divorce support

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  • #601893

    max123
    Member

    Are there frum divorce support groups for men?

    #849943

    Bowwow
    Participant

    lets start one if there isn’t- Mods can you share our contact info with each other?

    #849944

    Think first
    Member

    We can do it right here, hi everyone my name is think first, and the best thing that ever happend to me was getting divorced. And I hope to find the right girl one day.

    #849945

    max123
    Member

    I guess that means there are none. Ok so who wants to help start one? And how can we share contact info?

    #849946

    Health
    Participant

    I don’t need support – I need revenge! Oh and btw, not on my ex -I don’t hate her. On all the people who caused the divorce -I want revenge.

    #849947

    Think first
    Member

    Health- revenge will eat you up alive,if you accept that it was Hashems will you’ll feel mucher better about it. I could too blame many people for withholding information from me beforehand which would have prevented the our marriage, and someone who guided me incorectly during the engagement when I should of broke it off. However I realize that it was Hashems will thay we were to be married for some time and that’s what happended. It may seem that if so and so didn’t do this and this things would be different but Hashem has his ways of orchastrating his will. Be well.

    #849948

    max123
    Member

    Health, the your feelings are understood, an probaly share by many, but think first has a point, regardless the fact that revenge is burning you up, is a reason to look for support. I”m waiting for someone here to post a support group, or help start one.

    #849949

    147
    Participant

    Hi Mr. Health:-

    Please let me know who screwed you up?

    Rest assured, everyone of them without a single exception, shall burn in Gehinom for ever & ever.

    Anyone who in anyway whatsoever interferes with a father parenting his children, or in any way chains a man, even for 1 day, is a murderer, who is violating Jewish law, both marital law, and Dinei Torah laws, as well as abetting violation of 8th of 10 commandmants, as appears in this week’s Parsha.

    Mr. Health:- You are not alone; We shall do everything to take class action against those bums who have fowled up the divorce system from how it should work & be operating.

    #849950

    Tora Yid
    Member

    Gehenim is 11 months.

    #849951

    147
    Participant

    11 months is for people who conducted their life with dignity, but had unfortunate mishaps here & there.

    Someone who did not act within the fold, unfortunately can be there for ever & ever.

    Systematically causing divorces to mushroom into huge battles is by definition someone not acting within the fold of a Ben Torah & religious individual.

    #849952

    Tora Yid
    Member

    Isn’t 11 the max? IOW, someone who unfortunately had mishaps here and there could get less than 11 months.

    #849953

    max123
    Member

    147 there are alot of men out there who where messed up by others, Why dont we start something, at least for support?

    #849954

    147
    Participant

    Absolutely

    #849955

    more
    Member

    Health

    Member

    “I don’t need support – I need revenge! Oh and btw, not on my ex -I don’t hate her. On all the people who caused the divorce -I want revenge. “

    do you still love her? Is there anyway of making amends and getting married again…-I know pple who have gotten remarried with each other, and the relationship was much stronger than it had been the first time round.. Is there any hope for this. maybe if these pple are crazy enough to convince her in regards to her personal life maybe someone can talk to her now, if it will benifit both of you. It sounds like you are really strong on the issue, when there’s a will theres a way..-if there’s no anger and resentment on both ends, maybe theres nothing wrong with trying each other out for a second round.. pple change. maybe she has too?? Maybe she’s feeling the same way you are.. Don’t worry about everyone else. eth comes from shamayim, by being angry at pple you are betraying your faith and trust in the aibishter. pple have no power, noone can do anything to help or harm you other than hashem. Whatever hashem has in store for you is for the benifit of your very being, because he loves you and cares for you. this might sound abserd, however Most of the time after a divorce the one one insisted on the divorce misses the company of the other spouse more than the one that was happy to stay married.. no matter how intricate the matter was that caused the contastrophy to come about.

    #849956

    147
    Participant

    Are you Health a Kohen?

    #849957

    Health
    Participant

    Think first -“Health- revenge will eat you up alive,”

    No it won’t -V’shame Reshaim Yirkav!

    “if you accept that it was Hashems will you’ll feel mucher better about it.”

    I do accept it and I still want revenge!

    “I could too blame many people for withholding information from me beforehand which would have prevented the our marriage, and someone who guided me incorectly during the engagement when I should of broke it off. However I realize that it was Hashems will thay we were to be married for some time and that’s what happended. It may seem that if so and so didn’t do this and this things would be different but Hashem has his ways of orchastrating his will. Be well.”

    Oh the same thing happenned to me, but the Shaddchan I’m still friendly with -they meant well. Lies happen with almost every Shidduch. These aren’t the ones I want revenge on. I want revenge on the people who from basically day one poisoned my wife against me and didn’t stop until 15+ years later when they were successful.

    #849958

    Health
    Participant

    more -“do you still love her? Is there anyway of making amends and getting married again…-I know pple who have gotten remarried with each other, and the relationship was much stronger than it had been the first time round.. Is there any hope for this. maybe if these pple are crazy enough to convince her in regards to her personal life maybe someone can talk to her now, if it will benifit both of you. It sounds like you are really strong on the issue, when there’s a will theres a way..-if there’s no anger and resentment on both ends, maybe theres nothing wrong with trying each other out for a second round.. pple change. maybe she has too??”

    Ya know Mr. More -I used to do a lot of wishful thinking, but after a few years it basically fades. She is OTD and took most of the kids with her. Anybody can do Teshuva and perhaps she will, but it doesn’t look very promising. I personally hope she will, not necessarily for my sake, even if we don’t get remarried, but for the kids sake.

    #849959

    Health
    Participant

    147 -“Are you Health a Kohen?”

    Nope and neither am I close to 147 years old! (:p

    #849960

    max123
    Member

    I guess the topic has changed from “support” to “revenge”, oh well! If anyone agrees to support let me know.

    #849961

    more
    Member

    Health, Anything is possible… what was the first thing that sparked that turning point on her part? nothing just happens overnight.. What compelled her most to that path? Prehaps this is a particular phase she is going through in her life, and she will come out of it.. Why don’t you get a REAL competant rav to talk to her…Sometimes when pple don’t have a strong enough foundation in their youth it causes them the instability later on in life, she may need a good rav to guide her through the ropes and come to understand the meaning of life.. She can overcome this obstacle from the past and present and you two can reunite. if you can show Your real love and real support, You will both come out of this far more stronger than you have ever been before.

    “I want revenge on the people who from basically day one poisoned my wife against me and didn’t stop until 15+ years later when they were successful.”

    that’s not going to help you or anyone else, once you have taken revenge you will inevitably become more bitter than you have ever been before, and will only hurt yourself. I’m not saying you are not a good person, but I am saying that everyone has flaws, within those 15 years of you two being together, did she ever point out any particular flaw that bothered her -the best way to take ‘revenge’ would be to work on whatever character flaws you’ve got, & prove to YOURSELF that you don’t have them within you and that these hooligans that steped between the two of you ARE wrong!

    with her, you havn’t given the entire picture, but from what you have said, it seems to be that the instability in her youth caused the strugle later on in life that compelled her to stray, in more ways than one. She needs guidance, support, and Answers! That turning point, I’m guessing was based on very deep emotion and not logic. She needs someone to talk a strong dose of logic to those emotions, and get them to combine themselves within her and work together. prehaps you weren’t born a kohen for a reason:)

    #849962

    Health
    Participant

    more – A Langa Drosha and what’s the point?

    “what was the first thing that sparked that turning point on her part? nothing just happens overnight..”

    Too long ago to remember.

    “What compelled her most to that path? Prehaps this is a particular phase she is going through in her life, and she will come out of it..”

    Perhaps, but I doubt it.

    “Why don’t you get a REAL competant rav to talk to her…Sometimes when pple don’t have a strong enough foundation in their youth it causes them the instability later on in life, she may need a good rav to guide her through the ropes and come to understand the meaning of life..”

    Not my responsibility right now.

    “She can overcome this obstacle from the past and present and you two can reunite. if you can show Your real love and real support, You will both come out of this far more stronger than you have ever been before.”

    A very, very unlikely scenario, but there is nothing wrong with wishful thinking.

    “that’s not going to help you or anyone else, once you have taken revenge you will inevitably become more bitter than you have ever been before, and will only hurt yourself.”

    Actually it will help a lot. And I’ll be much less bitter when I see these Reshayim destroyed.

    “I’m not saying you are not a good person, but I am saying that everyone has flaws, within those 15 years of you two being together, did she ever point out any particular flaw that bothered her -the best way to take ‘revenge’ would be to work on whatever character flaws you’ve got, & prove to YOURSELF that you don’t have them within you and that these hooligans that steped between the two of you ARE wrong!”

    First of all, I do have these flaws, but so what? Do you really think noone has flaws? And I’m not interested in proving to these people anything -I just want revenge on them. If you think people are perfect -think again and wake up to the real world. Oh I know there are lots that think they are better than the next guy, but in reality they are worse because they don’t even begin to see what is wrong with themselves. So these Reshayim who can only see the Shlect in people need to be punished and I’d like to see it -speedily & in my day!

    “with her, you havn’t given the entire picture, but from what you have said, it seems to be that the instability in her youth caused the strugle later on in life that compelled her to stray, in more ways than one. She needs guidance, support, and Answers! That turning point, I’m guessing was based on very deep emotion and not logic. She needs someone to talk a strong dose of logic to those emotions, and get them to combine themselves within her and work together.”

    She does need all these things, but it’s very unlikely she will ever get them. And actually she needed all these BEFORE she went into a marriage. Trust me, I tried for years while we were married to get her what she needed, but these Reshayim interfered and didn’t let me help her.

    #849963

    besalel
    Participant

    health, this is a true story: in one beis din i know intimately, a couple was getting divorced. at the time of the divorce the woman was crying and saying that this was only happening because of one friend of her husband who poisoned her husband to think that he should get a divorce. she cried and cried and cursed this man over and over again. the very next day, we learned that this man was shot and killed on the same day of the divorce by a business relationship that went sour. this happened only a few years ago and i know all of the people involved. i promise you, hashem does not look lightly upon people who ruin families and in time, whether in this world or not, they will get their due.

    let hashem get revenge for you.

    #849964

    Health
    Participant

    besalel -“let hashem get revenge for you.”

    That’s exactly what I meant and I get to see it. I wouldn’t take the law into my own hands -then I would get punished by the Goyishe Medina. Btw, one of the parties Hashem has already taken revenge. Even though the person was old, he/she was in very good health and all of a sudden he/she is gone.

    #849965

    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    Hashem is not vengeful. And maybe the business partner was not responsible at all but suffered from having been cursed and now who knows what the one who cursed him will suffer. I think you guys should find someone who can give you some tremendous support and insight. I feel for the pain you are in and know that it doesn’t have to be. I sincerely wish you menuchas nefesh.

    #849966

    Health
    Participant

    SL -“Hashem is not vengeful.”

    Of course he is. We say in Davening everyday -Kel Nekomos Hashem -Kel Nekomos Hofeeah! Nekomoh means vengeance!

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