Friends in different grades

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  • #619337

    jhonny appleseed
    Participant

    I recently made new very close friends during production that are not in my grade. I hear people talking about me behind my back how weird it is and the like and i’m in a stuck place. On the one hand i love these friends and they really understand me more than any other friends that i have ever did and i want to stay friends with them forever. On the other hand, i don’t want to be considered “socially off” as they say, walking around with girls that are younger than me! Any tips/ideas?

    #1219555

    iacisrmma
    Participant

    I see nothing wrong with being friends with those in older or younger grades.

    #1219556

    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    If your friends in group A are not going to be your friends because you’re friends of people in group B (and the people in group B are nice people), then perhaps you’re better off without the friends in group A.

    The Wolf

    #1219557

    Joseph
    Participant

    Is being friends with older girls more socially acceptable than with younger girls?

    #1219558

    rebshidduch
    Participant

    I agree with the wolf, they are obviously not the right friends.

    #1219559

    jhonny appleseed
    Participant

    Joseph- Probably but someone’s gotta be the older one who’s friends withe the younger ones!

    Also, i agree with you when you say that “group A” are probably not the right friends for me and i don’t like them too much but i need someone to hang around with when it comes to grade oriented things.

    #1219560

    how much younger are they?

    #1219561

    rebshidduch
    Participant

    jhonny, do not hang out with the wrong crowd.

    #1219562

    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Sounds like high school age. I think it really depends on the school. In our school it was very normal to have friends in older and younger grades, girls just being friends or acting like a big sister or mentor. If it’s regarding as COMPLETELY socially off in your school, perhaps you should rethink the relationships.

    #1219563

    WinnieThePooh
    Participant

    I think it’s great that you found some good friends. As long as they are good girls and are good for you, try not to care about what others may be thinking. I know that what others think about you is very important to a teen-ager, but so is having good friendships, so you have to balance out the positive that you gain from these friends and the negative (what your classmates may think).

    #1219564

    rebshidduch
    Participant

    Winnie, also do not forget that if someone does not want to be friends with her because of her other friends, their not her real friends.

    #1219565

    catch yourself
    Participant

    It is very possible that your original group of friends is not a bad bunch, but that they feel threatened by your new relationships. The way they are reacting is not the healthiest way of dealing with such a situation, but it is also not beyond the pale of normal behavior for High School age children (I have to assume that Shopping613 is right about the age).

    I do not think you should be burning bridges just yet. Talk it over with your “old” friends. If they are unforgiving or issue an ultimatum (“it’s either us or them”), let them go. You should never allow someone else to control you that way. If they understand, and it seems that they just need to be reassured about their own standing, they are still your friends and you should not leave them.

    Most importantly, I think you should discuss this with an adult who knows the people involved. Maybe a teacher or principal can be helpful in sorting out what’s really going on.

    #1219566

    WinnieThePooh
    Participant

    If everyone re-reads the OP, she never stated that her old friends did not approve of her new friends, or that she had to choose between them. From other threads, Johnny has told us that she feels socially isolated, that she was dumped by others who she thought were her good friends, and that she is unhappy in HS and does not feel that she fits in. So finding good friends even if they are not in her grade is great for her. But she is worried that people in her grade are talking and this will make her fit in even less with her own classmates. Legitimate worry.

    Johnny, I think it is worth the price. Good friends are so important, make all the difference. Age differences in friendships matter less as you get older and the gap is less meaningful. It looks like things might be improving for you, and I am happy to hear that. People talk, they will move on to something more interesting once they get used to the idea that you are friends with these girls. Don’t prevent the new friendship from doing things with your class when necessary, continue to be friendly with your own class, and I think they will forget about it and no longer think it is strange.

    #1219567

    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    JA – I am SO, SO, happy to hear that you have made friends! That is so important – who cares what grade they are in? Better to have friends in another grade than not to have friends at all. As Chazal say, “oh chevrusa oh mitusa”. I hope I quoted that right – if not one of the men can correct me. Basically, I think it means that without a friend, one has no life. Having friends is one of the most important things in life – maybe the most besides for Torah & Mitzvos.

    I agree with Winnie the Pooh, iacisrmma, the Wolf, and RebShidduch.

    WTP – great post!

    JA – reread WTP’s post and take it to heart. It’s very good advice.

    Hatzlacha!! I’m glad to hear that things (or at least some things) are looking up for you. Hope it continues! Please keep us updated.

    #1219568

    catch yourself
    Participant

    WTP, you’re right, I misread the OP.

    I also did not know the context from other threads.

    You’re right on the money.

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