November 12, 2013 4:44 am at 4:44 am #611253
you know when you have some nisayon that you struggle with, you’ve probably worked on it at least ten times in the past 3 years and you are back at square one or maybe square -1 and you just give up because you know that maybe you’ll make a kaballah and it may last a while but it’ll blow over as well. you know the “let me be really good” phase is coming, but you also know that the “wanna be bad” phase comes right after it. so theres just no point. because you’re not getting any further. and you know all the meshalim about the driftwood coming in with the tide, one step closer and 5 steps back and then 2 steps closer…. you’ve heard them all. problem is you’re not seeing it happen.
then what??November 12, 2013 7:12 am at 7:12 am #987046Burnt SteakParticipant
Whoomp there it is! And then you suddenly can overcome the struggle, because you wear a snugie and no one can tell you that snugies ain’t inNovember 12, 2013 12:56 pm at 12:56 pm #987047jewishfeminist02Member
Change your environment. Don’t put yourself in situations that you know will be challenging. If YOU have done everything you possibly can and you’re not seeing progress, don’t beat yourself up about it and don’t try to reinvent the wheel. There is no shame in avoiding a nisayon entirely rather than facing and conquering it.November 12, 2013 3:16 pm at 3:16 pm #987048🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
I agree with jf, and I would also add that it is possible that the nisayon is different than you think. If you can only conquer it by ‘being good’ and then you choose to ‘be bad’, perhaps you are looking at too great of a picture. Without knowing your situation it may be hard for me to explain but let me give an example and hope it works.
Let’s say you have given up davening. You used to daven well and for a period of time you have been angry or disconnected and yo udon’t want to speak to Hashem. One day you feel like you want to repair that rift. You decide that starting today, you are going to start davening! So you do, for a week. Then you have a bad day, or you are tired or angry, and you say, “Forget it. I can’t keep this up” Now you feel that you have messed up that nisayon. But maybe the nisayon was about setting realistic goals for yourself. Maybe you are someone who often takes an ‘all or nothing’ approach and Hashem wants you to learn to bite off little pieces and learn to live with small, incremental successes. He wants you to say, “I KNOW I need to start davening again, I will say brachos every morning and more if I feel I can do it” You think you should be davening it all, you are single and have time, but this small, realistic, doable chunk may have been all that Hashem REALLY wanted from you right now.
I hope that that is somehow useful/applicable. And either way, the fact that you care means you are one step ahead.November 12, 2013 3:30 pm at 3:30 pm #987049popa_bar_abbaParticipant
I once upon a time saw big piles of driftwood on the beach, but then figured out that it was really dried seaweed. Because seaweed washes up much better than driftwood apparently.
So if you aren’t drifting up as fast as you’d like, it’s just a sign that you aren’t seaweed.November 12, 2013 4:34 pm at 4:34 pm #987050Veltz MeshugenerMember
The point is not to “be”, the point is to “do”. It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. You’ve already accomplished all that time that you worked on things, and continuing to work on them is its own goal.November 12, 2013 4:55 pm at 4:55 pm #987051keepitcomingMember
its the yetzer hora talking.. dont be negative… keep on going!! sheva yipol tzadik vkom!! what makes a tzadik? someone who falls and keeps getting upNovember 12, 2013 5:09 pm at 5:09 pm #987052popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Agree with VMNovember 12, 2013 5:52 pm at 5:52 pm #987053☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Yes, VM is correct.November 12, 2013 5:58 pm at 5:58 pm #987054
Actually, the point is to do until you get to the point that you just are. To just be. But that’s a high level.November 12, 2013 6:16 pm at 6:16 pm #987055
In all probability you are probably not going about your recovery properly. If we are discussing an addiction then it is very important that you work with a specific tried and true method for getting over addictions whatever it is that you are dealing with you can’t do it alone and you probably should reach out to a Rabbi and or therapist to help you. Certain things just become such a habit that its really tough to change. You may not really want to change because you may not feel ready to give up this aveira. It gives you some sort of pleasure or escape that you feel that you need. When something gets in deeply be prepared for it to be hard and to hurt to get it out. For example if someone jabs a piece of splinted wood into your thigh and you try to pull it out a lot of flesh will come with it. Unfortunatelythat is how it wworks with ingrained habits. You have to be ready to work hard and sacrifice for it. You will be changing how you think, you may have to change a large part of your outlook on life and yiddishkiet. I’m not trying to discourage you but before going on a journey a person must plan accordingly and know what he will face otherwise he will never get there. If your gps is broken you’ll never get there so being informed on all aspectsof the journey is part of loading your gps with the correct address coordinates.November 12, 2013 6:18 pm at 6:18 pm #987056gavra_at_workParticipant
I agree with VM as well, but will add another point:
No one (including the RBSO) expects you to be perfect, that is why He created Teshuva. You should view each day as a new and separate battle, and every day that you pass as a major victory. Those days where you lose, Hashem knows that you tried and you really don’t want to do it – Teshuva.
Your Father is in the stands, cheering you on. Don’t get discouraged from a single loss after so many wins. And you get rewarded for effort, even when you lose.
On a practical note, create a geder for yourself. That way even if you go over the fence you still have a chance to stop yourself before any real action.November 12, 2013 6:45 pm at 6:45 pm #987057the-art-of-moiParticipant
burntsteak and popa- LOL!November 13, 2013 12:07 am at 12:07 am #987058
WIY- you made me laugh. an addiction? no. but it was a nice pep talk that we can refer others to.
I am trying to figure out why the name of my thread was changed. and I want to know why I was not consulted with first before it was.November 13, 2013 5:48 pm at 5:48 pm #987059
I’m sure there’s something in there you can use. I don’t know your problem and you may not know that it qualifies as an addiction. Not trying to convince you that you have an addiction, but you might.
They change the titles when they think it isnt descriptive enough. Or they do it to annoy us. Im vacillating between the two.November 14, 2013 2:52 pm at 2:52 pm #987060
I like symbolism. and changing my title to one step forward, two steps backward ruined any effect that “driftwood” would have had on anyone. especially after some other poster started his own thread with the same exact title. I want my money back.
And puh-lees, let people use their brains more. not everything has to be so explicit.
WIY- its not an addiction. ok? if I would tell you what it was, you would laugh at yourself. I am very self aware. I know what I struggle with, I know what the problem stems from…ok. no addiction here.November 15, 2013 3:27 pm at 3:27 pm #987061
ok wtvr mod, hope youre having funNovember 15, 2013 3:33 pm at 3:33 pm #987062the-art-of-moiParticipant
MODS- love the new thread title;)November 15, 2013 5:31 pm at 5:31 pm #987063
My brain is on vacation, what is this thread about?
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