#Dating a guy who works a behind the counter job

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    #would you?

    I could be wrong, but, being that I am looking for someone intelligent, I feel like this is someone I don’t want..


    I don’t know about working behind the counter, but I definitely wouldn’t date someone who uses hashtags. #justsaying

    That being said, I don’t think it shows a lack of intelligence. Could be he needed the money and took what he can get. Might depend on how long he’s been there for. If it’s been a while then you might wonder why he hasn’t tried to move on to something better.


    Working behind a counter is not a sign of a lack of intelligence


    If you think that it’s demeaning to work behind the counter, you can try to find out why he’s working there…does he eventually want to own the business? Is it a family business and he’s a nice guy who’s helping it get off the ground? Is he working his way through college/trade school? Is he just lazy and wants a job that doesn’t require intelligence? Does he like the company there? Or is he really dumb???


    Employment is a good thing. Not all that easy to come by. Assuming one’s father isn’t setting up the propsective spouse in a business, employment is the next best thing. It turns out that those who are employed tend to stay that way, and those that are unemployed have a problem.

    Letakein Girl

    That’s very judgemental of you, #poster… I’m surprised, because I always thought of you as a logical and kind person.

    ED IT OR


    Men who work behind the counter 9-5 jobs seem to have happier simpler lives.

    They know what they are going to earn and know what time they are going to be home.

    In my line of work I don’t know where I’m going to be when and I hate it. People who work behind the counter in every business are actually the most important staff member and the number 1 defining factor on repeat business. In fact I would go so far as to say someone who has been at it quite a while and is enjoying it is obviously someone who had a good outlook and good at connecting with people.

    A person’s job is definitely not a sign of intelligence or lack thereof, it’s more a sign of drive, confidence, preserverance etc.

    Anyways isn’t going on a date the only way to judge someone’s intelligence?

    ED IT OR



    William Buffett used to work behind the counter.


    Lior probably means Warren Buffett.

    I’d suggest dating them and finding out in person

    how intelligent they are. If you notice that they

    tend to be unintelligent, you can turn down such

    people in the future.


    Albert Einstein worked behind a counter as patent clerk as did and do many really smart people.


    I am a cashier.

    Not everyone is meant to be a lawyer or a business manager or a big macher everyone has to find their place in this world and find a position with which they can provide for themselves and their familym i feel no shame for being a cashier i work hard at it and i am proud about the level of customer service i provide, i know many of my regulars on a first name basis and they are happy when they see i am the cashier on duty.


    There is nothing wrong with working behind the counter. It’s honest work, and it also happens to require a lot of skills.


    I used to have your fears. But then I opened my eyes when I went to the grocery and realized that the guy behind the counter is sharper, smarter, more on the ball, and more witty than me. And I started seeing it more and more, in various low-status professions. So I realized that you really can’t look at the profile- you need to meet the guy or find out about his personality and intelligence before coming to conclusions. It just isn’t fair not to- to yourself as much as to him.


    He [MLK] also said “Life’s most persistent and

    urgent question is ‘What are you doing for others?'”

    Letakein Girl

    Goq, you’re amazing!

    Little Froggie

    $Anything’s better than what I do.


    $Not that intelligent!


    Goq, +1!

    LG, I agree 100000%!



    Many people who actually want to make some money take jobs like that while in school and even if that’s what he wants to do, that doesn’t show any lack of intelligence. If marrying a professional person is what you think will make you happy, then he may or may not be for you. Do you know his plans?

    Also, he may be the perfect person for you. Are you willing to avoid finding that out? Then again, maybe you are not the right person for him.


    Aww shucks thanks LG.


    Personally I think a “behind the counter” person may very well be better for marriage. I know financially it sounds bad, but on the other hand you have a husband. In many professional jobs they have extra late hours, Shabbos they are knocked out tired, nervous or pressured and Sundays to many times they can be busy too.

    FYI, I don’t work so you can’t say I am favoring one side.


    #letakein girl, I’m sorry I dashed your visions of me 🙂

    Thank you everyone especially the Goq, I am very confused about this shidduch, and will try to filter out the negative reponses i received to an innocent question.


    #and why is the question of dating someone from a divorced family a better question which receives less flack?

    Parents divorced is a circumstance a child is put into, A job is a choice in life that reflects a personality and about the person.

    The people on the boat with YOna asked him what was his job and Malbim says because they were trying to figure out what type of person he was, and a job reflects on what he is about.

    I did not mean to offend anyone by the question, I was sincerely looking for answers..


    It was an innocent question but not a thoughtful one. You may have forgotten to consider how many of your audience work behind counters before posting. It may have affected your wording and may be responsible for some of the “negative responses”.

    Just a thought.


    In answer to your second post : divorce is a negative. The question was whether or not that negative affects the child who experiences it negatively. This question implied (stated) that people who work behind counters may not be intelligent. I see quite a difference.


    #true, Thank you for pointing that out, but moving back to the divorce question… I think that is even less thoughtful, because like I said it’s not a choice situation.

    Again, I apologize if I hurt anyone with my post, It’s the last thing I wanted to do, I just wanted to hear different views on such a guy.


    Your welcome hash, i took no offense because i know you are not usually careless with your words.

    Letakein Girl

    I’m sorry if I was too harsh, #. Take it as a compliment! In general when someone gives you mussar, it shows that they think highly of you so that they think you are mature enough to take the critisism. But I do admit I was too harsh with my lashon. Oish, that seems to be happening often on the cr these days! So sorry.


    Working behind a counter is an honest, hard working job. Someone in business, however, may be less than honest. Not necessarily, but it’s something you need to check out for yourself.


    Not a general rule, of course and I know many fine people in the business sector. But middos are an important factor no matter where someone works.

    ED IT OR

    the worst are car salesmen!


    #let’s be careful with what we say…

    I learnt that from mod-29


    British car salesmen?


    notasheep, What happened to mummy bears hibernation?

    #, A behind the counter job could be a highly demanding job, he could be a bank teller for example, might be worth a try.

    ivory, elephant tusk salesmen.


    Not all of them. ..



    “moving back to the divorce question… I think that is even less thoughtful, because like I said it’s not a choice situation.”

    When it comes to marriage, we must deal with people as they are, whether they could have chosen to be different or not.

    (You can try listing the factors that determine who you would or would not consider going out with, and asking yourself if the guy had a choice about them.)

    Patur Aval Assur

    Kiddushin 82a:

    ??? ???? ???? ????? ???? ??? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ????… ??? ?????? ??? ????? ???? ???? ??? ????? ?? ???? ??? ?? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???? ?????? ???????? ?????? ?????? ??? ????? ???? ???? ?????? ???? ????? ??????? ???? ????? ?????? ???? ?????? ??? ???????? ?????? ????? ??????? ????? ?? ????… ??? ???? ?? ?????? ?? ????? ???? ?? ???? ??????? ???????? ???????? ???????? ???????? ??????? ???????? ????? ????? ???????? ??? ??????? ??? ?? ??? ??? ??? ???? ??? ???? ?? ???? ?????? ??? ???? ???? ????????? ??? ???? ???? ????? ????? ???? ???? ?? ???? ????? ??? ????? ????? ????? ??? ????? ??? ???? ???? ?????? ????? ????? ?? ?????? ??? ???? ??? ?????? ???? ??? ?? ???? ????? ???? ??? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ???? ??? ??? ??? ?? ????? ???? ???????? ???? ??? ???? ??? ?? ?????? ?????? ?? ????? ???? ?? ????? ?? ????? ??????? ????? ??? ?? ??? ????? ?? ????? ??????? ????? ?? ???? ????? ??? ??? ???? ?????? ???? ?? ???????? ??? ???? ?? ?? ???????? ??????


    Can we have a translation?


    funny you ask this: I have an extremely intelligent friend, she comes fomr a very chashuv family, married into a very chashuv family – one of the litvish English Rabbanishe famillies, he actually lived in USA the last years of his life. She has a 22yr old son boy who is very intelligent, – all their family are very very smart!! He is a real go getter and very very bright – I really wanted him for my sister (who is now married b”H) but guess what, he works behind a cash register now and he is so happy – doesn’t show anything about intelligence at all – in this case he happens to be a very brilliant people person and however bright he is he couldn’t sit in yeshiva any longer – he does way better now – as goq wrote – being a cashier and offering great customer service – that’s a very skilled job! keeping customers happy can be almost impossible in today’s age when ‘the customer is always right’ (I know this from my online-sales work I do – pure nightmare some buyers). Additionally running/leading your own firm/business is really not as fun as it sounds prestigious – you end up having to be married to your job if you want it to all run smoothly and be successful (I say this from my experience in opening up my own business over the last year – nightmare number 2) so if he’ll have a 9-5 job you’ll be one lucky woman – not having to share your husband’s emotional kochos with his job. As my sister always says – ‘everything’s a package deal’ so look for the good in the package you have and no he is not unintelligent because of his behind-the-counter-job. Meet him if everything else sounds fine and you’ll see if he seems right or not. And always ASK DAAS TORAH – these random opinions from random people are just that – RANDOM. Hatzlacha.


    You will find intelligent people everywhere you look. Obviously not all people are intelligent, but intelligent people do all kinds of things that you might not expect. Working behind the counter is not even a good example of a place where I’d be surprised to find intelligent people.

    If the concern about the behind the counter guy is actually something else, such as not making enough money for you or not having enough prestige, or maybe you worry that he lacks ambition and about the problems that come from that – then say so. By talking about your concern instead of beating around the bush you’ll have a better chance of assessing the situation to see if your worries are justified or not.

    Patur Aval Assur


    R’ Meir says “a man should always teach his son a clean and easy trade”… Abba Gurion the Man of Tzadian in the name of Abba Guria says “a man should not teach his son [to be] a donkey driver, a camel driver, a potter, a sailor, a shepherd, or a shopkeeper, for those trades are trades of robbers.” R’ Yehuda says in his name “most donkey drivers are wicked and most camel drivers are worthy. Most sailors are pious; the best of doctors to Gehenem and the worthiest of butchers is the partner of Amalek”… The Rabbis taught “anyone whose dealings are with women, his character is bad, for example goldsmiths, flax hatchellers, millstone sharpeners, spice peddlers, wool dressers, barbers, launderers, blood-letters, bathing attendants, and tanners. We do not appoint from them, a king or a high priest. What is the reason? Not because they are invalid but because their trades are lowly.” The Rabbis taught “Ten things were said about a bloodletter: 1) he walks on his side 2) his spirit is haughty 3) he leans while sitting 4) he has a grudging eye 5) he has an evil eye 6) he eats a lot 7) he excretes minutely 8) he is suspect in regards to forbidden relations 9) he is suspect in regards to theft 10) he is suspect in regards to spilling blood.”

    Bar Kapara expounded “A man should always teach his son a clean and easy trade.” What is it? R’ Yehuda said “embroidering”.

    It was taught “Rebbe says ‘there is no trade which becomes extinct. Fortunate is he who sees his parents in a superior trade; woe to he who sees his parents in a disgraceful trade. The world cannot exist without perfumers and without tanners. Fortunate is he whose trade is perfuming; woe to he whose trade is tanning.'”


    #I want to thank everyone who tried helping me out with this question. I am not dating him (for other hashkafic reasons), but wish him lots of hatzlacha in life and shidduchim! (notice the separation 🙂 lol!)


    Shallow people are easily spotted no matter what side of the counter they are standing.


    I wanted to finish up some shabbos cooking at around 7 am and realized I was out of some staples.

    I ran to my corner grocery and sure enough a Young worker was at the cashier. Since I have been following this thread, it made me realize that this guy woke up early, had to have been davened by 6:45 when the grocery opens up. That takes a lot of responsibility.


    re Poster:

    “this guy woke up early, had to have been davened by 6:45 when the grocery opens up.”

    I wouldn’t be so sure…


    only date kollel boys:)


    Randomex can you explain that comment?


    the goq – can u explain y this person isnt dating kollel guys only?


    Sorry for the delay, Goq™. I meant that he

    might not have davened before coming to work.


    oh ok if not before then when?

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