January 28, 2013 7:29 pm at 7:29 pm #607993blackhatwannabeParticipant
Is four months too early or rushed to get engaged?January 28, 2013 7:38 pm at 7:38 pm #952345NaysbergMember
It’s too long.January 28, 2013 7:40 pm at 7:40 pm #952346
I would say minimum 22 years for a boy, 19 years for a girl. Four months is too young.January 28, 2013 7:42 pm at 7:42 pm #952347rebdonielMember
If you can see yourself married to this person and spending eternity with them, if you know it, you know it, and should move forward.
Some people know this after a few dates; maybe it takes others a few months.January 28, 2013 7:45 pm at 7:45 pm #952348popa_bar_abbaParticipant
not fast enough.January 28, 2013 7:48 pm at 7:48 pm #952349
That sounds like a very long time to me. I think for me it was more like 6 weeks – don’t remember exactly.
In any case, it depends on how many dates you had of course. Did you meet 3x per week, or 2x per month?
We met, I *think* (not sure), something like 12 times before we decided.January 28, 2013 7:51 pm at 7:51 pm #952350Veltz MeshugenerMember
If the parties are not comfortable with their decision, then it is too soon. If they are comfortable with their decision, then it is not too soon.January 28, 2013 7:54 pm at 7:54 pm #952351Pro Israel and OrthodoxMember
I got engaged in 3 weeks. 🙂January 28, 2013 8:02 pm at 8:02 pm #952352SaysMeMember
nope. If you both feel ready and sure of yourselves, don’t wait for no reason!January 28, 2013 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm #952353Yserbius123Participant
It can be both or neither. I know one thing for certain, asking random strangers on the Internet who have no clue about your personal situation will not give you the answer.January 28, 2013 8:15 pm at 8:15 pm #952354WIYMember
You dated a girl for four months?
Under most circumstances especially in the Yeshivish velt that is way too long. But with older people dating, or divorcees…longer dating is more normal and accepted. However four months if they see each other more than 2x a week is a lot in all circumstances me thinks.January 28, 2013 8:38 pm at 8:38 pm #952355PBTMember
That depends on the progress of your relationship with the prospective Kallah. It’s something you should probably consult with your Rov or Rosh Yeshiva about, and/or her Rosh Bais Yaakov. My wife and I got engaged after 5 months of dating. Believe it or not, most people were telling us that was too long. Moral of the story: You need to get sound advice from someone who knows you and who can give you sound advice based on his knowledge of you. It’s not a subject to be taken up with a mob, including over an internet website.January 28, 2013 9:01 pm at 9:01 pm #952356kodeshParticipant
You know you are going to get a mixed range of views – why did u bother asking! Do you not have any mentors, friends?
No-one could possibly be able to answer that withot knowing u.
What a dumb question!January 28, 2013 9:14 pm at 9:14 pm #952357CuriosityParticipant
It depends.January 28, 2013 10:00 pm at 10:00 pm #952358popa_bar_abbaParticipant
I actually misread the question. I thought he was asking how long the engagement should be.January 28, 2013 10:48 pm at 10:48 pm #952359NaysbergMember
The engagement should be as short as possible. (Unless you are Chasidish and will not be seeing your fiance.)January 28, 2013 11:42 pm at 11:42 pm #952360WIYMember
So you think engagements should be under 4 months? I hear that. What do you think is the perfect length of time for engagement?January 28, 2013 11:53 pm at 11:53 pm #952361
Typically, engagements in yeshivish circles are 2 1/2 – 3 1/2 months – they should be as short as possible to leave time to prepare for the chasunah.January 29, 2013 3:04 am at 3:04 am #952362KozovMember
I was engaged for 2 months. But that’s just me.January 29, 2013 3:49 am at 3:49 am #952363oomisParticipant
I became engaged 36 years ago on Tu B’Shvat, and we were married the following Sivan. It worked for us.January 29, 2013 4:17 am at 4:17 am #952364
I was engaged for 2 months. But that’s just me.
Not your wife?January 29, 2013 4:24 am at 4:24 am #952365MorahRachMember
I was engaged for 6 months. Everyone is different. There is no fast rule here. Yes in the yeshivish circles dating and engagements are quite short, but you do what is right for you, not what random people in the CR did.January 29, 2013 4:32 am at 4:32 am #952366frummy in the tummyParticipant
DY – on the ball today!January 29, 2013 12:57 pm at 12:57 pm #952367
I thought that since it takes less time for a boy to get ready for the chasunah, they get married first, and that we’ve finally discovered the real reason for the shidduch crisis. 😉January 29, 2013 4:48 pm at 4:48 pm #952368yitayningwutParticipant
lol DaasYochid I have to concur with fittJanuary 30, 2013 6:20 am at 6:20 am #952369yeshivish7ParticipantJanuary 30, 2013 5:49 pm at 5:49 pm #952370frummy in the tummyParticipant
yeshivish – No offense meant, but I’m pretty sure that’s absolutely ridiculous. Are you suggesting that unsuccessful marriages occur because the partners knew too MUCH about each other going in, and had they only decided to marry each other earlier in the dating process, they would have much more successful marriages??
Although there may be a correlation between longer dating periods and divorce rate, I find it hard to believe that it is for the reason you have stated. The only conclusion one can make based on such a statistic (if it exists) is that people who date for a longer time are more WILLING to divorce. It doesn’t even prove that people who date for a shorter time have more successful marriages or are happier together – there are plenty of couples who are unhappy together but don’t divorce.January 30, 2013 6:14 pm at 6:14 pm #952371
No offense meant, but I’m pretty sure that’s absolutely ridiculous.
It’s not absolutely ridiculous, but it’s more an effect than a cause.
I would imagine that those with higher expectations would date for longer to make sure those expectations are met. Those with less demanding expectations, who just want to make sure there’s some emotional compatibility and common hashkofos, probably don’t feel the need to drag it on.January 30, 2013 7:56 pm at 7:56 pm #952372Veltz MeshugenerMember
From the diversity of opinions in this topic, it seems pretty clear the the gedolim should issue guidelines. Otherwise, people will just decide willy-nilly how long they should date before engagement and how long they should be engaged before marriage. Even worse, what happens if they disagree? If there were clear guidelines, then we would save a lot of strife and start many marriages on the right foot.January 30, 2013 8:23 pm at 8:23 pm #952373
From the diversity of opinions in this topic, it seems pretty clear the the gedolim should issue guidelines. Otherwise, people will just decide willy-nilly how long they should date before engagement and how long they should be engaged before marriage.
Or they’ll decide based on individual circumstances.May 9, 2013 10:00 pm at 10:00 pm #952374sm29Participant
I think it depends on the couple. Some people figure it out quickly. Others, need time to figure it out.May 12, 2013 4:32 am at 4:32 am #952375oomisParticipant
Stop asking us, and decide what is good for YOU!
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