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Suppose you bake cookies for your husband, then bring a plate of them to your neighbor.
In exchange, your neighbor starts setting aside a plate when she bakes cookies.
But what if sometimes their cookies come out better than your cookies! So should you eat up all the cookies before he comes home, tell him you made them, or tell your husband that you can’t tell him who made them?
You’re kidding, T613, right?
Put your husband on a diet, this way you can eat all the cookies. Yours, and your neighbors.
My guess would be that she is kidding.
Give them to your husband, tell your hubby that the neighbor baked them, and if he tells you that hers are better, tell him that he needs to write for you a list of reasons why he loves you more than your neighbor, even though her cookies are better.
What kind of Chutzpa is that, to know that your neighbor bakes better cookies and not even bother to ask her to teach how to make cookies like hers!?
My guess would be that Haleivi is kidding.
Maybe sneak poison into the neighbors cookies.
Her cookies were better, huh? Dare you to say it now.
With popa_bar_abba you never know if he’s kidding.
The moral is that cookies are an inappropriate gift for a couple. Instead, the neighbor should give a recipe. That way if the cookies come out good, it’s because the wife is good at making cookies, and if not, it’s because it’s not a good recipe.
Or, or, you could just give cookies. That way if they are worse than his wife’s, he feels good about his wife. And if they are better than his wife’s then at least he has good cookies.
Good point.
What does this have to do with shana rishona?
I’m not in shana rishona and I still like cookies.
You aren’t? Did you try going to singles events?
Why? Do they have good cookies there?
You both need to face reality. You are not a good baker, and he is not worthy of one. At least he should be allowed to enjoy her cookies though!
OK enough about whos the better baker which husband is the better learner?
I once asked my wife why my neighbor’s wife is a better baker. She said he brings his wife more dough.
So what happens if I tell over my Pshat and once in a while I would stick in something from my Chavrusa, and she likes his Pshat better? Simple answer: as soon as you notice that it’s starting to sound too good, you add, “Ah, Veiberishe Torah.”
this is why we only have bakery cookies at home. the worst that will happen is that we will have to buy cookies from 2 different bakeries.
Torah
Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird and inappropriate that someone’s wife is baking cookies for someone else’s husband?
I don’t think it’s wise because if you tell her that your husband liked her cookies and he knows she made it it’s just not smart especially if this cookie baking happens often. It doesn’t smell right if you know what I mean. I’d put an end to it or just not give your husband the cookies. You are in shonoh rishona don’t give him excuses to compare you to yenems wife.
dass What does this have to do with shana rishona?
I’m not in shana rishona and I still like cookies.
well how do you manage the weight gain from them.?
so that’s why these shana rishona guys burst out. now i realize its those cookies from those yuppie apartment buildings. i always wondered why their stomachs always expand?
WIY,
Yes, you are the only one. Perhaps you should work on that.
well how do you manage the weight gain from them.?
It’s okay, I’m not in shana rishona. 🙂
BTW, ms, a while ago, you posted a question looking for a mareh makom. I found it, and posted it. Did you see that?
WIY, my septuagenarian neighbor sends over cookies every month for Shabbos mevorchim. Do you think it’s weird and inappropriate?
(actually, babka, but the point is the same)
Nothing is the same as babka nothing.
DaasYochid
Very bad comparison. Im talking about 2 young couples where at least one is in shonoh rishona.
Yes, but you are guessing about the other one, and about the type of relationship.
Agreed Goq agreed.
Most especially if it’s baked by a septuagenarian grandmother.
dass yochid – a mareh makom to which inyan??
??? ????
CRuzer
Maybe the rest of you should work on that.
DY
Its safe to assume we arent talking about older people but she can answer for us.
daas yochid – thanks
i am just seeing the teshuvah now , i hadent seen ur response until now
BTW – would u have any idea why rabbi wosner says in todays days the din might be more chamoor?
Maybe, but sending cookies, for example, as a welcome to a new neighbor, would also be fine, and I’m not sure why you’re imagining anything more than that.
What if he bakes better cookies then she does?
WIY – seriously?
Rebyidd what is shes a better learner?
WIY: So it’s ok for old people to not be tznius?
Popa, you could have addressed your question to me, since I’m the one who brought it up.
The answer, of course us no, but a lot of tznius is not about things that are inherently untznius, but about proper and wise gedarim. Generational difference is definitely an important factor in determining what level of relationship/friendliness is appropriate.
My issue with WIY’s comment was in assuming that Torah613’s neighbor’s sending cookies was in any way related to some kind of breach of proper gedarim. Age is but one of many ways that giving cookies would not be a breach.
“Torah
Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird and inappropriate that someone’s wife is baking cookies for someone else’s husband?
I don’t think it’s wise because if you tell her that your husband liked her cookies and he knows she made it it’s just not smart especially if this cookie baking happens often. It doesn’t smell right if you know what I mean. I’d put an end to it or just not give your husband the cookies. You are in shonoh rishona don’t give him excuses to compare you to yenems wife.”
Um…so wait…does this mean that one should never invite shabbos guests, or should only invite female shabbos guests? Because otherwise someone’s wife will be cooking/baking for someone else’s husband. I don’t see how a shabbos meal should be any different than a plate of cookies. In fact a shabbos meal is perhaps more intimate because the wife may be directly serving the other husband.
WIY – not just you, I felt the same way.
maskim WIY. if asking her husband about her isnt so halachacly simple, i think recieving cookies/her making cookies for friends husband is kinda dangerous. even from a non halachic stance i think its weird. And ya, lots of people dont have mixed couple meals expecialy if theyre both young
Um…so wait…does this mean that one should never invite shabbos guests, or should only invite female shabbos guests? Because otherwise someone’s wife will be cooking/baking for someone else’s husband. I don’t see how a shabbos meal should be any different than a plate of cookies. In fact a shabbos meal is perhaps more intimate because the wife may be directly serving the other husband.
Never is a very unforgiving word. Yes, though, mixed couple socializing can be dangerous and in many cases should be avoided.
jf2 – I think inviting a couple to join my husband and I for our meal is different than giving my husband cookies baked by someone elses wife. I don’t think it is wrong, I just think that there can be times when it is not so appropriate.
So now for the Psak: If you bake cookies for Mishloach Manos and you give them to a friend, especially a newly wed, you have to say, Al Menas Shelo Tehei Lebaalach Reshus Bah.
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