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At will, all your emails, any account you have, at any time.
Yes
Yes, but only on my personal account.
As a Rebbe, I have a school email account which often contains sensitive personal information about my students and their families, which I am not at liberty to divulge to my wife (this would be pure Lashon Hara).
It should be noted, however, that the school administration has access to my school email account.
NO, as an attorney it would violate the Ethics rules. I have to screen emails sent to my personal email accounts to make sure that they are not from clients or contain privileged communications.
I would, as I have nothing to hide, and there are no ethical privacy inyanim involved.
Hide? Are we talking about frum, ehrleiche, decent, moral upstanding individuals or the filthy, debased street outside? (or maybe that’s your question?!?)
Nope. Frogette can and does read my email anytime she wants, cares, or has time.
Like they say.. We’re all in it together.
Do do allow your spouse to read your posts?
At will, all your emails, any account you have, at any time.
She’s never asked. However, if she asked… personal, yes. Work, no.
The Wolf
Why would she want to? Do you have a spouse who is distrusting??
No
She isn’t allowed to use the Internet.
Joseph,
No
Joseph not at all
Can we assume that when you ignore questions, it is because you are admitting you are wrong?
No
Why cant you follow a conversation?
If it were non-contextual, you might have a point.
There is something sinister about the question. Even if a person is married, one is entitled to some privacy. My wife never asked and if she wanted to read them, I guess I would let her but I would ask for the content of every phone conversation she has or chat with a friend either.
Joseph,
The word “No” was an answer to a question YOU asked, beginning with the words: “Can we assume that the active…”
You asked the question.
Which part of my one word answer did you have trouble understanding?
Which part of my one word answer did you have trouble understanding?
The part which doesn’t fit his agenda.
No, I would not allow my spouse to read every single email of mine. Not because I’m trying to hide anything sinister
but because of the personal nature of some of my emails. I write a lot of deeply personal poetry and diary entries which I often save in my email that my spouse has no business reading
I’ve already answered this and explained the ethical restraints my professional license puts on my communications and their privacy privilege.
That stated:
You may choose to let your spouse read your outgoing email, BUT you may not have richus of the sender to let your spouse read your received email.
The sender has an expectation of privacy in addressing the email to you, as opposed to mailing a letter addressed to the XXXX family.
Why wouldn’t you share your personal feelings/poetry with your soulmate?
Because sometimes you just don’t. There’s nothing wrong with having private feelings.
The Wolf
That’s a good point.
I know quite a few people whose email address is shared (ex: [email protected]). When there’s an expectation that the spouse has access to the account, it’s fine.
But if it’s private-meaning only for you-why is it on your email account in the first place?
If you have a Yahoo , Gmail or similar account lots of innapropriate Spam is received, like from “Dating” websites. There is nothing you can do to stop i
Shopping- I keep it in my email so I can access it whenever I want. No matter where I am.
Joseph- I don’t feel it’s necessary to share everything with a spouse. Yes we are married, but we are still two distinct people. And not everything I write is meant to be shared with anyone. Be it a parent, best friend, or spouse. I’m a very private person and like to keep certain things to myself
My right hand doesn’t share with my left hand.
You are two halves of one whole. Would your right hand refuse to share with your left hand?
Your analogy is flawed, of course, because your two hands don’t have their own identities and personalities.
You see, Joseph, you can choose to share everything with your spouse if you want to. But one thing I’ve learned over the years is that what works for one couple does not work for every couple.
If sharing everything works between you and your wife — God bless you both. However, for some couples, oversharing is a bad thing — and unless you’re privy to the dynamics of their marriage and personalities, then it’s rather presumptuous of you to demand of them why they don’t.
The Wolf
Ah, but Reb Wolf, in this case the primary consideration is what Hillel said:
??? ???? ????? ?? ??? ????
No, I don’t believe it is. I don’t believe that everything that I don’t tell my wife is something that is something that is in the nature of a nisayon. Somethings are just private to me, that’s it. Other things are of a confidential nature that have nothing to do with her and are none of her business. I respect her privacy and she respects mine. I trust her and she trusts me — and that works for us for a quarter century. Anyone who is happily married for a quarter century is clearly doing something right regarding how their relationship works. So, since this works for us, I’m not changing it. And if something else works for another couple… then all the more power to them. I wouldn’t presume to say that just because it works for me, they must do likewise.
The Wolf
I don’t let my spouse read all of my emails, but I do let him read any particular email he wants.
It would take an awful lot of time to read all my emails, and I value his time too much to let it be wasted like that.
Even I don’t read all my emails!
Wolf: It working between yourselves doesn’t necessarily mean it works between you and Hashem.
… and it doesn’t mean it doesn’t. So, unless you’re a navi, or until you show me somthing in the S”A stating that it is forbidden to not tell your spouse everything, I’ll thank you to allow me to run my marriage.
And, before you ask… no, she doesn’t have the password to my email. But then again, my computer is always logged into my personal email. If she wanted to look, all she has to do is open my computer.
The Wolf
It’s important to raise the flag so that those who are mistakenly negligent in this inyan and “keep whats personal private” are made aware of the pitfalls.
TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!! Hey, Ref! Can I get a “moving the goalposts call here?”
You’ve gone from making emails available to sharing everything.
Not everything I don’t share with my wife is something that will result in a potential pitfall.
If I keep secret some embarrassingly horrible poetry I wrote in my teens, what pitfall am I likely to fall into? The “sin” of writing more bad poetry?
If I don’t tell her about the time I really disappointed my mother resulting in the loss of her wedding ring*, what nisyaon am I setting myself up for? That I’ll purposely lose her ring?
If I don’t tell her about a surprise gift that I’m getting her, what pitfall am I falling into — the “sin” of making her happy with a surprise?
If I don’t tell her about the time that I stupidly dropped a bowling ball on my foot and was in a cast for two months**, am I setting myself up for the sin of doing it again?
If a friend confides in me that he’s having financial problems/personal problems/whatever and asks me to keep it in confidence (and it has nothing to do with my wife), what sin am I potentially falling into by not telling her?
In other words, there are plenty of things that I can choose not to tell my wife that have nothing to do with potentially falling into a sin in the future.
The Wolf
* No, that never happened, it’s an example.
** Nope, that never happened either.
Joseph: I think technology has moved far beyond emails for communication that can be un-kosher. So I don’t know why you decided to make everyone aware of this now. Quite frankly you’re barking up the wrong tree, most likely in the wrong forest. Just my two cents.
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