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before i begin i am letting you know that i am writing this on behalf of my friend who asked me for advice on this issue now she begins her question:
I am a working mother with Boruch Hashem a few children, my husband works at night as a supermarket night time manager & is home during the day while i am at work. do i need to send my children (who are now 1 & 2 years old & not up to the age of kindergarten/playgroups yet) to a babysitter if my husband is home during the day & off from work?
in Short: when parents are sending their infant children out to a daytime babysitter, as a parent of them are you sending them because 1)you are both working & need to (& if 1 of you were home then you wouldn’t send?) or 2) because you feel they need to go to a babysitter even though they are not even up to school age yet & your husband is home & can take care of them until you come home from work?
TIA
It is better for a 2 year old to go to a babysitter sometimes than always to spend all day at home with the father. Children need to learn to interact with other children their age, and there are probably other kids at the babysitter.
RebYidd23, would you say the same if it was the mom home all day with the 2 year old?
Yes, if they were home all day, but moms get together in groups with all their kids sometimes.
It is better for a 2 year old to go to a babysitter sometimes than always to spend all day at home with the father. Children need to learn to interact with other children their age, and there are probably other kids at the babysitter.
Strongly disagree! So not so. Kids at that age don’t need to get out and learn to interact with friends. And they certainly don’t need to be babysat. There is no better place for a 2 year old than with a parent unless that parent is not safe. People just like to believe that 2 year olds need to get out and be with friends so they can justify leaving them. If a two year old wants to play with a friend, he should do it under your care.
Two year old me disagrees.
Toddlers don’t play with each other. It is called parallel play- they play next to each other at the same time. That is, when they are not fighting over the same toy. They do find other people and other children interesting though, and I think they do benefit from being around other kids- whether it is siblings or kids in the park or arranged play dates. I doubt that a babysitter with several kids to look after and feed and diaper can give a 1-2 yr old the kind of stimulation and attention that a stay-at-home parent can. At that age, sending to a babysitter is done out of necessity, not for the child’s benefit. So the question is really, can the dad take care of the kids all day- will he handle nap time and feedings and entertaining/stimulating the kids? And, if he is working the night shift, when will he sleep?
I’ve seen toddlers play together.
Let’s say someone put two toddlers together from different families and these two toddlers are parallel playing.
Is this still not socialization? They are still interacting and connecting with each other by their very awareness of not being alone, and not being the only person of their size. They may not be able to necessarily think this into words or thoughts, but they will be affected by being with a peer nevertheless.
Have you not sat in the same room with someone doing your own thing – engaging on the computer, reading a book, snacking on food, talking on the phone, or even simply folding laundry – while the other person happens to be independently doing his/her own thing too? And have you never experienced this and nonetheless felt that you too somehow bonded by being in your own worlds together?
I love being in the same room with one of my friends. We can both be working on our computers, with her doing graphic design and with me typing, and it’s like we’re in this own magical creative world. I don’t know how to explain it, but her presence really brings out my best B”H. Why can’t toddlers also connect on a level of being together? They may need it more than adults, or just as much.
Even if toddlers are playing side by side, doing their own thing, they’re still socializing.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve definitely been with someone else in the same room independently working but still benefiting from being next to a peer.
Toddlers may not necessarily appear to care, but they too need that stimulation. They are more aware of their surroundings than it appears, no?
The question was not whether the young toddler (we’re talking about a 1 yr old here also) needs stimulation, but whether he needs to be with a bunch of other toddlers in a play-group type of situation, whether it gives something that a parent cannot provide at home. I would say no. Most parents, when they need to send their very young children out will search for a babysitter situation that most resembles the home/mother setting- a loving babysitter with as few other children as possible, so she can address the child’s needs, or maybe even one who comes to the child’s home. I remember checking out a babysitting situation for my 1.5 yr old- there were 2 women with about 8 toddlers. Lots of stimulation there! They changed diapers assembly line fashion- every kid got changed once each morning, with their little knapsacks lined up on the bed, each kid got changed one after the other whether they needed it or not (didn’t notice any hand-washing in between). I imagine dirty diapers got attention even when not on schedule, but not wet ones.
Interaction is important, stimulation, playing, but you don’t have to be another 1 yr old to provide this for the child, the parent can provide these things and so much more. At some point, as the toddler gets older, he will benefit from “playing” with other kids. Don’t forget there are 2 kids involved here- so they have the built-in playmate and presence in the room that you are talking about, LB.
But in this case, I am not sure that the parent can provide this for the kids. The father is going to get a night’s sleep (6-7h) while the 2 kids nap? The kids must be very well trained to always go down for their naps at the same time for the same amount of time. Nap needs/times for 1 and 2 year olds are usually very different. This would make for a very sleep deprived parent. Would that very tired father hear the kids’ crying while he sleeps? If he is only sleeping while they nap, would he not doze off while he was watching them? I would suggest that they send the kids out in the morning so that he gets full sleep, and then he can watch them in the afternoon.True that WTP! These early formative years could be better spent bonding with one’s parent than being shlepped to a stranger and developing attachment to a nonparent.
Well said!! ☺👪
Jakob, if he gets his full night’s sleep before he is on child-care duty, then great. That’s a huge difference from what you said before that he sleeps during nap time.
If the father is willing and able and and can give the kids what they need, then why not?
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