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In regards to children, I read somewhere that besides telling children what to improve on, parents should also find something good the child did and compliment them, thereby letting them know they can be successful.
Another thing I came across, was a friend of mine telling me about her experience working with children. She told me about this kid, who like most kids in preschool, just want to do what they want. And so we decided that maybe if the child is given some control over like choosing the sticker she wants, or a book from the shelf, instead of the teacher choosing, then maybe she’ll be willing to follow the teacher more with other matters.
These two ideas can work with teens too. Complimenting the good things they do thereby encouraging them. And letting them make small choices so they can excersize their decision making.
Everyone needs encouragement. Children. Teens. Adults.
Some other names for “that positive energy” are self-worth, meaning, or subconscious.
encouragement has to come from the heart especially with teens ie: saying something nice to a teen just to make them feel good but somehow it feels forced. Kids see right through it. So find a specific behavior/action and then give the compliment like….Soraleh your picture is beautiful I especially like the way you stayed in the lines as opposed to Soroleh you color the best!! see the diff. She knows she might not be the best and you now made a fool of yourself. Shmuel Hanavi said it best intention is everything
A very good way of surrounding children with positive energy is teaching respect by showing respect and by using and incorporating the word “respect” in your conversation. When a child speaks to you and says that they did something or feel a certain way you can answer with “I respect that”. Also choose to use the words “appreciate and admire”. It means so much to a child to hear that a parent respects, admires and appreciates them. It helps to build their confidence and self esteem. When you use the word “proud” it means that you are satisfying your own need to be proud of your children and the child needs to make their parents proud of them. However when you use the other terms, it enforces a sense of self-satisfaction in the child.
When I was a kid the told me I had Attention Deficit Disorder, I was disordered, which meant I was broken. I got medicine that was supposed to fix me, it didn’t, to this day deep down I feel like I am disordered.
Today I am a very successful adult and I am DIFFERENT but not disordered. We must never use such language with children, and we must take it out of the medical language.
Hash-m has an order to everything, this is a NEW ORDER, it is MY ORDER, but Disorder, means broken or not functional. NOT FAIR to the kids.
One of the best ways to encourage succes is to support the child going in the direction they want.
For example I was criticised as a kid for not going outside and “playing with the neighborhood kids” who just wanted to be bullies and pot smokers.
I had no interest in that.
I wanted to read and study science and computers and electronics.
But I was harshly mistreated and forced into the things I did not want.
Now I have no real job skills and a lousy life.
If I had been encouraged in what I wanted I am quite certain I’d be one of these google or yahoo or ebay billionairs today.
If not from the internet then from real estate, or some other business since I had all kind of ideas (I still do, but now I have to work full time just to barely cover my rent and other expenses and back then I had much more time to work on my ideas as well as the energy of youth to persue them).
I heard on the Donny Deutsch show, called the “Big Idea” (not making any new shows anymore) about a fmily that had something like 8 kids and the oldest is like 14 and the youngest around 4 or so and 6 of the 8 are already making money (thousands of dollars in the summer, selling snacks at baseball games, for one of them) doing things they really enjoy because the parents encouraged them to do what the kids wanted.
They did not give them this garbage about how “that is not practical and you will never get anywhere by doing that”.
They encouraged them and the kids who all tried succeeded at doing what they wanted.
Encourage kids to succeed but be their sounding board to avoid the illegal “get rich quick” scams that too many people with no business acumen fall for.
sm29,
both of the things you mentioned in your first post about encouraging children are very valid. Rabbi Zecharya Greenwald discusses both of these things at length in his book “Preparing your Child for Success”. an interesting and worthwhile read.
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