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What is the best methodology in disciplining a child?
methodology?
A chinuch that would last a lifetime
Speak softly and carry a big stick
chanoch l’naar al pi darco”
each child needs his/her personal chinuch that is perfect for him/her
what works for one kid doesnt always work for another kid, even when in the same family.
Really listen to them. Not the scripted dialogue from the parenting books. Don’t pretend to be infallible. This will probably not work, but if it does, the child will believe himself to be destined to become infallible and will be bothered when he stays human.
Joseph,
It depends how big the kid is
What if you have kids of different sizes?
who cares, as long as there is a lollipop at the end of it.
Rebyidd,
Numerous sticks
Joe,
When the kid gets bar/bas mitzvahed (after that he/she isn’t your chiyuv of disciplining)
Then how are you supposed to learn and set a good example?
Huh?
There’s no chiyuv of chinuch after the child is bar/bas mitzvah which is why you’re patur from their onshim
How can you turn a page when your hand is full of sticks?
Peppermint candy stick.
that was my joke. that’s plagiarism!
Rebyidd,
With the other hand
Joseph,
Note I didn’t say to use it I just said to carry it/them
Either way one stick should be good enough as long as it’s big enough for all your kids, this is probably the best option
Joe,
Isn’t carrying it to threaten the child using it?
CA you must be one of Obama’s top advisors
joseph – very often when i picture you i have an image of that Moshe friedman guy from satmar/nk. any relation?
Rambam says it best:
??????????? ??? ???????–????? ??????????? ?????????? ????????, ????? ??????????? ?????????? ?????? ?????????–??????? ??????????? ??????? ?????? ???????, ????????? ??? ???????? ??????????? ??????, ??????????? ????????? ?????? ??? ????? ??????????, ???????????? ???????? ???????? ??????.
1. discipline in private.
2. speak b’nachas.
3. explain to them very clearly why they are wrong (don’t just say “because I said so.”)
Squeak,
Lol, actually obamas advisers do the opposite they talk tough and don’t even carry a stick
Joe,
See my comment above about onshim
got it. didn’t realize that was to me….i’ll have to mull that one over and take off your up-hat.
There are no boys over 13 or girls over 12.
If she is over 12 she is not a girl anymore.
Joe
Rebyidd is right you asked about children not son/daughter
joseph, that is downright creepy…
No Joe,
I’m saying after 13/12 they aren’t called children so it has to stop at 12/13
Joe,
Nope
discipline will change post-12/13, but the concept is the same. for example, if your 15 year old son stays out too late, you should certainly have a conversation with him about your rules, safety, the negative influence of peers, bitul zman, etc. if he doesn’t listen to you, then can take away a privilege like using your car or something.
Go to a frum parenting class, since if those people are giving talks about parenting, it must be that they know the answers to these questions. I’m sure that the children of all people giving parenting classes have come out super.
More seriously, if I hear about a person giving a parenting class I wonder, oh, and how did that work out for you? If their own children do not testify to the effectiveness of their parent’s child-rearing methods, then it would be silly to waste our time listening to them.
Joseph: “M, so you beat your own path and disregard others advice?”
Excellent point — no, but I am wary of advice from people that cannot produce any track record of success. Would you listen to a stock analyst that is not a successful trader? I would hope not. Would you listen to marriage advice from a person that is not happily married? I would hope not. Why would you listen to parenting advice from a person that has no evidence to show that they are a good parent?
And I don’t think for a second that I’m the best parent in the world. I’m probably not the best in the world, and probably not the worst either. I’m ok being somewhere in the middle. I have never seen any claim, let alone evidence, to show that people that are “good parents” end up raising “good kids”. I’m sure you have many friends that came from “amazing parents” that didn’t turn out too well, and kids that grew up in very rough family situations that came out great.
Joseph- the privileges depend on the family and circumstance, obviously, but the logic remains the same.
Supporting tour son post bar/bas mitzvah is considered chesed and not a chiyuv (you can tell I don’t have teenagers yet)
Which Halacha?
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