December 1, 2014 1:31 am at 1:31 am #614369
#I’m writing out of a lot of pain right now,
I had a Rav I really respected but, because of some actions of his, I lost my respect for him.
And now, I have questions that need to be answered, but unsure where to turn.
Any idea of a rav that is reachable that I can talk to, and he’ll understand me?December 1, 2014 1:44 am at 1:44 am #1045124YW Moderator-29 👨💻Moderator
I care. I am so sorry and I am sure the right person will help provide you with the chizuk you need. Hang in there!December 1, 2014 1:52 am at 1:52 am #1045125
#thank you mod-29, I appreciate that…December 1, 2014 2:53 am at 2:53 am #1045126catch yourselfParticipant
We all care. We are your friends, and stand with you in your hour of need (to the extent that this is possible in an anonymous forum).
For what it’s worth, we share your pain.December 1, 2014 2:59 am at 2:59 am #1045128Letakein GirlParticipant
XoxoDecember 1, 2014 3:35 am at 3:35 am #1045129eekMember
Since you live “somewhere out there”, it is very hard to direct you to a Rav who might be within reasonable distance of you.December 1, 2014 3:43 am at 3:43 am #1045130☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
May Hashem give you the strength you need to get through this.December 1, 2014 4:00 am at 4:00 am #1045131
#Eek, I need someone who can guide me in this very complicated situation that I find myself in, with my boss, who used to be my rabbi, and would answer my questions, and point out ways for me. But over the course of time that I have worked for him, He has verbally abused me, and degraded me in so many ways, using the info that he knew about me. (specifically my lack of a father.)
And now, every day is another struggle, and more heartbreak, and, I have many shidduchim questions, and hashkafa questions with no one who can to direct them to…
So it boils down to, the fact that I need a moreh derech, who is reachable and knowledgeable who can make me feel secure in what I do in many areas.
Forgive me for rambling on…December 1, 2014 5:23 am at 5:23 am #1045132sm29Participant
That’s very sad, I’m sorry for your pain. I know a R’ Rosenblatt in Queens that is very nice B’H. I hope you find someone that can help you G-d willing. Kol tov
sorry, I’m assuming NY but I don’t know where you are. But may you find someone to help youDecember 1, 2014 6:40 am at 6:40 am #1045133Little FroggieParticipant
I used to be a Rabbi. Then I joined the CR…
(btw, there’s a specific issur, prohibition to cause pain to an orphan, or any disadvantaged individual. Not something to be taken lightly. Tell him I said)December 1, 2014 11:54 am at 11:54 am #1045135mobicoParticipant
I am saddened to hear of your painful situation. Are there any Shuls in your area in which you feel comfortable? Even if the Rabbi of such a Shul is not whom you seek (or if there is no Rabbi), perhaps someone there can make a recommendation.December 1, 2014 4:23 pm at 4:23 pm #1045136Shopping613 🌠Participant
Davening 4 you!December 1, 2014 7:12 pm at 7:12 pm #1045137oyyoyyoyParticipant
Terrible, just terrible. Is there a principal (male or female) or something from your BY that you can turn to you? Any mentors/role models?December 1, 2014 7:30 pm at 7:30 pm #1045138
#Eek, I just realized what you meant!
Wow! you’re good!December 2, 2014 2:54 pm at 2:54 pm #1045139Trust 789Member
You need a therapist, not a rabbi. You need to find someone who will help you learn how to make your own decisions. You need to find a therapist who can help you explore why you allowed your rabbi to verbally abuse you and degrade you. I’m not at all implying it was your fault. Rather for you own good, you need to explore how you can protect yourself from being abused by others. You need someone to help you realize your own value, and what kind of marriage partner would be good for you. You need someone to help you believe in yourself and be confident in the decisions you make.
Find a therapist. Not a rabbi. Maybe Relief organization can direct you to find a therapist.December 2, 2014 6:09 pm at 6:09 pm #1045140
#Trust, and everyone out there,
Thank you so much for your support.
So here’s my update, upon the advice of a good friend of mine, I called a specific torah Gadol. For days I was trying to get through to him, and then he scheduled a phone meeting with me for a certain hour. I called him then and did not get through for another 40 min.
When I did get through, He told me to speak my heart out. So i started telling him the situation and details and examples. Then he asked me who I was talking about, so I told him, and his answer, which still brings tears to my eyes, was “he’s a chashuve person, he means it as a joke, man up and hatzlacha.”
So i answered him, even if he isn’t joking, but he didn’t let me speak, and wished me well.
I am not easily made to cry, I hung up the phone and just cried and cried.
What has this world come to?
Just because he is “chashuv???!”
DO they know him on a personal level?!
I really understand victims of abuse who are not believed. bec one of the things that my Rabbi did tell me was that noone would believe me if I would day…
He’s 100 percent right!
I thank Hashem and my years of toughening up due to hardships, that my yiddishkeit is strong, because at that moment, I soo understood people who go off the derech.
Baruch Hashem my daddy in heaven watches over me, and directed me through a friend of mine to her brother who heard me out, completely validated my feelings, and gave me the strength to wake up this morning.
My message is, Please believe people when they have pain, and don’t ever tell them to man up, specifically if you don’t know their life challenges. I was given very concrete advice on how to handle it from a man that doesn’t have semicha, but truly cared.
Please don’t allow us to lose our faith in humanity.December 2, 2014 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #1045141🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
hashtagposter – I just went through the same earthshattering, mindblowing experience you did and it shook me down to me very foundation. (both your first problem, and your second) I said the exact same words you did as well, that if my yiddishkeit was not so strong due to so many hardships, I would have lost faith. It is sooo unbelievably painful, and I live in a town small enough for everyone to know exactly who I would be speaking about, so I can bearely even go to anyone for support. It has been an excruciating recovery, and I am not there yet. B”H you found someone, anyone, to validate your feelings. I am working hard on trying to figure out where to go for help to get through this without pulling someone else in (by sharing the information I have)so I can sleep at night.
Whatever the purpose for all of this, just be glad you arrived to the other side and think how strong you will be for the next person who comes along and needs help.
Much much much hatzlocha!December 2, 2014 7:23 pm at 7:23 pm #1045143
#I wonder if we are from that same small town…December 2, 2014 7:29 pm at 7:29 pm #1045144Trust 789Member
hashtagposter: I am really happy you found a friend who you can share your story with and get emotional support and validation. I actually wanted to suggest that in my first post, but forgot to post it.
There is one thing I want to add. When getting advice from anyone, use your own judgement. Even if it’s from someone you trust.
Hatzlacha rabba.December 2, 2014 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm #1045145oyyoyyoyParticipant
This brought tears to my eyes as well.
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