Deep sayings

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  • #613392

    #1029178
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    !

    #1029179

    I know the voices in my head aren’t real….. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

    I’m not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

    The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.

    You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.

    Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die

    You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

    He who laughs last didn’t get it.

    A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

    I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!

    A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.

    It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up

    If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way. ( I know this to be true from personal experience)

    Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it.

    All generalizations are false, including this one

    You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says ‘After 300 feet, stop and let me out!’

    #1029180
    oomis
    Participant

    A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.”

    In my case, that would be cheesecake.

    The second mouse gets the cheese.

    #1029181
    emmet
    Member

    People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care!

    #1029182
    Bookworm120
    Participant

    People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint – it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly… time-y wimey… stuff.

    #1029183
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Tee fifth wheel is the steering wheel.

    #1029184

    Time is relative , when you are playing a game with your kids it moves too quickly, and when your mother in law is visiting it slows to an interminable crawl (ow! sorry I didn’t mean to insult your mother ! what are you doing with that frying pan!! *fade to black …and blue*)

    #1029185
    I. M. Shluffin
    Participant

    Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

    Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.

    It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

    Success comes in cans, failure in cants.

    The difference between an optimist and a pessimist is that an optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

    If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

    Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

    If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!

    Everyone is gifted – but some people never open their package!

    The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle.

    Did you know that opportunities are never lost? That’s because someone will always take the ones you miss!

    The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

    If you cannot help worrying, then worrying cannot help you.

    Any man who knows all the answers most likely misunderstood the questions.

    #1029186
    oyyoyyoy
    Participant

    The late worm doesnt get the bird

    #1029187
    Malbim
    Member

    Eat a whole turkey and you will be cool.

    #1029188
    Bookworm120
    Participant

    Save the Texas prairie chicken!

    #1029189
    Malbim
    Member

    Bookworm120, very funny

    #1029191
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Sometimes I use words I don’t actually understand in effort to make myself appear more photosynthesis.

    #1029192
    Malbim
    Member

    RebYidd23, really.

    #1029193
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    I know what photosynthesis is. It’s a joke.

    #1029196

    Sometimes I use words I don’t actually understand in effort to make myself appear more photosynthesis.

    just use sesquipedalian, that always works

    #1029197
    Malbim
    Member

    To be or not to be, Obamanos.

    #1029198
    Bookworm120
    Participant

    @Malbim – Thank you! 🙂

    #1029199
    Malbim
    Member

    BookWorm120, do not bash me.

    #1029200
    Bookworm120
    Participant

    “One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I’ll never know.” -Groucho Marx

    #1029201

    why aren’t iphone chargers called apple juice?

    #1029202
    yentachaya
    Participant

    @wannabechasidish

    That is so creative!! I love it!

    **But why, pray tell, do you wanna be chasidish???

    #1029203

    Yentachaya- I go to school with chassidishers and like it, the only issue is is that I want my husband to b clean shaven, and I would never shave my head

    #1029204

    Yentachaya- I go to school with chassidishers and like it, the only issue is is that I want my husband to b clean shaven, and I would never shave my head

    #1029205
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Why would you never shave your head? You save on shampoo.

    #1029206

    y do u drive on parkways and park on driveways

Viewing 27 posts - 1 through 27 (of 27 total)
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