Engagement

Home Forums Shidduchim Engagement

Viewing 32 posts - 1 through 32 (of 32 total)
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  • #607993
    blackhatwannabe
    Participant

    Is four months too early or rushed to get engaged?

    #952345
    Naysberg
    Member

    It’s too long.

    #952346

    I would say minimum 22 years for a boy, 19 years for a girl. Four months is too young.

    #952347
    rebdoniel
    Member

    If you can see yourself married to this person and spending eternity with them, if you know it, you know it, and should move forward.

    Some people know this after a few dates; maybe it takes others a few months.

    #952348
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    not fast enough.

    #952349

    That sounds like a very long time to me. I think for me it was more like 6 weeks – don’t remember exactly.

    In any case, it depends on how many dates you had of course. Did you meet 3x per week, or 2x per month?

    We met, I *think* (not sure), something like 12 times before we decided.

    #952350

    If the parties are not comfortable with their decision, then it is too soon. If they are comfortable with their decision, then it is not too soon.

    #952351

    I got engaged in 3 weeks. πŸ™‚

    #952352
    SaysMe
    Member

    nope. If you both feel ready and sure of yourselves, don’t wait for no reason!

    #952353
    Yserbius123
    Participant

    It can be both or neither. I know one thing for certain, asking random strangers on the Internet who have no clue about your personal situation will not give you the answer.

    #952354
    WIY
    Member

    You dated a girl for four months?

    Under most circumstances especially in the Yeshivish velt that is way too long. But with older people dating, or divorcees…longer dating is more normal and accepted. However four months if they see each other more than 2x a week is a lot in all circumstances me thinks.

    #952355
    PBT
    Member

    That depends on the progress of your relationship with the prospective Kallah. It’s something you should probably consult with your Rov or Rosh Yeshiva about, and/or her Rosh Bais Yaakov. My wife and I got engaged after 5 months of dating. Believe it or not, most people were telling us that was too long. Moral of the story: You need to get sound advice from someone who knows you and who can give you sound advice based on his knowledge of you. It’s not a subject to be taken up with a mob, including over an internet website.

    #952356
    kodesh
    Participant

    Get lost!

    You know you are going to get a mixed range of views – why did u bother asking! Do you not have any mentors, friends?

    No-one could possibly be able to answer that withot knowing u.

    What a dumb question!

    #952357
    Curiosity
    Participant

    It depends.

    #952358
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I actually misread the question. I thought he was asking how long the engagement should be.

    #952359
    Naysberg
    Member

    The engagement should be as short as possible. (Unless you are Chasidish and will not be seeing your fiance.)

    #952360
    WIY
    Member

    Popa

    So you think engagements should be under 4 months? I hear that. What do you think is the perfect length of time for engagement?

    #952361

    WIY,

    Typically, engagements in yeshivish circles are 2 1/2 – 3 1/2 months – they should be as short as possible to leave time to prepare for the chasunah.

    #952362
    Kozov
    Member

    I was engaged for 2 months. But that’s just me.

    #952363
    oomis
    Participant

    I became engaged 36 years ago on Tu B’Shvat, and we were married the following Sivan. It worked for us.

    #952364

    I was engaged for 2 months. But that’s just me.

    Not your wife?

    #952365
    MorahRach
    Member

    I was engaged for 6 months. Everyone is different. There is no fast rule here. Yes in the yeshivish circles dating and engagements are quite short, but you do what is right for you, not what random people in the CR did.

    #952366
    frummy in the tummy
    Participant

    DY – on the ball today!

    #952367

    Thanks, fitt.

    I thought that since it takes less time for a boy to get ready for the chasunah, they get married first, and that we’ve finally discovered the real reason for the shidduch crisis. πŸ˜‰

    #952368
    yitayningwut
    Participant

    lol DaasYochid I have to concur with fitt

    #952369
    yeshivish7
    Member
    #952370
    frummy in the tummy
    Participant

    yeshivish – No offense meant, but I’m pretty sure that’s absolutely ridiculous. Are you suggesting that unsuccessful marriages occur because the partners knew too MUCH about each other going in, and had they only decided to marry each other earlier in the dating process, they would have much more successful marriages??

    Although there may be a correlation between longer dating periods and divorce rate, I find it hard to believe that it is for the reason you have stated. The only conclusion one can make based on such a statistic (if it exists) is that people who date for a longer time are more WILLING to divorce. It doesn’t even prove that people who date for a shorter time have more successful marriages or are happier together – there are plenty of couples who are unhappy together but don’t divorce.

    #952371

    No offense meant, but I’m pretty sure that’s absolutely ridiculous.

    It’s not absolutely ridiculous, but it’s more an effect than a cause.

    I would imagine that those with higher expectations would date for longer to make sure those expectations are met. Those with less demanding expectations, who just want to make sure there’s some emotional compatibility and common hashkofos, probably don’t feel the need to drag it on.

    #952372

    From the diversity of opinions in this topic, it seems pretty clear the the gedolim should issue guidelines. Otherwise, people will just decide willy-nilly how long they should date before engagement and how long they should be engaged before marriage. Even worse, what happens if they disagree? If there were clear guidelines, then we would save a lot of strife and start many marriages on the right foot.

    #952373

    From the diversity of opinions in this topic, it seems pretty clear the the gedolim should issue guidelines. Otherwise, people will just decide willy-nilly how long they should date before engagement and how long they should be engaged before marriage.

    Or they’ll decide based on individual circumstances.

    #952374
    sm29
    Participant

    I think it depends on the couple. Some people figure it out quickly. Others, need time to figure it out.

    #952375
    oomis
    Participant

    Stop asking us, and decide what is good for YOU!

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