Dealing with difficult or annoying people: My theory

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    There was someone in my life in the past that used to really get on my nerves. Whether they did it purposely or not they always had the “wrong” thing to say. Either critical or annoying comments. For a long time I couldn’t understand why this guy was acting this way towards me. I had a policy “you don’t have to talk to me, I don’t need you to come over to me, but if you do, please don’t insult me or get on my nerves by criticizing me or getting into my personal business…” well there was specifically one guy who kept getting on my nerves and saying annoying things.

    It got to a point where I got fed up and started ignoring him and acting coldly towards him. There was a palpable feeling of awkwardness between us and he started avoiding me. Then I BH had a brainstorm and realized that this guy “wants very badly” to be close to me and he just doesn’t know what to say. That’s why he was always coming over to me but for whatever reason he always picked the wrong thing to say. Maybe he was nervous…Some people just don’t realize that certain things they say rub others the wrong way.

    I then made up my mind that I would go over to him and explain to him how certain things he was saying was very unappreciated and I have nothing against him and he should please stop and we can be friends.

    Now BH we are close and I really think he’s a great person! Its amazing how someone who you can’t stand can become one of your favorite people!

    I think what I’m trying to say is, if you have someone like this in your life, who keeps coming over and saying “things” you don’t appreciate. Don’t hate them. Go over nicely and explain how you want to be friendly with them but its difficult when they are critical or being rude to you…

    You may discover that some of your least favorite people can be your closest friends waiting to happen!


    WIY: This shouldn’t be in the “Rants” section (you have a bad habit of putting most of your threads there!) It belongs in the Inspiration/Mussar section. Mods?

    not I

    Gevaldig Chiddush!



    Correct. Sorry maybe the Mods can move it.



    sorry about all those things i said to you.



    You said things to me?

    If you did I forgive you but I don’t recall anything.


    I think the best way to get a person to stop arguing/annoying you/always contradicting what you say is to 1) stop arguing back (even if your honor is hurt) 2)try to be extra nice to that person. It works!


    Some people learned at home to relate to their siblings in what most people would think is an over the top, confrontational style. They grew up taking for granted that being direct is not seen as a threat or a challenge, but as normal give and take.


    It does not always work. Some people simply feel “entitled” to say whatever is on their minds. Usually it is unflattering, and often preceeded by the words, “I’ve just got to get this off my chest,” or, “you may not like what I am about to say.” DUHHHH!


    Reading this thread helped me think differently about my son’s annoying behavior today (and often)… to – maybe he’s just needing extra attention…

    So thanks WIY, while I go explore that possibility and what I can do about it…



    You are welcome. Hatzlacha with your chinuch endeavors!


    What DovidM is saying is also at the root of certain behaviors that Yidden have that outsiders can’t stand. We act toward each other in a sort of sibling fashion and some people take it to the outside world, too. This is besides the cultural differences that we have.

    This summer, after what I thought was a friendly chat with a shop owner, I realized that I was annoying him. When this situation repeated itself, I came to the conclusion that I was obviously getting too personal, something that would make sense with another Yid. It never occurred to me before, but I was forced to realize that I am part of a different culture and I still have more to learn about this country’s culture.


    HaLevi; The (possible) reason the store owner was annoyed at you (Besides being boring.) (NE this was a joke. Don’t take it personally.) is, that he is in business to earn money and even the seemingly casual conversation is really to get you in the mood of spending money at the store. When he/she realized that the conversation will not lead anywhere, they got annoyed. I’m speaking of personal experience. I once visited a Sears store when the salesperson struck up a seemingly casual conversation. As a personal habit, out of respect, I will not end a conversation abruptly. After chatting away for about Five Minutes, the sales p. asked me (Rhetorically) “Is this [conversation] going to lead to a sale?!

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