Do you think Jewish men should start practicing polygamy again?

I think it’s a great idea but my wife disagrees- can’t think why—-

That also means multiple mothers-in-law. LOL

Huh? Serious?

Theoretically, there could be 2 benefits to it:

1. would solve the problem of there being more girls than boys of dating age.

2. would solve the problem of the working mother- one wife would work to help support the family (as a second income, or so husband can learn) and the other wife can raise the kids.

But…it would never happen.

Aside from the fact that it is illegal, the practice does not just depend on the man-and what woman would want to become someone’s second wife? Singles are reluctant to do so even now when the first wife is deceased or divorced, can’t imagine they would want to when she is still in the same house! And what wife would want to share her husband with a “tzara”?

Waiting for Joseph to quote someone out of context on why its the halacha

I’M ASSUMING THAT NOBODY HERE HEARD OF THE CHEREM D’RABBEINU GERSHOM NOT ALLOWING MULTIPLE WIVES. EXCEPT FOR SEFARDIM. BUT YOU HAVE TO BE REAL CRAZY TO HAVE 2 WIVES.

There is a notable discrepancy in the number of single women in shidduchim versus the notably lower number of single men in shidduchim.

There are women who would agree to be part of a family with multiple wives were that a viable option. There’s even a longtime member of this coffee room who is an older single that posted here she’d be open to the idea.

It is legal in some countries, including South Africa (which has a frum community and the President of the country himself has multiple wives.) So anyone could visit South Africa to do it should they so desire. And America has accepted tens of thousands of African immigrants with their multiple wives, many of whom live in New York City.

Additionally, Fundamentalist Mormans have openly been practicing polygamy in the United States for hundreds of years and continue to openly do so today. Court decisions have protected them from being adversely affected from on the books marriage restrictions and even more recent court decisions have made clear the entire US laws precluding polygamy, even though they aren’t enforced and haven’t been in nearly a century, are unconstitutional in any event.

Polygamy: One wife too many

Monagomy: One wife too many

For Western Society it would be very good for them to restore Polygamy,for one it would remove so much angst- and precisely therefore they don’t!

Even previous studies that it harms the children have been proven false

Eclipse -“Now the woman’s job could be TO SPEND PRECIOUS TIME WITH HER CHILDREN, which is what most want to do anyway.”

I spent a lot of time with my kids, besides doing a lot of chores!

I’m sorry that you got such a raw deal when you were married!

Better luck next time!

I think Mashiach will come before polygamy is accepted by most Jews.

Eclipse -“health: I never mowed the lawn, no grass in NY (just weed)”

So mow your weeds!

“re: better luck, im too busy to even consider it:)”

That’s very good, because Batoloh Mavy to Shimone!

I’m not – except –

I’m still fighting with my ex, after many years.

Joseph – are you serious????!!! Do you seriously think that polygamy would be a good idea? As you yourself wrote, “And there have even been Ashkenazic rabbonim who said the ban (which technically expired per R”G’s takana but was kept in place by the rabbonim of the time post-expiration) could be lifted if the rabbonim today felt it beneficial to do so.” If that is true, then obviously the Rabbanim do NOT feel that it would be a good idea to do so, so nothing more needs to be said.

And the vast majority of women and girls would NOT be happy if the ban were lifted. I don’t think the fact that one person in the CR wrote that she would be interested can be taken as any kind of proof.

Abba-S -“Health – I thought divorce stopped the fighting. Let us hope this new year bring Peace on Earth both when dealing with countries and even between husband and wife, or in your case between ex husband and ex-wife so that all fighting will stop. May you also find your true love and get married this year. Let’s also hope the Moshiach comes this year too.”

Thank you!

That’s one of the reasons that I never wanted to get divorced!

I knew that there will be much more fighting.

“Thank you!

That’s one of the reasons that I never wanted to get divorced!

I knew that there will be much more fighting.”

Health, I think it usually stops eventually, although it could take until the kids are grown up. It seems to me that most people who get divorced eventually reach the point that they aren’t fighting. Once the kids are grown up, it is much easier, since you don’t have anything (or much) to fight about anymore, and you don’t even have to deal with each other anymore, except for attending the same Simchas at opposite sides of the Mechitza.

Health, why cant you go and just ignore each other. We dont talk at all but we both go to the kids simchas.

“Additionally, Fundamentalist Mormons have openly been practicing polygamy in the United States for hundreds of years and continue to openly do so today.”

That is actually an excellent case study. LDS women, men and children have spoken out over a century, and decades ago about the abuse of women this practice has brought about. Again, read The 19th Wife. There are many desperately unhappy sister wives. There may be a few who are content, but the potential this has for abuse and unhappiness by far outweighs the few that have wholeheartedly accepted it.

LU -“Health, I think it usually stops eventually, although it could take until the kids are grown up. It seems to me that most people who get divorced eventually reach the point that they aren’t fighting.”

Is that why you are hesitant to get married – because your parents got divorced & there was a lot of fighting?!?

just for the record, I only decided that I wanted to get married after my parents got divorced. I was too young yet to get married but old enough to have just started thinking about the concept in theory shortly before they got divorced. I remember wondering why in the world people get married, but then when they got divorced, I realized that theirs was not a “real” marriage and did not represent what marriage is about (something I would never have realized o/w).

And that is my response to all those posts that people wrote about the effect of divorce on kids!!

Thebabbler +1.

I’ve been trying to understand these posts people have written about the effect of divorce on kids. I thought about it a lot, and looking at myself and my siblings, I really have no idea what they are talking about. I really thought about it, but I really can’t figure out what anyone is talking about. Certainly in terms of the girls.

I did hear part of a recording once by Dr. Pelkowitz talking about the effect of divorce on kids. He said that it very much depends on the age and gender of the kids. I don’t remember which ages were the most/least problematic. What I do remember is that there it is much more difficult for boys, in particular only or oldest boys.

L’maaseh, it is not clear-cut if kids are better off if their parents get divorced or stay together. For starters, there are different shitas on it and you can find research in both directions and they both make sense. At the end of the day, it really depends on many, many factors including the ages and genders of the kids, the kids’ personalities, what the parents are like, what the marriage was like, how complicated the divorce is, the custody arrangements, and most importantly how well the parents are able to manage the divorce in a way that is the least complicated for the kids (not bad-mouthing the other parent to or in front of the kids, not using the kids as pawns, keeping the kids out of the arguments, neither discouraging the kids from going to their father’s for Shabbos nor forcing them to do so, making sure their needs are fulfilled, etc.)

Aside from the fact that every case is different, it is almost impossible to ever know conclusively, if the kids were better or worse off. The only way to do so would be to know how things would have worked out the other way and obviously, you can never know that. You can try to compare families in which the parents chose to get divorced and those in which they didn’t, but it’s really an extremely inaccurate comparison. First of all, every situation is completely different. Second of all, by definition, there are going to be differences to start with between those families that chose divorce and those that didn’t. For one thing, on average, the couples that chose divorce probably had worse marriages to begin with.

I will just say that personally, in my experience, most of my peers who have the biggest problems come from homes with shalom bayis problems in which the parents did not get divorced, and most of my peers who have divorced parents turned out very well.

Health – I didn’t realize that being picky = not settling for stam a guy! In that case, everyone I know is picky, Boruch Hashem (and normal too!).

Actually, you’re wrong about its being a chiyuv for women to get married as I have already pointed out to you. But I am not going to argue with you about it, since I know from experience that there is no point in getting into an argument with you regarding halacha, since you are nowhere near being my “bar plugta” when it comes to halacha. That is true of most people since most people do not have my background in halacha, but the problem with you is that you won’t admit it when you are unable to understand something even after I have explained it to you many times so there is no point in continuing this discussion.

LU -“Actually, you’re wrong about its being a chiyuv for women to get married as I have already pointed out to you. But I am not going to argue with you about it, since I know from experience that there is no point in getting into an argument with you regarding halacha, since you are nowhere near being my “bar plugta” when it comes to halacha.”

You’re wrong again! I learn Shulchun Aruch.

“That is true of most people since most people do not have my background in halacha, but the problem with you is that you won’t admit it when you are unable to understand something even after I have explained it to you many times so there is no point in continuing this discussion”

Stop speaking to yourself! What Yeshiva did you learn in?

If you’re a woman, you’re whole post reeks of Gaivah!

It’s supposed to be easier to be more patient with strangers than one’s immediate family:)The coffee room has so many threads where people sometimes forget to respectfully disagree.If one person feels attacked, he/she will naturally get defensive, and so it goes. And everyone is left feeling awful. Can we try for softer communication?

My post was intended elsewhere, so as not to imply any particular person.

lilmod, I thought I was clear that it is only viable if the rabbonim shlita agreed to it and thought it beneficial. It isn’t being proposed independent of the rabbonim. Also note that this ban was never accepted across all segments of Klal Yisroel. It was primarily Ashkenazim. And Teimanim practice it even in the modern era. Additionally, were it implemented clearly it would only be doable, or even desired, by a small minority of the Klal. If 95% of the people felt it weren’t for them, and only 5% practiced it, then that’s what it would be. I only pointed out that a longtime female poster here advocated it to demonstrate it does have its proponents. And if someone felt there only option for marriage was being one of two wives versus an alternative of being no one’s wife, I could easily see some choosing the former over the latter.

gofish, clearly the Fundamentalist Mormons implement this badly. I don’t think any sane person would advocate a dozen wives for one husband, as they often do. I only cited them in reference to the practicality of legally practicing this in the United States. Technically they aren’t practicing polygamy in a secular legal sense in the United States since they only have an official marriage certificate with one wife. The others are only what they solemnize as a spiritual marriage. However they’re practicing it they’re doing it openly and aren’t prosecuted for it unless there is underage, non-consent or abuse involved.