Do you know families that do this?

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  • #599147
    WIY
    Member

    I know of families that whenever they have guests for Shabby will be “makpid” to use fancy dishes silverware…and not put any jars or containers on the table (dips…)but rather put everything in a bowl or dish.

    I don’t think the guest has a clue that this show is being put on for them. My question is, what’s the point? Either always use the nice stuff or never use it. Why bother with the charade? To me it seems fake and irrational. I mean you have the stuff, its no big deal to do this all the time.

    #805883
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    How would you know what they do privately?

    “I mean you have the stuff, its no big deal to do this all the time.”

    I’m guessing you don’t do the dishes at your place 🙂

    #805884
    bombmaniac
    Participant

    maybe for them its enough to use plastic etc…but when it comes to hachnassas orchim they pull out all the stops

    #805885
    always here
    Participant

    am yisrael chai~ “I’m guessing you don’t do the dishes at your place :)”

    you took the words right outta my mouth/keyboard! 🙂

    #805886
    deiyezooger
    Member

    I second AYC, sometimes people are overworked and will rather spend their energy with their kids then with their dishes but when they have geusts they will prepare nicer in honor of the geusts. Nothing wrong with that.

    #805887

    WIY you are so funny….I do this! I am not fancy by ancestry or nature, but I will go get stressed out, even buying fancier linen napkins, or dishes if we have guests coming. But when we’re alone, I’ll even use plastic sometimes, and they way we conduct a tish…whoa, that’s another story.

    Anyways, I am getting very nervous, truth be told, because we’re im yirtze Hashem getting a new ideim. Son in law.

    I am like ready to scratch and revarnish our dining room chairs and reupholster just to keep up with looking like mentchim or the rosenbergs (who are they anyways?)

    But that is what it is. People don’t like being low, people worry what others are thinking, if they are being judged, People like to look like the better class. And if you aren’t that way naturally, then at least pretend to be and put up an act when others peek inside your house.

    By the way are you male ? Because that would explain why you have no clue how sensitive this issue is to most balebatish women. My husband also talks like this. He would agree with you 100%.

    But thats the name of the game. Look balebatish even if you aren’t by nature.

    #805888
    real-brisker
    Member

    WIY – I don’t see any problem with this practice.

    #805889
    WIY
    Member

    Arwsf

    Well Maze Tov on the new Ideim (new item? Lol). Lots of Yiddishe Naches!

    Yes I am male its not obvious? 🙂

    #805890
    deiyezooger
    Member

    “always runs with scissors fast”

    Dont worry about SIL, being a male he wont care much if you use china or paper plates as long as the food is yummy, but you may want to put away that scissors or he will freak out…

    #805891
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    dz

    “but you may want to put away that scissors or he will freak out…”

    You REALLY made me laugh out loud!

    Arwsf

    Mazel tov to you and the whole family!

    #805892
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    WIY; I’m totally with you on this.

    If Shabbos Kodesh isn’t enough reason to break out your finery and china-ery 😉 (not a word) then don’t bother taking it out for a guest for it is a Bizayon for Shabbos Ha’malkah!!!

    Do you treasure the opinion of a Basar V’dom that you Shtel Tzi a very fancy feast for show, Vs. being mechabed HB”H by respecting the Holy Shabbos with your best dishes etc..

    #805893
    aries2756
    Participant

    You are always supposed to be mehudar mitzvah on Shabbos and use your finest. So you might not treat your family to the finest all the time, or trust them with the finest, but you do try your best when you have company to at least do so at that time. It is NOT necessarily for the company it is l’kavod Shabbos AND the company.

    #805894
    deiyezooger
    Member

    AYC,?? ???? ???? ???? until then a smile will suffice.

    #805895
    deiyezooger
    Member

    Aries

    *like*

    Bein Hasdurim, as a general rule people should prepare the nices things for shabbos, but if its a question of nice dishes or a rasted mother its the latter not the former, the kids oineg shabbos is the parents talking and listening to them. The geusts oineg shabbos however is a nicely set table and elegantly served food.

    #805896
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    dz

    I couldn’t help that burst of laughter and it’s mostly your fault, you gave no heads up…and I have someone on the computer right next to me, how embarrassing…

    always

    You made me smile. Not so embarrassing.

    b_h

    Keep in mind that Hashem cares more about how people treat each other, ???? ??????, who are created in His image, and is mochel more on His own ????.

    And I say this despite the fact that I am one of those who usually does not use containers or ketchup bottles on a Shabbos table, even when alone.

    #805897
    WIY
    Member

    Bein_hasdorim

    Great post! That’s how I feel about this. It comes off as doing it just for the guests perception of you. What happened to Kvod Shabbos? Is Shabbos now chopped liver?

    #805898
    deiyezooger
    Member

    AYC, Sorry, just couldn’t resist…

    #805899
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    deiyezooger; If shabbos doesn’t merit dishes, only guests, I believe it is kind of zilzul in Kavod Shabbos, though I hear your s’vorah. But it isn’t always the case is it? Some people really want to show up for their guest how fancy they are, and it’s just that.

    The Mommy of the house should be well rested, dishes can be done after shabbos, the same way the dishes miraculously get done when there is guests. Why can’t the dishes find their way to the table when there is nobody to show of to, just HB”H, Shabbos, the Malochim. Showing our dear children that we respect Shabbos for Shabbos and don’t put on a show only when other people are watching.

    #805900
    deiyezooger
    Member

    I guess we don’t disagree, if the reason one does it is not to make the geust feel special but to show of then you are right.

    #805901
    WIY
    Member

    Deiyezooger

    That was a good line 🙂

    #805902
    deiyezooger
    Member

    Which one, the last one?

    #805903
    aries2756
    Participant

    Because Mommies don’t always have the Koach to do everything and sometimes Tatties have to help and partake in the mitzvah too!

    #805904
    Toi
    Participant

    washing tons of dishes is tough and theres nothing wrong with also being mechabed orchim

    #805905
    WIY
    Member

    Deiyezooger

    ???? ???? ???? ?? until then a smile will suffice = good line.

    #805906
    deiyezooger
    Member

    Thanks WIY.

    #805907
    WIY
    Member

    Deiyezooger

    YW

    #805908
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    WIY; agreed to agree, and I guess DZ agrees too!

    If we can get one more we’ll bl”n make a kiddush in the CR.

    aries2756; Who said a/t bout Tatties not helping? It’s Kavod Shabbos were talking about and everyone has to help. You also have to help if its Kavod Ishto. Chazal are very clear about this, besides it being common decency.

    #805909
    deiyezooger
    Member

    “If we can get one more we’ll bl”n make a kiddush in the CR.”

    You better use your finest china, no exuses this time around…

    #805910
    a mamin
    Participant

    Mazel Tov Always!! Wow, one simcha right after another!!

    You really need your rest! I hope by the time the chasunah comes you wont be so overwhelmed and you will be able to handle your new family member!

    #805911
    aries2756
    Participant

    bein_hasdorim, it is so nice to hear you say that. Unfortunately that is NOT the case in many homes.

    #805912
    kapusta
    Participant

    It sort of bothers me too but I’ve come to the conclusion that its actually a good thing. 1- they recognize where Shabbos is and where it can be. 2- (as mentioned) If it means everyone stays calm, its worth a lot. Maybe not ideal, but getting there, and thats a big thing.

    *kapusta*

    #805913
    WIY
    Member

    kapusta

    Are you actually agreeing with me? lol

    #805914
    kapusta
    Participant

    Sort of, I think. I was kinda shocked myself.

    *kapusta*

    #805915
    apushatayid
    Participant

    We used to do this in our house (paper or plastic unless we had guests), until recently. Now we use china all the time.

    We used to use china, only when we had company because we wanted the children to understand that the guests (and inviting them) are important. They already got the message that shabbos is chashuv and important with all the preparations beforehand (the cleaning and cooking of special foods).

    The kids are older now and have absorbed both messages. Now that they are old enough and big enough that they dont break every piece of china they put their hands on, we use china for all shabbos and yom tov meals.

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