Did any of you ever have a broken engagement?

Home Forums Shidduchim Did any of you ever have a broken engagement?

Viewing 21 posts - 1 through 21 (of 21 total)
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  • #615753
    frum81
    Member

    If yes, then what were the reasons for it? Who broke it off and what was the reaction of the person who was broken up with?

    #1085993
    Letakein Girl
    Participant

    Frum81, this is privacy.

    Privacy, this is frum81.

    Now go have a discussion, for the sake of humanity. 🙂

    #1085994
    Nechomah
    Participant

    If you are having serious doubts about your engagement, you don’t really need to know what other people experienced in such a situation, as everybody is different, have different reasons and different experiences. You should go quickly to speak to someone you trust – parent, rabbi, mentor – and speak to them candidly about your doubts and get advice on how to handle your situation. Hatzlacha!

    #1085995
    ayayay
    Participant

    Serious doubts should be taken very seriously.

    Reasons can range from incompatibility of hashkafah, insensitivity, difficulty communicating (“not on the same wavelength”), to indications of serious emotional instability. In one case I know a girl sensed something was off but could not find a tangible reason, got married and divorced – the husband dropped his mask once they were married.

    On ending a shidduch the other party might be very distraught, or perhaps also feel relieved – depends if they also sensed there was something amiss.

    If in doubt, talk to a trusted Rav or Rebbetzen or try something like a Shalom Workshop. If the other party is not fully willing to participate, enough said …

    Do not throw away your life.

    #1085996
    147
    Participant

    Always bear in mind:- “A stitch in time saves Nine” and in this Inyan, probably far more than just Nine.

    #1085998
    newbee
    Member

    Lake Guy: “better to get married and divorced than to break it beforehand.”

    I suggest you make the decision to get married to someone you dont want to be married to and then get divorced instead of asking a trusted rov, mentor and family member. An anonymous internet poster telling you to throw your life away is for sure the way to go.

    #1086000
    Sam2
    Participant

    newbee: Well, the Gra really did hold that way.

    #1086001
    newbee
    Member

    sam2: Yes, and my point is just as valid. I can always count on you sam to disagree with me, no matter what side of the line.

    Thanks

    #1086002
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Well, the Gra really did hold that way.

    Where does the Gra say to accept anonymous advice on the internet rather than speak to a trusted rav, mentor, or family member?

    #1086004
    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    Most people nowadays (at least in my circles) don’t make a tenayim until the day of the wedding. I assume the GRA is why the minhag is this way.

    #1086006
    Sam2
    Participant

    I didn’t say actually do it. It’s not relevant nowadays anyway. I was just responding to what I perceived as an insult to the Gra,

    42: I would assume your assumption is correct. Well, not the Gra per se, But the Cherem he’s referring to.

    #1086007
    newbee
    Member

    sam: “I was just responding to what I perceived as an insult to the Gra”

    Yes, im sure. And if instead I would have been the one to quote the gra you would have hammered me on that also, saying that doesn’t apply nowdays bla bla bla.

    #1086008
    Sam2
    Participant

    newbee: I would have commented that the Gra only matters if you did Tannaim already, which no one does (and which wouldn’t matter anyway because our Tannaim are totally meaningless) had you not preceded me with your comment.

    #1086009
    TheGoq
    Participant

    Everyone has some doubts before marriage you need to make a cheshbon and figure out exactly what it is that is bothering ypu and then determine if it is bothersome enough to call if off dont worry about what the neighbors will say do what you feel is right in your kishkes.

    #1086010
    mommamia22
    Participant

    You can ask others, but make sure the person really is qualified to give sound advice. If something doesn’t seem or feel right to you, own up to it.

    Truly bad advice has been given leading to disastrous relationships.

    Once the wedding’s over, all they’ll do is tsk if they hear of a broken marriage.

    It’ll be you who suffers.

    Take your time and be smart about your choices.

    Do not ignore that little voice.

    That just may be H’ nudging you in a particular direction.

    #1086011
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    It may also be cold feet. Sitting behind our screens, we have absolutely no idea.

    #1086012
    Trust 789
    Member

    mommamia22: I second that.

    Also, know that it is your choice. Do not let anyone make you feel bad about it.

    #1086013
    BarryLS1
    Participant

    mommamia22: Absolutely right.

    Also, I’ve seen well meaning parents who pressured their child not to break an engagement for fear of embarrassment (generally with horrible results). That is the worst possible reason and while parents advice is always valuable, but if that’s the reason given, you don’t have to listen. It’s your life.

    #1086014
    yeshivadan
    Member

    Go to a mentor and ask him or her. Sometimes the reason you may want to break the engagement is not real reasons, maybe it is only jitters. maybe it is due to the wedding preparation etc… Go to a psychologist or mentor and see what they say.

    #1086015
    Excellence
    Participant

    Depends how long you know the other person. I know someone who proposed after 2 weeks.

    If you live in different cities you’re going to marry a stranger. How often can you meet? You’ll have a skype relationship. There is a big issue with shidduchim now because we are so spread out and far away. We no longer live so close. Besides, from 1840 the masters have said we are all flawed souls and have issues from past lives.

    #1086016
    Trust 789
    Member

    If yes, then what were the reasons for it? Who broke it off and what was the reaction of the person who was broken up with?

    I don’t know the reason you are asking these questions, but if you are looking for answers regarding your own engagement, these questions, especially the latter two, are totally irrelevant.

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