Denial of drug/ Alcohol problem

Yossi G. I am new to this blog and I wasn’t here last week. Sufice it to say, that there are many many Charedi communities in America where people are not as stressed as you make one believe. Stress is found where one does not desire to do that which is expected from him by the society. Expensive lifestyles as you call it, don’t exist everywhere, huge tuitions are discounted, not everyone sits in Kollel, Daf Yomi is not regimented. Stop burying YOUR head in the sand and check outside your daled amos… there’s a wonderful world out there, drug/alcohol use is not the answer and it doesn’t change the reality. Stop making excuses.

I don’t mean that Lakewood is not the best place for many people (outside E”Y, of course), but for many others, not. Meshane Makom, Meshane Mazal. Out of town has less financial pressure, as well as pressure to keep up with the latest chumra.

There is NO EXCUSE to get Shikker or do drugs (illegal or perscription). One of my Roshei Yeshiva told a bachur he could not learn gemorah for a week because he needed to calm his nerves. Another told a bachur to take a hike once a week (not during seder). Fun and Mutar are not mutually exclusive.

Yossi you bring up a valid point, but I beg to differ you on one point. Yes there are those who have created extra stress on our communities and been un excepting of those who don’t follow the excepted norm. However, this is only half of the problem. What they have failed to do is bring out being Jewish in a positive and practical way. Many times the message is “do not do this” & “don’t do that” or “If you wear this you are a not complete Jew (or fill in whatever deragatory message appplies here). It gives of a negative, overwelming, hostile feeling and from a kid’s perspective, if he is going to Gehenim for wanting to wear jeans or whatever slight deviation he might want to do, then what hope does he have for the bigger things?

The bottom line is, why isn’t more done to bring out the beauty of Yiddishkeit. Granted we don’t do mitzvohs because they are “fun”, but they were given to us to make us better people. If a father (as well as a mother) can make a shabbos meal enhanced where the family not only enjoys the zemiros and d’vrei torah (or whatever your family might do to enhance the meal) but feel good and positive about it, think how many generations to come will have that love for shabbos passed down to them. When they see that Tznius is a positive thing and not just a long list of what you can’t wear then how many of our daughters won’t need to feel the urge to deviate from what is right? We sometimes get so caught up with the strict adherence of the letter of the law that we forget what kedush those letters bring. Hashem is not a vengeful or angry G-d he is a compassionate and loving father up in heaven who waits patiently for us to get closer.

Thus when religion no longer has meaning. When we follow it not so much because we want to make a connection between Hashem and ourselves or we are so afraid of punishment for every slight misdeed, then what connection are we making to Hashem. And….when we fail to pass on the “meaning” and “beauty” that is within, people look for that “special connection” (Pintle yid) else where. The look for it in drugs, alcohol, adrenaline rush highs, ostentatious lifestyles, or whatever will give them a quick pick me up.

Gavra Rabba: I think you missed Yossi G’s point. It’s not that he was making excuses for these behaviors. Rather he was showing that the way we lead our life styles is more conducive for one to search in the wrong directions.

Gavra at work: I think that we all agree that there is no excuse. However, like I mentioned above when you are searching for meaning, and despite how wonderful Yiddishkeit is supposed to be but you are not feeling it, (and sometimes feel that you are the only one who doesn’t) then it is much easier to look for an escape. Plus for those who have been exposed, a walk in the woods will not substitute the feeling of pleasure one has (as well as inhibitions to say and do what they want) when he’s drunk or high on drugs. Plus when our kids see many grownups indulge in excessive drinking, what message does it give to them?

fardaiget: I agree with you so much! We need to look for every excuse to keep a boy (and girl) in Yeshiva not keep them away. What message are we giving to the boys who are asked to leave? You made a mistake so now we don’t want you any more?

I wish I were a Gavra Raba, but as you know, even the Gemorah is not sure who that is!

To clarify, the bochur was not asked to leave C”V! He stayed in the dorm and learned seder, just with much less stress learning what he chose.

The point is much of the stress mentioned by Yossi G. is a product of being in town, and if young couples moved out of town it could solve many of the problems we discuss/try to find solutions (as someone else mentioned on a different thread).

Suggestion 2: see post on education.