Does Age Really Matter?

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  • #589600

    an open book
    Participant

    does age rly matter in relationships? can u have friends different ages/in diff stages of life than u? does the older person always have to be the mentor?

    #641678

    flatbush27
    Member

    age usually does matter in relationships which is why the man is usually older than the woman. if it didnt matter we wouldnt do it the way we do, although obviosly there are plenty of marriages where the woman is older than the man, but usually not in the more yeshivish circles.

    #641679

    oomis
    Participant

    I have had friends of all ages after I reached my forties. Some are clsoe to my age, some are much younger, some are much older. I subscribe to the notion that “mekall melamdei hiskalti,” and that this applies to people of all ages, as well. Sometimes the older person is my mentor, sometimes I am int he position of having greater experience. Friendship is a give and take, and it really matters little who is older and who is younger, UNLESS YOU make it an issue in your personal relationships. I think in my teens and twenties, I would have expected to be less open to this, but the truth is I was always comfortable around ALL types of people, and still am.

    #641680

    kapusta
    Participant

    IMO, absolutely not!!! 🙂

    #641681

    Jewess
    Member

    If you mean in a marital or dating relationship, then age matters if it matters to YOU (or to him or her).

    If you mean in a friendship, age should not matter once you are both adults, and no, the older person does not always have to be the mentor. I have friends that could be my mother and I don’t look at them as mentors. I respect them for their age with which may come knowledge, but I don’t look up to them for answers or quidance.

    #641682

    anonymisss
    Participant

    no (ok, sometimes,) yes, no

    #641684

    cherrybim
    Participant

    Basically, you can ask that question about any characteristic in a dating relationship:

    Does height matter?

    Does weight matter?

    Does background or nationality matter?

    Does money matter?

    Does degree of frumkeit matter?

    I know of several instances where the girl was somewhat older than the boy (up to 10 years); or where the boy was much older than the girl (up to 20 years) and the marriages are wonderful with wonderful children.

    Chazal, however, states that you’re asking for trouble when the fellow is old and the bride is young. Human nature says the young woman will eventually look elsewhere when her needs are not met.

    #641685

    kapusta
    Participant

    was the OP coments regarding shidduchim? I understood it as relationships in general, for shidduchim theres a lot more to consider than just a general friendship. it depends on the people involved and the ages, theres no blanket statement. 🙂

    #641686

    anonymisss
    Participant

    Chazal, however, states that you’re asking for trouble when the fellow is old and the bride is young. Human nature says the young woman will eventually look elsewhere when her needs are not met.

    cherrybim, can you tell me where it says this? I would be interested in seeing it. Thanks.

    ~a~

    #641687

    squeak
    Participant

    I’d love to know what that means! How many years of marriage (several?) does it take before both spouses become ethereal and not physical?

    #641688

    cherrybim
    Participant

    anonymisss: Look in Rambam, Issurei Bi’ah, 21:24

    ??? ???? ???? ????, ??? ???? ??? ????–???? ?? ???? ?????…

    #641689

    eyesopen
    Member

    Age doesn’t matter.

    #641690

    an open book
    Participant

    i posted awhile ago in response to most of these, but they did not go through.

    for anyone who did not understand, i meant relationships in general. i had an example of what i was talking about, but i don’t remember exactly what it was now 🙁

    #641691

    anonymisss
    Participant

    cherrybim, thanks!

    AOB, that’s what I inferred from your original post. I don’t know why it turned into this, it always does somehow.

    ~a~

    #641692

    moish01
    Member

    depends what kind of friend

    #641693

    anonymisss
    Participant

    ames, I don’t think friends have to be going through the same experiences at the same time. I, single and working and college student, have friends who are married with babies and we still have our balanced, equal friendship that we always had.

    ~a~

    #641695

    kapusta
    Participant

    shidduchim and seminaries… center stage forever :/

    #641697

    squeak
    Participant

    It is possible to have different levels of friendship. Really close friends probably need to be going through the same stage of life to stay close. The most casual friendships don’t require anything of the sort. As an example, I don’t think that anyone here in the CR is my age, but I consider us friends. Obviously we are not the closest type of friends, but age does not matter much here.

    #641698

    moish01
    Member

    squeak, you don’t think anyone here is around your age? no one? not joseph, not charlie, not oomis, not anon… wow you must be REALLY old… because if they range from age 40 to 70, you gotta be in your eighties or something…

    #641699

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    hmmmm- that does make sense moish. He’s always rambling on about the inventions of yesteryear 😉

    #641700

    moish01
    Member

    oh areivim, i was debating whether or not to include you in the 40 – 70 age bracket.

    but then i realized you wouldn’t make it because you’re only 39…

    😉

    #641701

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    do i sound that good? 😉

    #641702

    moish01
    Member

    since when does “goodness” depend on one’s age??

    #641703

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    I should hope that as you get older, you acquire more knowledge and sound a bit more knowledgeable

    #641704

    myshadow
    Member

    moish 39 for areivim??? he’s totally around 26

    #641705

    squeak
    Participant

    you’re right, moish. I haven’t considered everyone that posts here, just the ones who made their age range clear. But I don’t think any of the names you listed have hit 7-0 yet

    #641707

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    I didn’t know I’m such an enigma

    #641709

    squeak
    Participant

    Well, you didn’t say much about yourself but you tried to peg me as a 29 y.o. bachelor LOL and then said something about how we are similar, so you tell me….

    #641710

    moish01
    Member

    nah he’s married and he’s in his upper 20s. that’s my guess.

    (if anyone wants to know what he looks like, just say the word ;))

    #641711

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    squeak- i said we’re similar?? in what shape or form?

    moish- when are you gonna let up? i died the beard black on purim 😉

    #641712

    moish01
    Member

    in what shape or form? maybe squeak is also skinny and wears rimless glasses 😉

    #641713

    wow they think I’m one of ’em youngsters that are still under 70! cool!

    #641714

    moish01
    Member

    well how old would charlie brown be at the current moment?

    or is he like peter par who never grows up?

    #641715

    anonymisss
    Participant

    moish, don’t! or we’ll get this thread closed, too. Although I wouldn’t mind knowing what he looks like…..

    ~a~

    #641716

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    ha anonymiss- you really think moish knows what I look like? fat chance

    #641717

    an open book
    Participant

    & you have a more than 10 year age range. i think you’re safely anonymous 😉

    #641718

    squeak
    Participant

    areivim, I tried to dig it up but I can’t remember any key phrases you used. I’ll find it though.

    Charlie, you’re one of those who told us your age range.

    But to stay on topic, age doesn’t really matter. It’s just something people like to know about each other, like other trivia. Imagine banning Jewish geography at a party!

    #641719

    an open book
    Participant

    squeak: i think it matters less as you get older. in my situation, it’s not just another fact, it’s how you’re grouped for almost everything!

    #641720

    squeak
    Participant

    good point. But if one party is willing to be a mentee (not a real word), a great friendship can ensue.

    #641721

    anonymisss
    Participant

    ames, that makes sense, (your last post)

    ~a~

    #641722

    an open book
    Participant

    ames: yeah that makes sense. it kind of answers my post that never got posted 🙂 r u a mind-reader? or a mod??

    #641723

    beacon
    Participant

    Really squeak you think no one here is your age? (Do you also remember taking the trolley and fishing a sour pickle out of a wooden barrel for a nickel?)

    #641724

    an open book
    Participant

    well good job then 🙂

    #641725

    I’m younger than a lot of my friends. However, I’m wise beyond my years, so frequently, I end up being the mentor to those older than myself. However, I’ve noticed resistance. There’s a woman who was about 10 years my senior. She would be asking people around me for advice. I mean mamish asking everyone. However, I noticed that when I would give her my advice she would talk over me. She never heard what I had to say. I always suspected that she thought what did I know, as I’m so much younger than she.

    Michal

    #641726

    Phyllis
    Member

    Does age matter – very general…matter in terms of what type of relationship and how large the age gap. i find once i got married the pple I became friends with were mainly girls at my stage of the game, not depending on how old they are. When I got married some girls my age had 3-4 children, so our schedules were completely different as apposed to younger friends or even older ones who had also just gotten married, we were on the same page so to speak.

    #641727

    Michal bas Avraham, dont take this personally, I am sure you are very wise and mature, but I hope you are not being misled or fooled.

    When u speak about age mattering in terms of marriage, it has become more and more common for boys to date girls that are older than them, depending on how mature each party is. I have a cousin that married a boy 2 yrs her junior. It was quite unusual at that time, but this guy is a real educated business man, while she is softspoken and very fine, and when u’d see the 2 together, u could think he was her father!!

    #641728

    an open book
    Participant

    yes, i sometimes feel like giving advice/sharing my opinion with people older than me will make me look stuck-up, like who am i to think i am smarter than them?? but really that’s not what i’m thinking at all. i just don’t want it to come out that way.

    #641729

    an open book
    Participant

    mrs. beautiful: i’m a little confused. what did that have to do with what michal said??

    #641730

    I meant that it’s hard to believe that unless someone is a professional or a specialist pple dont usually turn to pple much younger than them for advice. Unless they are trying to make that person feel good. I dont know Michal bas Avraham, maybe her case is diff, but I just said I hope she is not being fooled.

    #641731

    oomis
    Participant

    Some wisdom comes with age, and some people become even more foolish as they age, because they are so stuck in their ways, they will not hear another opinion. I have learned a great deal from people who were much older, and i have likewise learned a great dealf rom thoise who were much younger. I learn new things from my almost 10 month old granddaughter all the time. Kinehora, she knows what is important, like the fact that having so many people love her and nurture her is her security. She responds in kind to that love. That is a lesson for life for all people.

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