dvar torah on parshas noach for wedding anniversary

I actually spoke at my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary Parshas Noach! The following is the dvar torah that I said.

By the way it also answers SCARED DRIVER DELIGHT’S Question…

(B’rishus my grandparents) – When I was asked to present a dvar torah for this special occasion, I asked myself, “what is the reason we “tie” words of Torah into a speech?” I want to suggest a possible reason. What gives someone like me a right to get up and speak at an event commemorating 50 years of marriage? I haven’t been married for 50 years; I haven’t been married even one year! Torah is something that relates to all people, and it brings the proper perspective of all occasions in life into focus. Therefore I feel that if I can present what the Torah says about marriage, then I have what to say at this event.

As I was going through Parshas Noach, I noticed that the Torah goes out of its way to include certain people when listing those who may enter the teiva. In perek 6; pasuk 18: “I will uphold my covenant with you, and you shall come to the teiva, you and your children, your wife and the wives of your children with you.” In perek 7; pasuk 7: “And Noach came, and his sons and his wife and the wives of his sons with him, to the teiva, etc.” And again in perek 7; posuk 13: “On that day Noach came, and Shem, Cham, and Yafes the sons of Noach, and the wife of Noach, and the wives of his sons, with him to the teiva.” Why does the Torah feel it necessary to go through the entire list of Noach’s family again and again? Why not condense it to “Noach and his family?”

The truth is that the pasuk itself is difficult to understand. The commentators ask, “If only Noach was a tzaddik, why then was the rest of his family saved?” The answer given is that in his merit they were saved. But one can still ask, “If Hashem was destroying the world why did he deem it necessary to keep the rest of Noach’s family?” Wouldn’t it have been better to have a fresh start with just Noach and not to bring along the pre-flood influences of his wife, children, and children’s wives? Hashem could have created a new family for Noach?

Perhaps these questions can be answered with the following: The gemara in Sotah (2a) states that a person recives their spouse based upon their actions. The gemara continues that paring them up is as difficult as the splitting of the Yam Suf. Asks the gemara: it is stated that 40 days before conception a heavenly voice calls out who will marry whom? Rashi explains that before a person is born his entire lot is decided with the exception of whether he will be a tzaddik or a rasha. If so what is the intention of the gemara’s statement, “only based on his actions?” The gemara answers that 40 days before conception, a person’s primary spouse is announced, but if they don’t merit their primary spouse, a secondary one is given based upon their actions. Rashi explains that the reason this is difficult like the splitting of the Yam Suf, is because it wasn’t this persons’ intended match.

I want to suggest that one can infer from this gemara that there is a tremendous power and ‘magic’ in a marriage. The gemara is implying that replacing ones’ intended spouse is comparable to the splitting of the Yam Suf. Perhaps the reason for this is that there is something so perfect and so ‘magical’ about a person’s original marriage partner, that replacing them necessitates a miracle no less impressive than the splitting of the Yam Suf.

The question is asked: “There is no way that all the animals could fit in the teiva, so why did Hashem have Noach build the teiva so big?” The answers given are in order for the people to see and do teshuva, and because Hashem tries to minimize miracles.

Perhaps this is the reason that Hashem spared the wife of Noach and the wives of his children despite their own lack of merit. There was something so perfect, so miraculous about their first marriages, that to replace them would have made necessary a great miracle, a miracle so great that in order to minimize the miracle Hashem kept Noach’s wife and children with their wives alive, despite the possible negative influences they might have on the new society!

In every marriage there lies a great miracle. However, Hashem hides this miracle behind nature, causing some people not to properly recognize it. This may be for the two reasons mentioned before: 1)To minimize the miracle 2) So everyone should be able to relate to the marriage, and to learn from it how to grow in their own lives.

I believe this is something that is represented in my grandparents’ marriage. The celebration of the anniversary is both in honor of the ‘magic’ of such a wonderful couple and in recognition of all that we learn from them as they continue to teach and inspire.

This is a celebration of the 50th anniversary. The mishna in Avos brings the different stages for different years in a persons life. This can also be applied to the years of marriage – as the couple brings up children through these same stages. “50,” says the mishna, “Is the age of advice,” – and 50 years of marriage is the age of advising on the way to live a proper marriage.

I have been very lucky, on a personal level, to experience my grandparents’ guidance and advice when I speak to them every week. Their caring love and support are an example for everyone.

My bracha is that they should continue to be an inspiration for many years to come, and see nachas from all their talmidim until the coming of Mashiach.

it is a lot easier to get peoples attention with inyana deyoma then some random sugya…

but…:

Regarding your pshat in the Gemara in Sotah, see http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/expanding-on-the-shidduch-crisis-math-catastrophe where benignuman and I debated it at length.

SDD- that’s what yeshiva world is for…