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Why is it that boys go to the yeshiva that suits them and thier way of learning and girls are stuck just going to the same school as their older siblings and being forced to go there even if it doesn’t suit them at all?
JA – it doesn’t have to be that way even though it often is.
I think it has to do with the fact that people look for different things in boys’ schools than they do with girls’ schools. When it comes to boys’ schools, people are looking at the learning styles which is an individual matter. When it comes to girls’ schools, it’s about the hashkafa and type of family.
I’m not saying it’s right or wrong – just explaining why it happens. But you are right that there is something unfair about it.
Even if it does make sense most of the time, if it doesn’t make sense in a particular case, that girl should be allowed to go to a different school than her sisters. And there are families that will send different kids to different schools.
Your question cannot be answered because it is based on false information. If you are unhappy with your school it is not because you are female and all females are stuck in the wrong school, but because your family thinks you should stay in that school or there are no other school options, etc. Plenty of boys have yet to find a yeshiva that suits them.
Actually the boys schools are stricter, They girls have at least a little outlet, the boys do not.
If a boy is a poor learner or doesnt like to learn, frequently they are not given a choice to seek other kosher avenues
jhonny appleseed…………..
Not when you live OOT. Very often there is only one school, or you MUST send your children away and they have to dorm or live with relatives.
The local yeshiva for boys was lacking in many ways when our oldest sons were high school age….luckily, they were happy to live with my older brother in Brooklyn and went to school there.
Our three girls attended three different schools, so the idea they had to go where the older sister went didn’t hold with us. By the time the second was high school age there was a second girls high school in the area and our middle daughter and her friends chose the new school (they specifically did not want the Chabad school that was around for 50 years as we are Misnagid). Our youngest daughter chose to commute 35 miles to a third school. We carpooled for two years,and she drove her own car the final two years…I know that wouldn’t fly in many communities, but OOT religious girls often drive and have cars…there is little or no public transit.
Swatthatfly & ZD – I think you misunderstood JA’s question. It’s not about the difference b/w boys’ and girls’ schools.
It’s about the difference in the way that schools are chosen for each. With girls it generally goes by family. The general rule usually is that you have to go wherever your older sisters went, and you are not necessarily given a choice. By boys, you are not expected to go where your older brothers went.
Each time a boy in a particular family gets to Eighth grade, it is a given that choosing a Yeshiva for him is a new decision. With the girls in the family, the decision is made once – when the oldest girl is in Eighth grade, she and/or her family and the high school decide where she and all her younger sisters are going to go.
I have a friend who has 10 girls, ba”h. When her oldest daughter applied to high school, the school knew that when they decided to accept her, they were deciding to accept all 10 girls, and when she chose a school, she knew she was choosing for her entire family.
“Not when you live OOT. Very often there is only one school, or you MUST send your children away and they have to dorm or live with relatives.”
True, but JA lives in Lakewood so that’s what she was talking about.
OOT, the difference between boys and girls would be that boys can dorm and go somewhere else for Yeshiva. Technically, girls can board, but not all parents would let, not all girls would want to, and it might not be an option for everyone. It is far less common for girls to board than it is for boys to dorm.
Simularly to what Ctlawyer said. the city where I grew up in there were two different high schools for both boys and girls. While some families sent their children to the local high schools other families decided that those schools were not a good fit for their children and sent their kids out of town. Both boys and girls.
LU: I disagree with you. My daughter’s tested for different high schools. They were then allowed the option of which school to attend. Some went to the same school as their older siblings; some didn’t.
My sister did the same with her daughters.
Iacisrmma, that’s great that you did that. I know others who do as well. But many don’t. Apparently, JA’s parents didn’t allow her to go to a different school than her sisters.
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