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I know I have to ask a rav but I’m just curious to know what people here think.
Do I have to tell a shadchan that I have a mental health issue? B”H things are soooo much better, and of course I know I must tell the guy but do I have to tell the shadchan about my past issues?
Also, at what point would you tell the boy about these issues? I’m thinking after 3rd maybe even a little later but I don’t know. I’m starting to freak out that no one is going to want to marry me because of these issues.
You dont have to tell the Shadchan but you should DEFINITELY tell the boy. When you feel it is getting serious thats a good time to tell.
I don’t understand your question! If the person your dating would care WHY would you keep iit a secret? Just to make further trouble? And If they would not care, WHY would you mind letting them know?
Are you sure the boy (and his family) have done 100% full disclosure of their past? And just how big a “mental health issue” are we talking? Was it medication to calm your nerves during a challenging stage in life? Or is it medication that you need to be on daily?
Sad to say, the world we live in is a pretty small one, so if its something that was really over the top, chances are the shadchan, his parents, or he himself already know, so don’t let it eat you up.
That said, by the time you see “the question” on the horizion, be sure you tell him. Nothing sinks a ship faster than withholding info from your spouse (to be)
If ur talking about popping a Prozac whenever your’re having a bad hair day or whatever (like half the population unfortunately does these days) I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. You don’t need to tell the shadchan, just the guy you’re dating.
But if you have a real mental disorder, it makes sense to tell the shadchan, so a guy can decide if he’s interested in dating you in the first place.
Don’t worry, bashert WILL want to marry you and he’s the only one who really counts.
I don’t understand your question! If the person your dating would care WHY would you keep iit a secret? Just to make further trouble? And If they would not care, WHY would you mind letting them know?
Most people would care, and would likely not agree to even go out if they knew. (Not that anyone is at fault for a mental health issue, but that’s human nature.) The idea of waiting to tell is that the other person might agree to overlook an issue once they have gotten to know the person. Yet, it would be unfair tho let it go too far without disclosing an issue.
I would say that depending on the severity of the issue it may be a ship sinker if the boy doesn’t know to start out with
Prozac is an SSRI, it’s not something you just pop
Perhaps you mean Xanax or the likes something of the short-acting drug of the benzodiazepine class
“popping a Prozac whenever your’re having a bad hair day”
Is that the trick? And to think, my Mrs invests $100s of Benji’s in trips to the shaitelmacher.
Too bad she’s not wise to the new way of problem solving
Sure it will, don’t give up
Everything is in Hashems hands, he performs miracles every minute, he will bring the the right Zivug
I’m also on meds, and i’m perfectly confident that Hashem will send me my zivug, aint nothing to be ashamed of
“I am doing so unbelievably well that I feel like I’m ready to move onto the next stage in life”
Does your healthcare professional feel the same way? If so, consider making one of the dates a joint visit. If he can handle that, you know you’ve got a winner. If he hears the clean bill of health from a pro (as opposed to a panicky parent) he’ll know how to handle the situation.
As far as your not being able to believe that anyone will accept you as is, don’t be so sure. If he’s the one, he’ll believe in you
Firstly i agree with bpt that you should check with the professional that you are working with, to ensure that you are stable enough to take such a drastic step (marriage). As for the other issue of wondering whether you will find him, thats something that just about everyone in the shidduchim world struggles with, and it comes back to the strength of your emuna and bitachon.
maybe read up on some crazy hashgocho protis dating stories to help bolster yours. Not trying to change the topic of the thread here but heres a good story to start you off. I know a guy who was older about 25 and he was sort of done with dating girls fresh out of seminary for any number of reasons. So at that point in time he had two girls redt, one was 22 with a job and seemingly older more mature and the other was 19 and fresh out of seminary. so he decided to go out with the 22 year old the logical choice who was a 4 hour drive away. bikitzur two days before he was going to drive there he broke his leg and the other girl (19 year old one) happened to be in town . . . now they are happily married. point of the story is when its supposed to happen it will happen with the right person. people get wrong information forget to call certain ppl etc etc there are so many stories out there.
good luck
Happiest – I did not read your post carefully, I did not realize you were only talking about the shadchan, and not the boy. You might dissapoint the boy if he only finds out later and would have rather known earlier, but If you do tell him, I dont see why the shadchan would have to know, unless to avoid the disapointment of the boy.
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