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So my brother was rejected by girl because we have no Yichus to speak of. My grandparents and greatgrandparents are/were very erliche but simple people. Her greatgrandfather was a big Rav (can’t say name-will give it away).I told my brother he got off easy, but I’m just wondering what you all think about it. How does it affect a marriage, really?
Yichus is a plus. And having very erliche grandparents and greatgrandparents is big yichus.
Too much emphasis on yichus, too little emphasis on the individual. I would rather marry an amazing person with no yichus vs. an ok/not so great person with yichus. Just because somebodies father is a big tzadik/Rabbi, does not mean their child is the same way. One would hope it would be that way, but not all children follow in the footsteps of their parents.
Yichus is nice, but being nice is a bigger yichus. Some very yichusdig names have produced children who were not particularly noteworthy. And some very poshut people, no money, no great learning, no nuthin’ special, produced a Rabbi Akiva. Yichus has to come from within, or it is false. I think your brother probably dodged a bullet. May he find his special zivug b’korov.
I’m descended from Adam ha-Rishon, and I wouldn’t let my daughter marry anyone who wasn’t.
The question to always ask in this type of situation is: What has the “yichus-blessed” individual achieved in their life besides being born from the right womb?
Yichus is NOT a proxy for one’s own accomplishments.
You may well find that there is an inverse correlation between the degree of yichus obsession and actual accomplishments!
I have a sister-in-law who is a great-granddaughter (different surname) of one of the gedolim of the last generation. When going out with my brother-in-law, she never mentioned her lineage! In fact, we found out (in passing) from a third party. That’s genuine yichus and more importantly CLASS!
All things being equal, if someone has yichus on top of their other maailos (compared to otherwise having the same maailos without yichus), having yichus is definitely a big plus.
Why is it a big plus? Are we not people enough to live our own lives and not our grandparents’ lives?
yichus is all under the ground
what use is it?
Seems like yichus has been given a bigger place in shidduchim than it ought to. Shameful that a boy should be rejected for the stated reason, but I do want to ask whether the young man in question felt it meant something to him to have a such a shidduch suggested to him?
If a girl had two choices in shidduchim, either Rav Moshe Feinstein’s son (coming from a long line of choshuve rabbonim) or another boy who has *all* (eidel, chein, looks, smarts, honest, nice) the same maailos as Rav Moshe’s son except that his father is a very honest cobbler the son of a very honest bricklayer, or a boy has a choice of either Rav Moshe’s daughter or the son of the aforementioned cobbler with all the same maailos, you think the yichus is meaningless? [Let’s even say Rav Moshe passed away before the shidduch.]
Yichus is more of an indicator of the maalos the person may have, rather than a real maaleh itself. Who is more likely to know shas backwards and forwards–Rav Moshe’s son, or some random guy’s son? Clearly the former. but if you faher them both then what matters is who really knows it better, and who should’ve known it better doesn’t really matter much at that point, does it.
Yichus is a great indicator, insofar as you are looking for the right thing. As nolongersingle points out, ehrliche grandparents is wonderful yichus (if you are looking for an ehrliche spouse).
The problem with that point is that it is meaningless. When people say they want yichus, they mean “IMPORTANT” yichus. Importance is not indicative of anything and I would argue that there is zero correlation between IMPORTANCE yichus and anything other than self-importance.*
*This is not to say that people with important yichus are self important. It is just to say there might be a tiny correlation because some people might use yichus to expand their self-importance.
yichus is a bunch of zeros. if a person makes himself “1” – as in, works on himself (middos, learning)to become some”one” then he can put the zeros after him and then yes, yichus can be worth something.
If a girl had two choices in shidduchim, either Rav Moshe Feinstein’s son (coming from a long line of choshuve rabbonim) or another boy who has *all* (eidel, chein, looks, smarts, honest, nice) the same maailos as Rav Moshe’s son except that his father is a very honest cobbler the son of a very honest bricklayer, or a boy has a choice of either Rav Moshe’s daughter or the son of the aforementioned cobbler with all the same maailos, you think the yichus is meaningless? [Let’s even say Rav Moshe passed away before the shidduch.]
Of course not. Since in this hypothetical, Rav Moshe’s son will have not lived up to his father, I would rather my daughter marry the one who worked on themselves to be come what they did over the one who could have been Rav Dovid or Rav Reuven but didn’t.
To use the Gemorah’s lashon, I’d rather Yayin Beinoni ben Yayin Beinoni over Yayen Beinoni ben Yayin Tov.
Why assume that having yichus means one’s own greatness is somehow less? The yichus is in addition to one’s own greatness.
You marry an individual not Yichus. It’s nice and everything, but if that is the reason someone marries, they will most likely regret it. Same as marrying for money.
You brother is lucky, the girl thinks too much of herself living on the backs of descendants who earned the yichus and not having her priorities straight.
gavra: Cute, but you’re assuming too much. Assume both became the best they could and both are talmidei chachomim of the highest order and both are godol material. The *only* difference is that one’s yichus is from a long line of Rav Moshe’s and the other’s yichus is from a long line of cobblers.
I don’t care what you stay. I still won’t let me kids go out with anyone who isn’t descended from Adam Ha-Rishon.
akuperma: Would you let your kids go out with anyone who is descended from Eisav or is that bad yichus?
Look at the first three blatt in mAseches Kidushin perek daled. Yes, yichus matters.
if you think yichus is important and will only marry based on someone’s yichus then you are a baal gaava jerk with mental issues.
Everyone marries using yichus as one of the criteria in choosing a spouse. You wouldn’t marry the son of an axe murderer, mamzer or non-Jew to take three examples.
If the mother is Jewish maybe yes.
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