June 26, 2011 3:17 am at 3:17 am #597629popa_bar_abbaParticipant
I have a beef.
In this weeks final edition, the daughter is afraid that guys will not want to date her because of her family situation. (Abusive father, separation.) The grandmother and her talk about how ridiculous society is in this regard.
But wasn’t the whole point of the entire story that family does influence how we people act as adults?
Motti was abusive because his father was abusive. Abused kids are much more likely to be abusive adults.
It is highly likely that the sons in the story will be abusive fathers, like motti.
So isn’t the point of the story that society is correct? Why is the author making fun of the the thinking that she wrote an entire serial to vindicate?June 26, 2011 3:21 am at 3:21 am #780456deiyezoogerMember
The whole story was a little “parve”, going back and forth trying not to be too controvesiol.June 26, 2011 3:23 am at 3:23 am #780457
Good point abba.June 26, 2011 3:24 am at 3:24 am #780458UnderstandMember
Didn’t like the ending at all. Thought it was abrupt and interesting. I wonder if they (mishpacha) had to end it suddenly because of pressure. (They did that in the past, if I remember correctly.)June 26, 2011 3:26 am at 3:26 am #780459deiyezoogerMember
When a story goes on for too long at some point they will just say “ok thats enough”.June 26, 2011 3:26 am at 3:26 am #780460
How would you know if they did something under pressure, currently or in the past? It’s not like they would’ve publicized it.June 26, 2011 3:46 am at 3:46 am #780461hello99Participant
when “hearts of gold” came out as a book. it had a different ending than the serialJune 26, 2011 3:59 am at 3:59 am #780462ShrekMember
The story went for a “safe” ending. It’s not a “happily ever after” situation, but they have ground rules that will hopefully help the marriage work better.
I think the author wanted to give hope to women who are in abusive marriages. I just wonder if it is actually realistic to think that abusive men can change their personalities. Do most even have the desire to change? Are they willing to see themselves as the one who needs help?
I thought the author did well, especially considering the fine lines and sensitivites involved in writing for a frum magazine.June 26, 2011 4:02 am at 4:02 am #780463am yisrael chaiParticipant
“Abused kids are much more likely to be abusive adults.”
OR abused. Studies show that both are realistic possibilities. And this is in cases where there is no intervention or counseling.
This make a huge difference.June 26, 2011 4:06 am at 4:06 am #780464s2021Member
wow am u just read and posted my mind 🙂
I was about to say just thatJune 26, 2011 4:12 am at 4:12 am #780465nystatetrooperParticipant
Actually I find that Riva is an amazing writer and my favorite book is actually one that she wrote (breaking point)but I find that all of her storys touch sensitive issues for example kids at risk separation and so forthJune 26, 2011 4:16 am at 4:16 am #780466ShrekMember
intervention makes a difference. hopefully the boys learn that it is not OK to abuse, & the daughter learns that she does not have to be a victim.
In this story the daughter has good role models (both mother & grandmother) which is an important protective factor. If she ever decides to get married, she will know that abuse is unacceptable & she will know how to get help if her husband is abusive.
what about the boys? they saw their father get away with abusive behavior for many years until their mother demanded change. so will they end up thinking that abuse is OK as long as the wife tolerates it? Or will they learn that it’s never OK to treat your wife badly?June 26, 2011 5:16 am at 5:16 am #780467Still lookingParticipant
If an important purpose of the story was to raise an awareness of abuse in our community, than I really think it was a mistake to keep the wife in the relationship. I’m sure there are women in abusive marriages who, like Gila in the story, are not strong enough to get out. And when they read this story, it made them believe that their husbands will change and they should just stick it out.
I’m sorry to say but most people with abusive tendencies DO NOT CHANGE or if they do, it takes many long years. It is an exception for someone to make a complete abrupt turnaround. I sincerely hope that no women take an example from Gila. If you are in an abusive relationship GET OUTTTTT! DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE KIDS! DON’T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING! JUST GET OUT!June 26, 2011 6:10 am at 6:10 am #780468
It’s good that in the end she stayed married of course, but the entire situation reeked of fiction and aberrant.June 26, 2011 10:48 am at 10:48 am #780469m in IsraelMember
shein — Actually in the past they did publicize it. When the “Hearts of Gold” serial ended somewhat abruptly they ran a whole column discussing the various reactions pro and con they were getting, and why they decided to end it.
Riva’s last serial “Shattered Glass” changed direction very sharply in the middle (the main character’s emunah issues instead became OCD, and the story shifted to focus on the wife’s relationship with her mother-in-law). There, too, they wrote a follow up explaining that they made certain decisions and changes on the advice of Daas Torah.
At the end of this story there is a line at the bottom saying that they would like to hear people’s opinions on the story, so I am guessing they are planning to do a follow up article on this one as well.June 26, 2011 12:38 pm at 12:38 pm #780470golden momMember
The last story she wrote for mishpacha was also controversial and she wrote in the end she had to end fast and not the way she wanted to cuz there were to many letters of complaints that it shouldn’t be in such a magazine….while she did say before they write these stories the speak to rabbanim about problems in our communities
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