generally not so tznius and doesn’t stimulate conversation. You aren’t doing it together.

    I’m thinking nature walks, parks, outdoor rec centers, boardwalk… I once went shooting which was really exciting and started interesting (political?) conversations. Too bad it wasn’t a shidduch date!

    And now that the weather is getting really nice go to state fairs! Hike in (populated) areas, or if you want to stay indoors go do a Mystery Room. That gives you stimulating puzzle to solve and creates a team setting where you both have to DO SOMETHING.

    What about animal shelters? They always love to have volunteers to walk their dogs and give them some attention, go for it!

    Visit a small self-guided museum. I’m thinking of the Ripley’s in Atlantic City. That will give you something to talk about!

    If you have to ask strangers what to speak about on your date, you obviously need a setting which will be able to prompt conversation. Don’t do a lounge

    #1145385
    haman
    Participant

    go visit the mental hospital for the second date

    #1145386
    apushatayid
    Participant

    whatever you do, make sure you are both dressed for the activity. a nature walk in heels is probably not a good idea. a visit to an animal shelter in her finest shabbos clothing, also probably not a good idea. the rec center dressed like she is going to shul on shabbos, not a good idea. I dont know the rules these days, but when I was dating (almost 25 years ago) it was normal (actually, it was expected) for the young man to call the young lady prior to the date and make the arrangements for the date. I heard that isnt done nowadays, so I guess you will have to use a go between to discuss what to do and how to dress.

    #1145387
    MDG
    Participant

    Zoo,

    Billiards (choose a classy place),

    Museum,

    Board game

    You want something that allows for lots of conversation, but yet will give you something to do/look at. That will give you something else to talk about and break some tension.

    ____

    Jospeh said Parasha above. Maybe that or another vort. See how the other person is holding in learning and hashkafa.

    #1145388
    The Queen
    Participant

    My husband and I were at a museum in Israel many years ago, and I watched a couple in the vicinity who were obviously on a date. I felt really bad for them. Awkward!

    Why would people want to date in public? So random people can observe them, and notice how awkward they are???

    If you are comfortable already ok, but first few dates? Spare yourself and go somewhere private, like your sister’s living room.

    #1145389
    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    I always told my sons. Take the date out for a nice dinner in a fine restaurant.

    #1 You’ll find out if she accepts your kashrut standards and avoid arguments later

    #2 You’ll get to see her manners

    #3 Even if the date’s a bust you get to enjoy a fine meal of your choice.

    Of course JAP (prince or princess) rules apply….daddy will pay

    BTW>>>I used this dame dating strategy almost 50 years ago and am very satisfied with the results.

    #1145390
    Joseph
    Participant

    CTL, obviously you must have lower-end kashrus standards if the restaurant he takes the girl to will inform him if it is acceptable to her. If he took her to a restaurant with a higher-end, more universally accepted, kashrus standards obviously it wouldn’t inform him if her kashrus standards are lower.

    #1145391
    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    Joseph……….

    NO, not lower-end, but:

    we are misnagid Litvak on paternal side and Yekkah on Maternal side.

    Eldest son has a fix-up date about 20 years ago and took the young lady to a fleishige restaurant in NYC that was under O-U supervision. She refused to eat the beef because it wasn’t a particular chassidische shiciteh.

    Among the major kosher supervisory organizations we eat O-U. O-K and Star-K without questioning the other hechsherim the product or establishment might have. I don’t consider that lower-end. For example, we don’t hold by Triangle-K, Chaf-K or KVH (even though we are New Englanders) without further information.

    #1145392
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    When you say Chaf-K, do you mean Kof-K? Because I personally am more comfortable with them than the others you mentioned. Cup-K, OTOH, is no good.

    KVH is supposed to have improved, but I’m not so familiar with it.

    #1145393
    flatbusher
    Participant

    If you need to ask what to talk about on a second date, what will you do once you’re married? The point of dating is to get to know the person. Avoid politics but really there is so much two people who don’t know each other other can learn about.

    #1145394
    Joseph
    Participant

    A good dating topic this year is Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders and the election.

    #1145395
    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    DaasYochid……….

    Right about Kof-K, not Chaf….been a long day. I had lots of respect for them 36 years ago when only the father was supervising limited items. Now not so much.

    KVH was the top supervision in New England for Decades under Rabbi Halbfinger, did not require meat to be glatt, supervises the in store bakeries for most New England chains, such a Stop and Shop,Shaw’s. Big Y, etc.

    Problem is that it was originally part of the Synagogue Council of Massachusetts that included non-orthodox (Euro Traditional but no mechitza) synagogues..and some of their pulpit rabbbis did local inspections. Last 10+ years if is part of the Orthodox only Rabbinical Council of New England with much higher standards.

    #1145396
    The Queen
    Participant

    Lawyer, what is a ‘fix-up date?’

    #1145397
    Abba_S
    Participant

    How about going on the ferry (in NYC)it can be interesting out on the deck weather permitting, free and you can have an interesting conversation about future plans such as where you would like to live, how many children and what occupation you plan to go into.

    While going out to eat is enjoyable, many girls are uncomfortable eating on a date either because they are weight conscious or scared they spill something one their new dress. Add to that kashurus problems and that she may orders the most expensive item on the menu, I think you should find a different venue for the date.

    #1145398
    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    Queen,

    When mutual friends of the dating couple (same age) decide that it would be a good idea to fix up Chaim and Sara. Often these friends are room mates or in the same shiur with them.

    Back in my day it was common for girls in the dorm at Stern to fix up a fellow dorm mate with a guy at YU. The contact was usually between siblings or close cousins at the 2 schools, so the boy girl contact wasn’t unusual or improper.

    Sometimes, by the time room mates have spent a couple of years living together, they have a better idea what might make a good match than a shadchan.

    In those days parents didn’t demand resumes and didn’t have 100+ item checklists (demands). My eldest son is already married almost 30 years. My daughter getting married I”H this Sunday met her chusan in Law School. They were the 2 always being seated together at school functions and being served airline meals. After the second semester, a female Jewish professor strongly suggested they consider marriage, that neither one would be happy with a spouse without advanced secular education.

    #1145399
    takahmamash
    Participant

    Mazal tov to CTLAWYER!

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