Empty

Very sorry to hear about your situation. May Hashem send you all you yesuah very very soon.

amen, your just not meant to yet, obviously it’s better for you this way 😉

happiest, you don’t have ‘nothing’, I’ve read quite a few of your posts, and you’re thoughtful and a great person with many fine qualities. One thought that helps me is what one of my friends told me, “Shidduchim are like clothes, sometimes one doesn’t fit you, but you’ll find one that does. There is a better one out there for you.” I also feel that way sometimes when I see girls that I knew from highschool with their multiple children and husbands, especially when I haven’t gone out in months, but I could never live their lives, and I’m happy with my life and the way Hashem is guiding me. Know that you have so much to offer whomever you marry, and you are no ‘less’ than them. You are just as precious to Hashem and have a tafkid that is just as important. Even though I don’t know your tehillim name, I will have you in mind.

im looking for a shidduch too..

smartcookie~ I know of a very similar story… we know the boy. (they recently had a baby, B’H.)

I hope my story can make some of u feel better.

I was also in shidduchim for a long time. I didnt meet too many boys and the ones I met I dated for a while, looked promising and then nothing. It was very hard. I used to work crazy long hours to get my mind off of shidduchim.

Pesach was coming up and I knew that it’ a major time for dating since the boys come home from EY, but I didnt have a single date, not before pesach and not chol hamoed.

A couple of days After Pesach I went to a shiur, and the speaker was talking to me. She spoke about Nisyonos and the light in every challenge. i left the shiur so inspired and with so much emunah. When I got home, my parents were sitting on the couch. They told me that new name had been mentioned (NEW NAME?!?! that exists?) The boy was going back to EY, so we had to find out fast.

To make a long story short, B”H we got engaged! I was his first girl. Like the rest of the stories here, I had to wait for him.

Boy am I glad I did!!

i think its a segulah to say ?? ???? on ????? of pesach. i used to try to say ?? ???? every day with a lot of kavanah, thinking that finding one’s ????? is ??? ?????? ?? ???. it would really help while i would imagine on the other side of the ?? ??? my ?????.

also, i know that this ????? is so difficult because you don’t know when it will end, but really it will end and you will see how everything all worked out together like in Aries’ story (and there are tons and tons of stories like that).

Good luck!

Also, reading ????? ??????, section on ?????? helped me a lot.

Keep strong. And let us know when you find the right person.

????? ? ???? ???

Been there – done that. I too started dating at 19 with the hopes I’d be married by 20. But guess what? It wasn’t meant to be. I dated for years. There were times I had a few calls a week, but more often, months went by with no suggestions. I, too, felt empty -VERY EMPTY. My whole high school class was married, so were my other friends – YES – I was the ONLY one left! My time clock was ticking away. I was sure I would never get married and have children, chas v’shalom. What a horrible thought!!!

But when Hashem knew the time was right, He sent me my bashert. We are married and have 3 wonderful children.

I know this is easier for me to say now, but really – DON’T GIVE UP! DON’T DESPAIR! Keep davening. Daven for other singles as well, even if you don’t have their names. Just have the kavanah.

I hope to hear great news from all of you very soon!

happiest PLEASE believe that H’ has your best interests at heart, and once you find your bashert you will see the ‘?? ? .

I’ll give you a beautiful example to help people who find themselves in what they think is a difficult situation, from Reb Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld ??”?. This can give people chizuk in any situation.

When ???? and ???? davened for children, they had to daven many many times over a long period.

??”? asks why did they have to daven & wait so long? He answers that H’ loves the ?????? of ?????? .

Reb Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld ??”? gives another most amazing answer.

We all know that ????? ????? was to have lived to age 180 years, but H’ shortened his life by 5 years so he shouldnt have to see ???? with his wicked ways. So if ???? and ???? would have had their ?????? for children answered earlier then ????? ????? would have had to be ???? even earlier ?”?. And this is obviously not what anyone would have wanted. So their ?????? WERE answered, just that only H’ knew when was the best TIME to answer them!!!

Another short and beautiful vort is as follows:

Imagine you are ???? ?????? watching over ??? in the basket in the Nile. You would obviously hope that nobody will discover him and he can lie peacefully and undisturbed. After a while you notice a group of riders and a chariot heading along the costal road. It is too far away to make out who it is, but you hope they will continue and not see you or the basket.

Suddenely they turn down towards the Nile. What would anyone do? Whip out a ????? and begin davening that they dont come down near your hiding place. You recognize wicked ????’s daughter with her soldiers and daven like never before that they should not find you.

With hindsight, you are davening for the worst possible outcome for ??? ?????! Because the whole ???? of the Yiden is dependant on ????’s daughter seeing the basket, rescuing ??? and bringing him up in ????’s palace! So we would all be unwittingly asking for the wrong thing. What we, with our limited vision, perceive as the worst case senario is in reality the best thing that could happen.

So just cos we daven and dont APPEAR to be answered, dont give up. Keep davening and leave everything to ‘?.

You just have to continue your hishtadlus. If you tried at syas and it didn’t help, change shadchanim. Every shadchan there is independent and they all know different people. You can change shadchanim as often as you want. I would also suggest emailing as many of the shadchanim as possible. They will all review your profile and look whom they know for you. I have found this to work.

Move out of New York. Actually, out of the whole New York area. Find a community where people know who you are and remember you once in a while. In NY people are so overwhelmed with their own personal issues that they have no time for people outside their own family.

I know many people who moved to NY to find shidduchim, but not so many who succeeded. In fact, one young person in my home town moved to NY but eventually moved back home in despair – to end up marrying someone from the next block, who’d been there all along :-). NY is too big – move somewhere human-sized.

Misery loves company…I hate the fact that I feel so at home in this thread….May we all find our bashert very soon!