December 17, 2013 8:38 am at 8:38 am #611587
Some people Baruch Hashem are able to find someone quickly and start a family, while for others it takes time. There are some things that couples in general should know in order to keep the relationship strong.
Communicate what you need and want, listen to each other and be open to working things out.
Appreciate each other and show it or say it.
Find a little time to spend together, this is especially hard when you have kids, but neccessaryDecember 17, 2013 7:11 pm at 7:11 pm #1056794Torah613TorahParticipant
So is this advice for young couples, or couples generally?December 17, 2013 7:14 pm at 7:14 pm #1056795miritchkaMember
sm29: I think this applies to everyone.December 17, 2013 7:16 pm at 7:16 pm #1056796YW Moderator-73Moderator
I’m trying to figure out if there is a relationship between the first and second sentences of the OPDecember 17, 2013 7:31 pm at 7:31 pm #1056797YW Moderator-29 👨💻Moderator
I got stuck on the same thought.December 17, 2013 7:34 pm at 7:34 pm #1056798miritchkaMember
Threw me off too.December 17, 2013 7:43 pm at 7:43 pm #1056799DaMosheParticipant
Captain Obvious!!!February 4, 2014 6:19 am at 6:19 am #1056800YW Moderator-42Moderator
The Mesilas Yesharim also states “the obvious”. But as the author mentions in the introduction, sometimes it is necessary to restate the obvious over and over.
I am also wondering what the first sentence has to do with the rest of the OP.February 4, 2014 7:36 am at 7:36 am #1056801
In the first sentence, I meant some find someone at 18, while others wait longer. But in any case, it’s good to remember these tips for a strong marriage.February 4, 2014 12:20 pm at 12:20 pm #1056802
I have another kashya. The OP only says “Baruch Hashem” about those who find their bashert very quickly and start a family. If anything, though, someone who waited and were then able to start a family would feel more grateful, and shout “Baruch Hashem” with every fiber of their being!
So, my sweetest friends, I will share with you that I think the OP is saying something deep – very, very deep.
We know in Chassidus it says that ugly people have more yiras shomayim. Of course the lamed vov tzaddikim, who know the secret of being real, see people with yiras shomayim as exquisitely beautiful, but as for the rest of us, who ate a big breakfast in the Rennaisance (or at least have a big breakfast waiting for us), they’re hideous.
So I think what the holy OP is telling us is that people who lack yiras shomayim, who tend to get married right away, can still have a good marriage if they learn to always say Baruch Hashem.
And the chiddush of the seifa (give me harmony, hold on the last note) is that even the holy, holy people with such awesome yiras shomayim that it takes them a bit longer to get married, also need tips from the OP to keep their marriage strong.February 4, 2014 10:43 pm at 10:43 pm #1056803
Anyway, sorry for throwing people off about the ages. I was probably trying to point out that younger people might not know what older people do and so I was giving tips that really apply to any couple 🙂
Spend time togetherFebruary 5, 2014 3:55 am at 3:55 am #1056804Torah613TorahParticipant
Thanks for the advice.
Tonight, I communicated: Why haven’t you taken out the garbage?
Then I appreciated: I really appreciate that you took out the garbage last week
We had to spend time together in order for me to tell him this.February 5, 2014 5:01 am at 5:01 am #1056805popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Tonight, I also communicated: You made the garbage, you take it out.
Then I appreciated: Thanks for peeling those potatoes into the garbage.
It’s because I wanted to spend time together rather than take out the garbage.February 5, 2014 5:46 am at 5:46 am #1056806HaLeiViParticipant
Daas, thanks. I completely missed that message.February 5, 2014 6:14 am at 6:14 am #1056807
No problem, HaLeiVi, that’s what I’m here for. 🙂February 5, 2014 6:26 am at 6:26 am #1056808🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
HaLeiVi – I’m surprised. It seemed pretty obvious to me.February 5, 2014 7:21 am at 7:21 am #1056809
This thread needs some ketchup, maybe some mayonnaise a bitFebruary 7, 2014 5:54 am at 5:54 am #1056810
Tonight I communicated that I appreciate the fact that we don’t spend time with each other.
Two out of three is pretty good, I think.
(She didn’t think so, though. I’m not sure why.)
Seriously, though, good advice from the OP.January 30, 2015 8:14 pm at 8:14 pm #1056811FFBBT613Member
I think its very important to remember also that just as you’re not the same person you were when you were first married- same story with your partner. It’s very important to reconnect.January 30, 2015 9:11 pm at 9:11 pm #1056812
If the couple love each other they will always love each otherFebruary 1, 2015 10:18 am at 10:18 am #1056813
True, but couples should make sure to keep their relationship strong by finding a little quality time to spend togetherFebruary 1, 2015 1:59 pm at 1:59 pm #1056814
Rema was that a serious post? if so i have to say i cant disagree more people change sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse and if for the worse than obviously the esteem from their spouse would wane.February 1, 2015 2:39 pm at 2:39 pm #1056815
TheGoq Not if they truly love each other they will always no matter what hardship come there way they will always love each otherFebruary 1, 2015 2:55 pm at 2:55 pm #1056816
Love and respect are two different things perhaps the love will always be there in some form but once the respect is gone the love will wane.February 1, 2015 3:31 pm at 3:31 pm #1056817
TheGoq love supersedes respectFebruary 1, 2015 3:38 pm at 3:38 pm #1056818
If a person once they get married changes their personality or hid their real personality during the dating process and they start to act as a totally different person do you really think that the spouse should love a person who deceived them so?February 1, 2015 6:11 pm at 6:11 pm #1056819
TheGoq 100% yesFebruary 1, 2015 6:37 pm at 6:37 pm #1056820
yes what rema?February 1, 2015 9:14 pm at 9:14 pm #1056821
The Goq that love can over come even a lieFebruary 1, 2015 10:27 pm at 10:27 pm #1056822👑RebYidd23Participant
But even if people do love each other, there’s no guarantee that they won’t hate each other at the same time.February 1, 2015 11:48 pm at 11:48 pm #1056823JosephParticipant
You mean it might be a love/hate relationship?February 2, 2015 12:15 am at 12:15 am #1056824
Lior love always over comes hate evey timeFebruary 2, 2015 7:53 am at 7:53 am #1056825profound101Participant
Rema: You need some real life experienceFebruary 2, 2015 1:14 pm at 1:14 pm #1056826
profound101 u got life?February 2, 2015 7:46 pm at 7:46 pm #1056827Z-ZONEMember
Rema711 are your opinions based at all on actual marriage experience? Just wondering…
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