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I am so old and so wise, won’t someone please ask me for advice? Make an old lady happy.
why are you on the web tumah? its not healthy for an old lady or anyone for that matter
Mashaiach; Why are YOU here?
How would you solve the Shidduch Crisis.
“Mashaiach; Why are YOU here?”
That’s easy. He was sent on a mission from God to save all of us.
He happens to be doing a fantastic job.
Oh wise woman, (may you live till 153) how could I get ???? ??????
And how would I share that with others?
Your humbleness
thebabbler Of course there is no Shiddich Crisis in the next world I was talking about down here on earth. In the next world it’s too late, the purpose of marriage is to have children which you can’t do if you are dead. Maybe I am asking too much perhaps you can advise me how to eradicate divorce from the Frum Jewish Community, after all aren’t you all about PEACE ON EARTH so you should be all for peace between husband and wife or do I got you mixed up with someone else.
“The amazing and beautiful thing about us women is that we melt like wax as soon as you are even a little kind again”
True. Go us!
Eclipse -“The amazing and beautiful thing about us women is that we melt like wax as soon as you are even a little kind again, thus men being given a million chances to make amends when they should have been dumped long ago”
The question I have – why did you marry him in the first place?
“1.because when there is stuff to hide everyone suddenly becomes very into shmiras haloshon.”
Just want to point out a technical point (for the sake of our readership who may get the wrong impression): If someone was supposed to tell you something and didn’t, they were not keeping Hilchos Shmiras Halashon – they were transgressing it!
Eclipse -“very simple: 1.because when there is stuff to hide everyone suddenly becomes very into shmiras haloshon”
You should have married me! Oh well!
By me it was just the opposite, anything bad and even Motzay Shem Ra, they were eager to speak about me!
I am sorry if I offended you, I didn’t know you were divorced. As to the Shiddich Crisis 40 days before a child is born it is decreed who it should marry. Here on earth it is harder to find who you are preordained to marry. There is no sign saying that she belongs to so and so which is why there is a crisis.
As far a Loshan Horah is concerned a lot depends as to was asked for example if you asked did X kill Y then you must answer truthfully, but if asked how was their relationship you can claim you don’t know. It all depends how it’s interpreted.
I need hours in direct patient care (particularly for mental health patients) and psychology research. I think. I want to do it in Israel and I want to make money doing it, preferably. Please advise, oh righteous babbler. Thank you.
How can I meet my other half without going on a shidduch date, since I can’t do those?
LU: Torah classes. Shul. Maybe shabbatons… friends of friends
“Lilmod: please define “can’t”,
For the past several years, I have found it exceedingly difficult (or impossible) to find time for dating. I am not a multi-tasker, and since my financial situation is complicated and unlike most single girls I have basically had to be self-supporting from a relatively young age, all my time and energy has had to go into trying to make ends meet. Most of the time, all of my time and energy is not even enough for that so I certainly have none left for dating.
In case you haven’t noticed, I am a focused intense type of person – the type who puts her all into everything she does, and NOT the type who multi-tasks. Therefore, dating for me is something that takes a lot of time and energy, and I can’t do both (dating and supporting myself). I have a friend who has the opposite personality of me – she is a multitasker and not intense. She goes out a lot because she has no problem fitting in dating and working and doing chesed and having a social life. I can not do that! And the truth is that I’m not sure that her way is the best way. I think it’s possible that part of the reason she is not married yet MAY be because she is not focused enough on each date. In any event, I am not like that and can’t be like that, so it’s irrelevant which way is better.
I actually moved back home recently, partially because I was hoping it would make it easier for me to date. Since rent is the big headache when it comes to finances, not having to worry about rent makes a tremendous difference. However, I still have a lot of responsibilities.
Additionally, there have been a lot of things happenning in my family since I moved home, so my time and energy had to go into helping my family. I am hoping that after Yomtov, things will be a bit easier. However, not only have I not lived at home for many years, I have not even been living in the same COUNTRY as my family so it is a big adjustment, and I am concerned that trying to deal with living with my family will be consuming most of my energy. Plus, I still have a lot of responsibilites from work that was not completed when I was living on my own, plus a new job I am starting in addition to my regular job, etc.
Additionally, the fact that I haven’t gone out in a while means that starting to do so again will be very stressful and require a tremendous amount of energy and since I am already dealing with so much stress (living with my family and taking care of all my other jobs and responsibilites), I am concerned that I will not be able to do it.
The last time that I was supposed to go out, I had to cancel the date twice in a row because I got sick. The second time I cancelled, the guy was already on the bus. I really tried hard not to cancel even though the room was spinning, but I had no choice because every time I tried to stand up, I kept throwing up and couldn’t stop, so it was kind of dangerous. It turned out I had some kind of ear virus, and I was worried that it was psychological because I was stressed out about taking away time that I would normally have been working in order to go out. My friend claims that you can’t bring an ear virus on yourself, but I don’t believe that.
In any case, it was extremely mortifying and I felt really bad about it, and I am really nervous about having to cancel a date again because I think it is a really bad thing to do!! And I have found that things like this happen a lot to me, and I don’t want it to happen again!!! It is both mortifying and rude!
Single events are easier, because it doesn’t matter if you cancel or are late, so there is much less pressure. Also, it is a one-time thing, whereas with a date, you usually feel like you have to go out a second time. I like Joseph’s suggestion to Sparkly of an arranged marriage, but I have no one whom I trust to arrange a marriage for me, and that is really not happenning!!
I think the Shabbos meal idea is an excellent idea, but my friends and acquaintances don’t do those things. I have however started an unofficial campaign to try to convince people to do so. I think that type of thing would work much better for me.
Basically, what I would want is a way of meeting guys that is fun and non-stressful. It is much easier to find time for things that are funa and not stressful.
The Talmud relates that there was a drought and there was a man named Choni and he davened to Hashem and drew a circle and wouldn’t leave the circle until all the cisterns were full. Maybe you could try that. Daven in a circle and refuse to leave until your Chosan drops down from the sky. Might be a little painful if he lands on top of you. I assume you are in Israel so paratroopers would be OK
“A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.” —Yet remember that eventually b’esrat Hashem you will meet someone who makes you appreciate dating to get there.
Lightbrite: “A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.” lol.
Eclipse:
Sorry for the late response (I’m extra busy on Chol Hamoed Succos..)
Vos Epes? Well I think you could use a few more years… ????? ????? ??????, you went through pretty much.. why not a Brocha to be compensated? ??? ?????? ?????.. it’s the last laugh that matters!!
A thought once popped into my head once.. we say in ????? ??? ???? ???? how the reshaim apparently flourish ????? ????? and then a passuk ???? ???? ????? ?. And I realized that David Hamelech is telling us that HaShem has a much much HIGHER perspective, he has the WHOLE and COMPLETE picture. He can view the WHOLE situation from His viewpoint. And HaShem says “don’t worry, the reshaim are only gaining temporarily.. to be destroyed forever. And the righteous will prosper…”
Lightbrite: “A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.” lol. I think you are glorifying the single lifestyle. Is this lifestyle in accordance with the Torah,? When Hashem created Adam realized that Adam needed a helpmate. If Adam who was a first edition and the best human created and even so Hashem realized he needed a helpmate. You who are probably a trillionth edition, why do you think that you don’t need a spouse (helpmate). Also when Hashem is referring to Adam not being alone Hashem is referring to humankind as he was the only human alive at the time.
Perhaps you alone were chosen by Hashem to give birth to the Mashiach and you are delaying the redemption by delaying getting married.
I am not trying to offend you or anyone else but I am against the single lifestyle. I hope Hashem somehow (even not through a date) helps you find your true love and get married even if you don’t give birth to the Mashiach, I still think it’s worth it.
lilmod ulelamaid – After reading your post I think you have a Phobia with dating. Go to a Godol like R’ Chaim but speak only to his wife and ask for advise and a brocha. The advise and brocha Must come from the wife NOT from Rav Chaim. Next arrange with you shaddchin to arrange a date at a chess club as I think you posted that you were into chess and meet at the club. Just think of it as you are going out to play chess with a friend not as a date. You may want to scope out the place before going there on a date so go there with a friend and get a feel for the place. It doesn’t have to be a chess club anything that you like to do, but try to meet at the place not at your home. Pick a place where most frum dates don’t go so that it will be easier for him to recognize you. I think your Phobia maybe due to trying to look perfect so try to keep it casual.
What about the Coffee Room?
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